


Lost In Circles

by peglegMeglikeskegs



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkwardness, Bands, Battle of the Bands, Best Friends, Betrayal, Break Up, Caring, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Confessions, Crushes, Dark Past, Drama, Drinking, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Fights, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, House Party, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of emotional/physical abuse, Misunderstandings, Music, Musicians, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Emotional Manipulation, Past Relationship(s), Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Sassy, Sassy Saïx, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, Summer, Twilight Town (Kingdom Hearts), mentions of past relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2020-02-15 19:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18676129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peglegMeglikeskegs/pseuds/peglegMeglikeskegs
Summary: Axel was...for a better word, completely lost. The first time he was able to get out of his rockstar father’s shadow ended miserably and he was back in Twilight Town, trying to figure out his next move while living with family that he has no desire to be around. It isn’t until a man with blue hair and a loathful outlook on life gives Axel some direction in what he wants to do and what’s actually important to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic in the Kingdom Hearts universe (kind of!) I will be updating tags as I go along so please be patient! :)
> 
> I do not own nor did I create the characters in this story!

Pulling up the long driveway to the enormous white mansion with crisp black shingles and an ostentatious glittering fountain in the front, Axel thought that life couldn’t get much worse.

He begged that it would get better, but whatever forces control the world apparently didn’t get the memo.

Axel was returning home after dropping out of college with only one year to go. It was an impressive feat that he managed to stay in college for three years. And it was a shame that he had to leave – he generally enjoyed the course work, the social scene there was out of control, and there was a delicious ramen restaurant that was unlike anywhere he’d been before. Axel was really going to miss it.

But alas it was not meant to be. And that’s all Axel wanted to think about, because thinking about his failed venture into becoming his own person makes him angry. And when Axel gets angry, he either sets everything on fire in an enraged blaze of glory or eats everything in sight and wails about the woes of life. He’d rather not go down either of those paths today.

So here he was, putting his car in park and trying not to think about how horrible it was to return to this house. His thoughts were briefly distracted by a woman with long brown hair stepping out from the massive black doors. She gently walked down the steps and approached Axel with a warm smile and the faint scent of vanilla custard.

“Hello Axel,” Aerith spoke in a soft, melodious tone. She had always spoken quietly but her excitement was clear. “It is wonderful to see you again.”

Without asking (because if she had Axel would’ve told her no) Aerith wrapped Axel in a warm hug. Axel had to ignore the instinct to fight off the hug but in doing so it made him tense up and not reciprocate the action. Aerith didn’t seem to mind, and to Axel’s delight she ended the hug soon after.

“I’m sorry,” she hummed. “I forgot that you didn’t really like hugs or touching.”

“That’s okay,” Axel said quickly, eager to change the topic of conversation. He had the feeling that Aerith would love to sit down with him and find out everything that made him tick or upset and try to find out why he would get tick or upset.

It was just a mom thing to do. Or so Axel thought, he didn’t have the personal experience to prove otherwise.

“Is my dad here?” Axel asked Aerith in an indifferent tone. Because he really didn’t care if he was or not. Honestly.

“No, he’s out of town for a few days. I think he was planning on coming back next week.” Aerith replied thoughtfully. “I did remind him that you were coming home today, so I thought he’d be here.” Her eyebrows scrunched and her eyes looked discouraged.

It was the exact opposite of what Axel felt – delight and joy.

But he, of course, didn’t care. Not at all.

“Ah that’s okay.” Axel said breezily. “I’m going to get my stuff up to the room.”

Aerith nodded. “Okay. Dinner will be in an hour.” She paused, smiling gently. “It is so great to see you here, Axel. I’m glad you’re back home.”

_ Well that makes one of us _ , he thought. But all he did was nod and try to give a considerate smile. But Aerith just chuckled and returned to the house, leaving Axel alone with his baggage, figuratively and emotionally.

After lugging the belongings Axel deemed absolutely necessary from his car to his room (a modest four trips in total) Axel collapsed onto his be in a sweaty mess. It hadn’t even been summer for a full day in Twilight Town before the humidity had settled in for the season.

Axel looked around the room, forcing disinterest. He didn’t want to admit it but it was a lot tougher coming back than he realized. He wasn’t quite sure if it was from dropping out of college, or having to be in this particular house, or possibly a combination of those two thoughts plus a thousand more. Regardless, Axel could trace the root of each problem and pin the blame onto one person. One person who had made his life a living hell.

Luxord. The mega-famous rock star. And Axel’s father.

Axel had known fame since the moment he was born. Even as an infant, when he didn’t even realize what was happening in the world around him. He had proof that he had always been in the limelight – when Axel was born some tabloid had done a full spread dotting on Luxord and his family, the new Rock Star Daddy trading in his guitar for diapers.

Axel was sure multiple copies were floating around this house. Maybe packed away in a dust-covered box deep in the attic.

But growing up, Axel  _ thrived _ in the publicity. He and his mother Tifa would join Luxord on all of his tours and often accompanied him to the recording studio. They traveled around the world together – some of Axel’s fondest memories included dancing around like a maniac onstage with his father, playing hide-and-seek in the enormous arenas with his mother and creating havoc for the poor crew. He grew up in stadiums around the world, shaped and molded from his experiences in different places from different people. All while being able to be with his mother and father and be with his family. Life was pretty good for Axel.

Until it wasn’t.

Tours were cancelled and albums postponed once Tifa was diagnosed with brain cancer. It was so advanced and so aggressive that they barely had any time to form a plan before she was gone.

That’s something that Axel always thought was funny – how there was no time. The doctors lamented at the fact that they couldn’t fight the cancer, there were no treatments that would work because there wasn’t enough  _ time _ . Axel never knew when he realized that it was funny, or why it was. Maybe because the doctors had talked with a detached fascination about what they could try and do to cure Tifa and get rid of the cancer. Or maybe because Axel ultimately agreed with them. He didn’t have any time to plan a life without his mom, he couldn’t brace himself for the day that he would wake up with her alive and go to bed with her dead. Any why should he have planned, he was only eight years old. Eight years old don’t worry about that kind of stuff.

So there he was, eight years old and standing next to Luxord as they watched Tifa get lowered into the ground. And instead of wondering how his life was going to change or how much he was going to miss his mom in the next few days, months and years, Axel wondered who he was going to play hide-and-seek with.

A silly thing to worry about, and it turned out being the very least of his concerns. The day after the funeral he was sent to boarding school up north, where it snowed 160 out of 180 school days and nobody cared that his father was The Luxord they just told him to stop speaking out of turn, Axel.

While Axel’s life slowed down considerably, Luxord’s did not. The cancelled tours were rescheduled immediately and studio albums were released with everything promised and much more. He went back out there, hitting the press tour with fervor. He  _ had  _ to do it  _ for the fans _ . Luxord had to prove that despite all the tragedy and heartbreak and sorrow he was  _ strong _ , and it was all because of the  _ fans _ . 

The fans, of course, ate it all up. They cried and screamed and praised Luxord for everything that he did. He was their brave hero, performing every day through the pain. Luxord was everywhere – touring, recording, you name it. There wasn’t a person out there who didn’t see him and think  _ wow, what a brave guy _ .

But the more and more people saw him, the less and less Axel actually got to see his father. Their visits became fewer and fewer with more time spreading between them. At first it hurt Axel, as it would any kid who was used to dancing on stage in front of thousands of people with his rock star father. But as time trudged the hurt slowly turned to anger, earning him poor marks and multiple meetings with the principal. Axel didn’t know if it was an attempt to get some attention from his father but it did not work. The anger eventually simmered, but not without leaving the lasting lesson of what happens when he depended on people he thought cared about him.

Axel’s pretty certain that a therapist could have a field day with him and his past trauma but he doesn’t need a shrink to tell him that his life was pretty messed up. He wasn’t sure what made Luxord realize it to, if he even bothered to check on Axel and see. But Axel’s life regained some semblance of control at age 12, when Luxord married Aerith and they had a son, Roxas.

Axel thinks it happened during his angry days, because he doesn’t really remember much from the wedding and ceremony. He thinks that he maybe set some drapes on fire? Or was it the tablecloth under the cake? Or was it both? It was such a long time ago that Axel could barely remembered if he tried.

It was both. And it was glorious.

But with a new stepmom and half-brother came a new house for them to live in as a happy family. Until it was decided that Axel would still go to boarding school during the year – it appeared that the fire stunt at the wedding was enough to have Aerith reluctantly agree to the decision. 

It had always bother Axel how much Aerith tried to be a mom to him. She was not going to have Axel remain at the boarding school, until the flaming drapes convinced her otherwise. Axel was fine with going back - he didn’t need her trying to be his mom. But Axel still returned to the house during the school breaks. He’d steer clear of Aerith, and with the annoying blond baby being a nuisance it wasn’t too difficult.

Luxord had also conveniently planned his big tours during the school break or decided to stay away to record new albums. Not so that Axel could join him and he could spend quality time with his son, oh no. Axel was always left behind in the enormous house. At that point he was past the point of caring. 

Or at least he told himself that.

So for the next six years Axel’s life consisted of being schlepped back between boarding school and the giant mansion that would never be a home to him, until he was old enough to go to college. It would be the first time that he could leave the house and be truly on his own, and he couldn’t wait. He carefully perused his post-school options, ranking the universities based on the college’s course options for summer and winter breaks and the party life.

Once he began applying he would receive an acceptance letter almost immediately. Of course he would, what school wouldn’t want the son of a rock star to attend? Think of the donations and grants and the money, money, money.

But in the end Axel picked a university that touted a no-nonsense policy and held Axel to high expectations. So Axel packed up his life, gave a ‘sayonara’ to Aerith and Roxas and left town with the intention of never coming back. He was ready, so ready to find his place in life where people would appreciate him for who he was and not who his father was and not want to be his friend because of his famous father.

To Axel’s immense dismay, college was exactly the same as school was. Maybe even worse. 

Fellow students and even professors had the audacity to ask Axel for tickets or albums or anything. People didn’t care for his struggles, assuming that the son of a rich rock star had people to do his work for him. Or they got  _ way _ too close and personal, asking about where he vacations and what kind of cars he drives and how much money he had.

It was so disappointing to Axel. He endured the bullshit for three years before finally calling it quits. The last straw was the president of the graduation class asking Axel if Luxord would perform at their commencement. And it wasn’t even for Axel’s own class.

The second after he told that class president to kindly and gracefully fuck off, Axel went to the office of the registrar, filled out some simple paperwork and withdrew.

Looking back now, Axel thought it was a pretty rash and dumb decision. Sure it felt nice to stick it in their faces (who exactly he wasn’t sure of but still.) But as he stared at the ceiling, wondering what the hell he was gonna do now, he didn’t feel like he’d accomplished anything.

A loud thump thump THUMP down the hallway brought Axel from his contemplation and his door was violently pushed open.

“Axel!” Roxas shouted gleefully from the doorway. “You’re back!”

Axel turned his head towards the doorway to see his half-brother staring at him with huge blue eyes and an enormous grin on his face. He turned back towards the ceiling.

Roxas cleared his throat and Axel heard the door frame creak under the weight of Roxas leaning against it. “Uh, I mean, ‘sup?”

Axel gave a bemused huff and looked back at Roxas, who was trying so hard to look relaxed and chill and totally over his older half-brother being home.

“Oh hello Roxas.” Axel said. “What’s  _ ‘sup _ with you?”

Roxas shrugged, nonchalant in the way that you could tell he was trying really hard to be cool. “Not much.”

Axel chuckled again, sitting up and standing up. He strolled over to the kid and ruffled his hair. “You’re getting big. Have you hit puberty yet?”

Roxas scowled and batted Axel’s hand away. “No! I’m only eight years old!”

“Huh.” Axel crossed his arms and looked down at Roxas. “Yeah, I guess you look like you should be in diapers still.”

Roxas’ face scrunched up in annoyance. “I’m not a baby! I’m already eight years old!”

Axel sniggered, shaking his head. “Well you certainly act like you’re five.” He leaned forward. “Now if you don’t need anything I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

It was Roxas’ turn to snicker. “Yeah, you sure looked busy taking a nap while your room looks like a dump.”

Axel’s good mood at taunting Roxas soured as he narrowed his eyes. Roxas grinned and looked pleased with himself.

“Mom says dinner is ready.” Roxas said with the shit-eating grin still on his face. “I think she made some stir fry or curry.”

“Yeah, I’m not super hungry so I’m gonna skip out on that.” Axel’s stomach rumbled at the wrong time, making Roxas smile even wider. Axel admitted defeat and nudged Roxas from the door way so he could close the door.

“Why did you drop out of college?” Roxas asked from behind Axel as they tramped down the stairs.

Axel scowled at the ground. “I didn’t like it.”

“I thought you liked it a lot. What did you study there? Did you have any friends? What were they like?”

Axel reached the landing and turned on his heel so quickly that Roxas had to grab the railing to keep from falling over. At his spot on the stairs the pair was at the same height, giving Axel the opportunity to get right in Roxas’ face. If Axel was going to have to deal with 20 Questions each day from Rocks-For-Brains there was going to be a problem. He knew that the kid was going to be annoying, but he didn’t think he would hit his threshold this quick. So he might as well lay down the law now. 

“Did you ever think that you talk too much or ask too many stupid questions?” Axel snapped. Roxas’ open mouth to presumably ask another question shut quickly. Axel turned on his heel again and stalked into the kitchen. He had no problem telling off an eight year old for being bothersome. Roxas probably got everything handed to him and didn’t deal with much hardship. A little adversity never hurt anyone.

Aerith was setting the food on the table in the kitchen and turned when Axel stomped in.

“Oh great, Roxas got you for dinner. I hope he’s coming down soon.”

Axel shrugged and plopped into a chair. For all he cared the snot-nosed brat could’ve run away and decide to join the circus. But Axel’s thoughts were derailed with his stomach rumbling furiously again. The chicken curry Aerith set on the table smelled divine, so Axel gave in to his stomach’s demands and spooned some rice onto his plate. Roxas walked into the kitchen quietly as Axel grabbed the spoon for the curry. He looked thoughtful, so Axel must’ve not scared him off too much. He’d just have to try harder next time.

After Aerith and Roxas sat down, they were all silent for the next few minutes as the dinner was divided and indulged upon. The curry was fantastic, and Axel quickly cleared his plate. He helped himself to seconds, very aware that Aerith was watching him with cheerful eyes.

Things were too quiet, too normal for Axel’s liking. He wondered if this was how they spent every night – sitting at the table eating a meal Aerith prepared with care. Did they share what they did that day like normal families did in sitcoms? Was there some life lesson that Aerith would instill onto Roxas? Would Luxord do this with them when he was home? It was weird to think about it and Axel couldn’t picture it.

“We are so happy that you are back for a bit, Axel.” She sounded genuine and happy as she looked to Roxas for affirmation. “Aren’t we, Roxas?” 

Roxas tapped his finger to his chin for a second, pretending to look deep in thought. Axel internally rolled his eyes at the act.

“I decree that we are all very happy!” Roxas finished his statement with a flourish of his fork, making Aerith laugh. He was clearly over being intimidated by Axel and was back to his obnoxious was. Axel rolled his eyes for real.

Once Aerith finished giggling she turned back to Axel. “I’m not sure what your plan is but I want you to make yourself at home here, okay?”

Axel snorted. “Gee,  _ thanks _ .” He muttered under his breath.

“Excuse me?” Aerith didn’t sound mad but a hint of confusion was detectable in her voice. Roxas’ mouth was slightly agape again.

_ Here he  _ go, Axel thought as he set down his fork. He was going to set the record straight, and make sure that Aerith and Roxas knew what was going to happen while Axel was here. “I won’t be making myself feel at home here. I’m only going to be around for a month, maybe two tops. So there’s no point in exchanging pleasantries or acting like this is a situation that everyone wants to be in.”

Aerith’s eyes were wide but she still looked confused. Roxas’ eyes were just as wide, as if anyone who dared to talk back to his mom was awe-inspiring and insane. They sat in an awkward silence (well, awkward for Aerith, Axel assumed – he had no problem calling the shots around here,) before Aerith cleared her throat and smiled.

“That sounds fine, Axel. But regardless, I do want you to make yourself comfortable, and I am very glad to have you home.” She returned to her plate, but before eating another forkful of curry she spoke again. “Roxas honey, please close your mouth. You look like a goldfish.”

Roxas did in fact look like a gaping goldfish. Axel turned and shot a piercing glare his way, making Roxas look back down at his plate quickly.

Axel cursed internally. Did he really get owned by his stepmother? She was supposed to recoil in shock, or look disgusted at Axel’s total lack of manners. She wasn’t supposed to take it all in stride without missing a beat. 

While Aerith and Roxas continued conversation about who knows what, Axel stewed over the possibilities of being roped into hanging out with these people. He sincerely hoped that he did not have to be involved any more than he already was. But thinking about what Aerith had said, and judging from the lack of participation in dinnertime pleasantries on Axel’s part, he may have gotten his wish in wanting to be left alone. Even if it didn’t quite happen the way he had planned.


	2. Chapter 2

Axel blinked his eyes open. He sat up drowsily, stretching his arms over his head. He slept better last night than he had in years, probably due to the larger bed with a much better mattress and no snoring roommate to keep him up all night. 

Axel looked around his room, sighing at the boxes and bags piled in the corner. He hated clutter but there wasn’t really any point in unpacking his things. He’d be finding an apartment soon so why unpack now just to pack up again?

Axel couldn’t wait to be out on his own (again.) No roommates to steal his food or lock him out, no stepmoms to cook him food and try to connect with him, no bratty half-brothers to bother him with stupid questions. Just him and him alone – maybe he’d get a plant or two, or possibly a cat. 

His stomach gurgled, requesting coffee and food please and thank you. Axel patted it gently before jumping out of bed to take a shower. He paused as he opened on of his bags, deciding what to wear. He thought back to last night’s dinner and the “super fun” time he had with Aerith and Roxas. He certainly didn’t want a repeat of that so Axel decided he’d go out for some breakfast and preferably stay out all day. He grabbed some clean clothes and headed into the en-suite bathroom.

The water pressure and hot water that was actually hot helped relax Axel’s muscles immensely. He wondered why he didn’t really like coming here - with the comfortable bed, en-suite bathroom, the proper working shower – when a frantic knocking at his door made the reason why easy.

“Just a minute!” Axel yelled, shutting off the water. He grabbed a towel ( _ so _ fluffy and soft) and wrapped it around his waist before padding to the door. He opened it up, still dripping, to see Aerith looking positively distressed.

“Oh, good morning Axel. I’m so sorry I didn’t even hear the shower running or else I would’ve waited. It’s just,” She started wringing her hands and looked even more distraught. “I promised Roxas I would take him out for the day but my agent called and my deadline for the next chapter in my novel of my book has been moved up three weeks, and now I really need to work on it. I can’t take Roxas out today and he’s so upset – he’s been looking forward to this for a while. Is there any way you could take Roxas out? I hate to bother you, especially with what you said last night. And,” She glanced around her before continuing in a lower voice. “I know Roxas came on strong, he’s just excited to have you around. But I know he’s a kid and you’re probably very busy right now. It would just help me out so much.”

Aerith sounded so desperate, but Axel didn’t want to spend time babysitting Roxas. He wanted nothing to do with him. Or Aerith. 

He scratched behind his head, searching for any excuse to get out of it. “Yeah, well I’m kinda busy today…”

“I’d pay you.” Aerith assured, a slight manic tone to her voice.

But now Axel was intrigued. 

“How much?” He asked in a voice that showed forced casualness.

“$200. Plus whatever food you guys want.”

Axel forced restraint but he couldn’t help his eyebrows jump up. $200 wasn’t nearly enough to be able to leave on his own but it was a good start. And all he had to do was keep Roxas occupied. It sounded pretty simple to Axel. Hell, he’d throw him in a box with some string and a stick and call it a day. 

“Alright,” Axel sighed. He made sure to lay on the guilt and act like this was the biggest favor he was doing and that he was the Hero of the Day. “I think I can move some things around and help you out.”

Pure relief washed over Aerith’s face. “Oh Axel, thank you so much! You are saving my life today, really. You get dressed and come find me and I’ll give you the money.” She grasped her hands together and hurried off downstairs, leaving Axel to already semi-regret his decision to hang out all day with an eight year old.

But money was money, so Axel figured he’d suffer through it for one day. But he wasn’t going to like it.

As Axel walked down the stairs, fully dressed and fully ready to hate his life, he saw Aerith waiting for him at the door.

“I really can’t thank you enough Axel.” She said gratefully as Axel’s feet hit the landing. “There’s $350 there, keep whatever you don’t spend on food.”

_ Already planning on it _ , he thought snidely to himself. “Thanks,” he replied out loud, taking the cash from Aerith’s hand.

“No, thank  _ you _ .” Aerith’s appreciative smile and warm eyes still bothered Axel. It was too nice, too sweet. There’s no way someone is this nice without some ulterior motive, right?

Oh wait, never mind. Getting Axel to take Roxas out was the ulterior motive. Duh.

“So where is Roxas?” Axel asked as he moved towards the door. 

“I think he’s waiting by your car.” She peeked out the window and laughed to herself. “Yup, I see him out there. As soon as I said you were taking him today he booked it outside.”

Axel forced a laugh to cover up his groan. “That’s so funny.”

Aerith nodded and laughed again. An awkward pause followed as they both stood by the door. Was she going to say anything to Axel? Was she expecting him to hug her? If that was the case, is she out of her damn mind?

“Well, bye.” Axel opened the door and stepped outside.

“Bye Axel. Thank you again.”

He couldn’t help the eye roll at her overly-cheerful voice. Yeah,  _ she’s _ feeling happy and jolly because she doesn’t have to spend the day with Roxas, shepherding him around town and wherever eight year olds want to go. Of course she’d be thrilled. 

Axel trudged down the porch steps to where he left his car the day before. And sure enough, Roxas was standing next to the passenger door. When he noticed Axel approach he practically began bouncing with excitement.

“I can’t believe we get to hang out today.” He chattered excitedly. “I was so bummed when Mom said she couldn’t take me out today. She had promised that we’d go to the park or the arcade or shopping last week. And then she just says that she can’t?! I mean come on, she promised! I was so upset, I didn’t feel like doing anything, I was just sitting on the couch wondering how my life could get worse. But then!” Roxas paused to take in a gulp of air. “Then she said  _ you _ were going to help and take me out, and my day just got so much better! There are so many things that I wanna do today! Like buy new games, eat some ice cream, visit the clock tower, go to…”

And Roxas went on. And on.  _ And on _ . As Axel drove out the driveway, down the first road, up the second road, under the bridge, over the river, through the roundabout – the kid would just not shut up. 

“The arcade has so many awesome games! Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Dance Dance Revolution – we can totally find something that you would want to play!”

Axel was convinced that he could find a dummy that looked just like him and switch places with it and Roxas wouldn’t know the difference and keep talking.

“They have sea salt ice cream, and it’s super super good! But if you don’t like it they have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, cookie dough, cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip…”

Actually, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to invest in a look-alike dummy so that Axel couldn’t subject himself to this torture anymore.

“The old clock tower is just beautiful! I like to go up there sometimes at sunset, it’s definitely has the best view. Just don’t tell Mom, because I go all the way to the top and it’s super high!”

A caffeine-deprived and sanity-deprived Axel was ready to drive off a bridge.

“Hey Roxas,” Axel chimed in. 

“Yeah Axel?” Roxas turned eagerly to his older half-brother.

“Do you think you could maybe, I don’t know, shut up for five minutes?”

It was like a light had gone out in Roxas’ heart. His smile vanished and his shoulders drooped. He sat back in his seat and turned away from Axel, looking out the window in silence. 

In the now completely silent car, Axel felt a twinge of guilt. But he quickly shrugged it off. He didn’t care about making Roxas feel good or being his friend. He was only hanging out with him for the money. And for today only.

They had arrived in picturesque downtown Twilight Town, and Axel was scoping out any cafés along the way. He saw a sign with a coffee cup and an arrow indicating down a side street, and he was able to nab a parking spot right on main street.

Roxas exited the car at the same time as Axel, still silent and looking downcast. Part of Axel began to panic slightly – would Aerith take her money back if Roxas tattled to her? It would be a dick move, but he wasn’t sure what Aerith would do.

Axel cleared his throat and came around his car. “Have you been to this place before?” He indicated towards the sign and began walking down the sidewalk to the café. 

Roxas shrugged and fell into step next to Axel. “I don’t think so. But I think someone said something about their sea salt milkshakes being really good.”

“Roxas,” Axel said with the roll of his eyes. “It’s 9:30 in the morning. You can’t have a milkshake.”

“Well I already ate breakfast.” Roxas replied stubbornly. “Just because you wake up late doesn’t mean I can’t get a milkshake.”

Axel was going to reply back with a snappy retort but he was too tired to come up with a counter argument to that. 

They had reached the café – a small but modest space with black and white colors. The café name, Thirteen Beans, was displayed in the front window accompanied by hearts and coffee beans scattered around. Axel thought it was a bit tacky and strange but as long as the coffee was good he didn’t care how they decorated.

Because Axel had slept in, the café was relatively empty. It was not as garish as Axel was expecting, given the sign in the window. It was cozy and warm - a few old men were sitting around one table with cups of coffee in front of them, and a college student was sitting in a comfy armchair with a book in her hand. 

The menu signs were hanging behind the counter, which held an impressive espresso machine and a plethora of syrups and sauces to mix into coffees. An illuminated display showcased pastries and breakfast goodies that looked scrumptious.

Roxas made a beeline to the display, pressing his hands against the glass. “I want all of it.”

Axel huffed. “I thought you already ate breakfast.” He was scanning the menu, impressed with their wide variety of coffee flavors and organic selections.

“Yeah, but I can have second breakfast.”

“Well make up your mind, I’m ordering now.” Axel stepped up to the register as a guy came out from the kitchen. 

“Good morning, welcome to Thirteen Beans! What can I get for ya?”

“I’ll have a large coffee, the organic Sumatra roast please. Can I also get a medium sea salt milkshake and two of the chocolate chip muffins?” The guy began writing down the order, and it gave Axel a minute to silently taunt him for having the weirdest haircut he’s ever seen. It was like a mullet and a Mohawk had a baby and that baby puked on the guy’s head.

“Make mine a double chocolate chip muffin!” Roxas called, quickly joining Axel at the counter. “I want the double chocolate chip!”

Axel rolled his eyes but the guy behind the counter nodded as he fixed the order. “Excellent choice, little dude. Is there any-anything else…” The guy looked at Roxas as his words faltered. He tilted his head to the right side, then to the left, and then back again. His eyebrows scrunched together and he looked in deep thought before gasping loudly and slamming his hands on the counter.

“Oh my god, are – are you Roxas? Son of Luxord?!”

_ Oh god no _ . Axel thought to himself in dismay. He had expected this to happen at some point but it doesn’t mean he wanted it to happen at all.

“Yes, I am.” Roxas’ voice changed from pre-pubescent whiney to mature and collected adult. It was surprising enough that Axel turned his head to look at the kid in surprise. “And Luxord is my father. He’s finishing up his next album before he goes on tour again.”

The guy behind the counter shrieked (yes, he  _ actually _ shrieked) in excitement. “OH MY GOD! This is so amazing! Luxord is the coolest guy in the entire world!” He leaned over the counter towards Roxas, his face shining with excitement. “I have been a HUGE fan of Luxord’s my entire life! His music is so magical and beautiful but at the same time so real and authentic! I’ve gotten every album he’s put out, even the ones from before I was born!”

“That’s so nice.” Roxas replied with a smile. “He’s very dedicated to making music that his fans would approve of.”

The guy nodded so much Axel thought his head would fall off. “Yeah yeah yeah! I 100% approve of his music. The guy is a legend - definitely one of my personal heroes.”

Axel couldn’t help himself as he snorted. Everything that was coming out of this guy’s mouth was utterly ridiculous. 

The guy whipped his head towards the sound and narrowed his eyes. “You got a problem or something?”

“No of course not,” Axel replied in a snide voice. “I’m just standing here, waiting to pay for my food so I can go and be as far away as possible from the Luxord Fanatic Club.”

The guy’s eyes narrowed even further as he straightened up and crossed his arms. “Well,  _ excuse  _ me for getting excited about something I’m passionate about.”

Axel could feel several eyes boring into the back of his head but he was not going to back down. “Yeah, well did you ever think that maybe you get borderline  _ obsessive _ ?”

“Better to be obsessive than ruin someone’s fun!”

“Hey!” Roxas interjected in an angry tone. “Don’t talk to Axel like that!”

The guy opened his mouth to reply but paused, his face quickly changing from anger to pensive, and eventually to sheer delight.

“Oh my god,  _ you’re _ Axel! Luxord’s first son!” He clapped his hands together gleefully. “This is perfect! Luxord’s sons are enjoying a day of bonding! Wow, I gotta get a picture!”

“Like hell you will,” Axel snarled. “Just give me my damn coffee.”

The guy pouted as he rummaged in his pockets. “Look, I’m sorry for what I said. And I know we got off on the wrong foot but if I could just get one picture -”

“Demyx!”

A voice barked from the kitchen door, making the guy jump nearly a foot in the air. A woman with a blonde bob, wearing a matching black apron over her t-shirt and jeans, stalked from the kitchen to the guy, poking him in the chest when she got to him.

“What the hell are you doing? You can’t barrage the customers with your obsessions. We’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah but you don’t understand!” The guy gestured to Roxas and Axel repeatedly. “It’s his sons! It’s Luxord’s sons, here! Getting breakfast! I’ve dreamed about this moment so many times!”

“You’ve dreamed about this?” Axel and the woman said at the same time. Axel appreciated that the woman sounded just a disgusted and annoyed as he did.

“Well, I had also dreamed that Luxord would be here himself!”

The woman pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and shook her head. “Demyx, come on. You  _ need _ to stop harassing customers. Especially two customers who maybe don’t want to be barraged with questions or comments about their dad. Do you have any common sense in that thick skull of yours?”

“But, but it’s  _ Luxord’s sons _ ! If I could just get a quick picture - ow! What was that for?!”

The guy (Demyx?  _ What a weird name _ , Axel thought) was rubbing the back of his head from the hard slap he received. The woman had her eyes narrowed and looked poised to strike again.

“You’re being a freaking creep. You know what? You’re on prep duty now. Marluxia!” The woman turned and called back to the kitchen. “Marluxia, jump on register. Demyx is going to take over prep.”

Demyx looked crushed. “Prep work? You  _ know _ I hate prep work! The onions make my hands smell bad!”

“Yeah, well maybe you’ll remember next time you want to bother someone with stupid nonsense. Now get in the back.”

Demyx whined, glancing between Roxas and Axel and the woman before slumping and trudging away. He walked past another guy who emerged from the kitchen, presumably Marluxia. He too was wearing a black apron and a red henley shirt and black jeans. His pastel-pink hair was pulled back into a ponytail and he looked calm, if not bored with everything.

“How long will I be on register?” He asked the woman, his voice lofty and measured.

“I don’t know. Until I decide whether or not I want to kill Demyx.” She snapped back. She eventually turned to Axel and Roxas, who had been watching the entire conversation with wide eyes. Axel was just as surprised but still very irritated with the Demyx guy. 

“I’m sorry about our idiot employee.” She said. Her voice didn’t sound very apologetic but rather exasperated. “You guys can have whatever you want, on the house.”

Axel nodded. “Apology accepted.” Any lingering anger evaporated quickly with free breakfast. More money to keep in his pocket.

“I thought Xemnas didn’t want us to give away free food.” Marluxia said in a casual and haughty voice. “He’s going to be mad, Larxene.”

Larxene rolled her eyes ( _ What is it with everyone here having weird names? _ Axel thought to himself.) “I don’t really give a shit what Xemnas thinks. I have dipishit to deal with in the kitchen.” She stormed off towards the kitchen door without a glance back at them. Marluxia watched her leave, then turned to Axel and Roxas.

“Did you want your food for here or to go?”

Axel cleared his throat. “Uh, to go please.” Marluxia nodded and walked off to get their things together. He peeked a quick glance over his shoulder, and sure enough the table of old men where whispering and shooting them furtive glances. The college student had her book in her lap and was texting, her fingers whipping over the keypad with practiced speed. She glanced up a few times, meeting Axel’s gaze one. She blushed and looked back down, typing even faster.

Axel shook his head with disgust and turned back around. Thanks to that idiot Demyx he couldn’t really come back here. Axel didn’t really care about the impression he made on people, but he doesn’t know if those old men will tell people that Luxord’s kids come around here. Or if that college girl will post about it online - she may already have anyway. He wanted to be  _ done _ with this shit, would he ever escape being known only as Luxord’s son?

Axel glanced down at Roxas, who was back to staring at the pasty display. To be fair, Roxas was the one who was recognized first. Axel could’ve probably slid under the radar. But Roxas was more active on their father’s social media pages and his website. And who hasn’t seen videos of Roxas jamming out onstage with Luxord? A casual fan would recognize Roxas, so it wasn’t too surprising that some freak did.

Instead of feeling jealous of the attention Roxas received over Axel, he felt bad. Roxas was just a kid, he shouldn’t be accosted by total strangers just because his dad is famous. It’s not even remotely fair. Thinking about it more, Axel remembered how polite and considerate Roxas was, even making a nice conversation with Demyx. How many times has Roxas had to deal with people like Demyx?

A soft thud on the counter brought Axel back to reality. Marluxia had returned with Axel’s coffee, Roxas’ milkshake, and their bag of muffins.

“Here you go,” Marluxia said smoothly. “Sorry about our dumbass friend. Please come again.”

Axel snatched the bag and his coffee from the counter, doubting the sincerity of Marluxia’s words. He saw Roxas grab his own milkshake and the pair made for the exit. 

They were both silent walking to the car and as Axel drove away. Roxas still looked somewhat skittish and nervous. But Axel was mainly focused on his coffee, reveling in the caffeine making its way into Axel’s bloodstream.

After awhile he noticed that Roxas hadn’t touched his muffin or his milkshake. “Not hungry anymore?”

Roxas glanced down at the pastry bag quickly before shrugging. “I guess I am hungry. But mom doesn’t let me eat food in the car.”

“Oh.” Axel guessed that it makes sense - eight year old boy, probably clumsy enough to make a mess. The logic works out. But Axel doesn’t care about logic. And he still feels a bit bad for the kid. “Well you can eat in my car. I don’t care.”

Roxas’ eyes bugged. “Really? You don’t care?”

It was Axel’s turn to shrug, but he couldn’t help but smirk at Roxas’ enthusiasm. “Sure. You gotta eat sometime, yeah?”

Roxas nodded eagerly and took a sip of his milkshake. It must’ve been good, seeing how he took another even longer sip soon after.

“Slow down there, champ.” Axel cautioned. “Or else you’re gonna get a -”

“Auuuugggghhhhh.” Roxas clutched his head and groaned loudly. “Brain freeeze!”

Axel chuckled. “Exactly.” He finished his coffee as they drove down another side street in Twilight Town. “Rookie mistake.”

Roxas groaned again, breathing deeply as the brainfreeze took it’s time fading away. But eventually Roxas calmed down and took another long sip of milkshake.

“Did you learn nothing?” Axel asked incredulously. 

“But it’s good!” Roxas whined. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever had!”

“Well just slow down. I don’t want your mom to be on my case if you have a headache later.”

“Nah, she won’t mind. I think she was just glad to have me out of the house.” Roxas pulled out his muffin and took a big bite. Crumbs spilled down his front and left a small pile on his lap. “It’s been two weeks of summer vacation and I haven’t really gone anywhere.”

“Really?” Axel reached for his own muffin and pulled the wrapper down, while still keeping a hand on the steering wheel. “What about your friends? You haven’t done anything with them?”

Roxas didn’t say anything for a second, and when Axel glanced at him he was staring down at his muffin. He had an unhappy look on his face. “Well, I don’t really have any friends.” He mumbled the sentence before shoving more double chocolate chip muffin into his mouth.

A pang of sadness went through Axel, as it would anyone once you find out that a person has no friends and acknowledges it. And not just a person, but a kid who’s just trying to be himself and find people that like him for him. And not just any kid, but Axel’s little half brother. 

Wait a minute, what was he thinking? Why should he care what goes on in Roxas’ life? He’s trying to distance himself from this family, not get anymore involved than he already has. And that includes emotionally involved.

But Roxas was still sitting there, holding his sea salt milkshake dejectedly. It was enough to pull on anyone’s heart strings.

Which is why Axel couldn’t stop himself before he spoke. “Well, we can be friends. And we can hang out together.”

Roxas turned to Axel, mouth open yet again. “Really?” He asked in a quiet but awed voice.

_ No, you idiot! _ Axel’s brain yelled at him. But he ignored it. “Yeah. We can go wherever you want to go. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t mind.”

A beat passed before Roxas’ face split into a wide grin. He worked for a second to try and reign it in and keep his cool, but he ended up with furrowed eyebrows and a small smile on his face. And Axel couldn’t help the smile on his face either.

“Can we go to the mall?”

“Hell no.”


	3. Chapter 3

“So that’s how I accidentally ended up burning the grass off of the football field.”

“Accidentally?” Roxas asked skeptically.

Axel nodded solemnly, although he couldn’t help the corner of his mouth perk up in a smirk. “Total accident, I swear.”

Roxas squinted his eyes and pursed his lips. “I don’t believe you.” He said after a few moments. “Mom told me about how you burned down the tent at her wedding when you were 12.”

“Nuh uh, I’m certain I only burned the tablecloth and the drapes!”

Roxas snickered and Axel joined in. They were pulling into the driveway back at the house, after spending a day wandering around Twilight Town. Roxas acted as an unofficial tour guide, dragging Axel into store after store. Of course he got them lost a few times on the drive back, but what else could Axel expect from an eight year old with the attention span of a donut?

As they had walked, Roxas asked Axel about everything. If he had any friends, why he left school, what the food was like at college - the questions were endless. 

For once, it was nice for Axel to talk about himself. He didn’t feel like Roxas had any ulterior motive and just wanted information. And Roxas didn’t ask anything about Luxord, which made their topics of conversation light and easy.

The day had potential to be a total disaster for Axel, but it turned out to be one of the better days he’s had in awhile. He parked his car in the driveway and together, still chortling about Axel’s pyromaniac ways, Axel and Roxas walked into the house.

“Boys, come in the kitchen!” Aerith called down the hallway. “I have a surprise for you!”

Roxas sprinted to the kitchen, enticed by the possibilities of presents while Axel went at a more leisurely pace. He was just outside the archway into the kitchen when Roxas’ voice made him freeze.

“Dad! You’re home!”

A happy laugh came from the room over made the Axel’s skin crawl. Luxord was home. His father was home, he wasn’t supposed to be coming home. Axel thought he’d still be working on his album. Axel ground his teeth together, suppressing a snarl.  _ Why was he here? _

“Axel!” Roxas cried out. “Dad’s home!”

Yeah, he gathered as much as that, thank you. 

Axel took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He put on what he hoped was an impassive and controlled expression and walked into the kitchen. He saw Roxas hugging Luxord tight, with Aerith watching on with a delighted smile. Luxord had his arms around Roxas, looking down at him with a warm smile of his own. He looked up at Axel, his smile dropping ever so slightly as he took in his eldest son.

Luxord still looked the exact same - bleach-blond hair cut short, with his sideburns and and beard dyed to match. He had two hoops in each ear, up around the cartilage. There were no visible lines or signs of age and only the slightest hint of bags under his eyes. But his eyes still looked down upon Axel with disdain, and a condescending smirk present on his lips.

“Well, if it isn’t the college dropout.” 

Axel told himself to keep calm and relax, that it wasn’t worth causing a fight. But he was about ready to throw down at Luxord’s words.

“What are you doing here?”Axel asked acidly.

Luxord’s smirk widened into a bemused smile. “Well this is my house. I bought it and I have the right to be here. You know,” he snickered to himself. The sound made Axel’s blood boil. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Axel scowled and felt his hands form into fists. It hasn’t even been a full two minutes of being around Luxord and Axel wanted to punch him in the mouth.

Before he could snap back, Roxas pulled away from his dad and spoke up. “But we thought you would be gone for another two weeks!”

Luxord’s patronizing expression evaporated looking down at Roxas. “I thought I’d take a quick break and pop in for dinner. I have to leave in the morning, but I thought it’d be nice to spend time with my family.”

“Why bother?” Axel asked loudly. It irked him to see Luxord look at Roxas the way he did, like a son he was proud of. Axel crossed his arms over his chest, mainly an attempt to hold himself back. If he couldn’t physically fight he’d try his best to rile up his father. “I mean, you’re going to retire soon, so you’ll be home loads then. At least before you get bored and take off.”

His snide observation got the reaction he wanted. Luxord’s eyes narrowed and he had on an angry frown. But it didn’t stay, as Luxord switched to having a smooth smile and pity-filled eyes.

“That must’ve been why you left college, no?” He chuckled, only allowing Axel to sputter angrily before continuing. “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you. But I’m here now and I couldn’t be happier.”

“And we are just as happy.” Aerith chimed in, in a serene but firm voice. In a way that meant  _ there better be no more arguing _ . “Let’s have dinner and catch up, as a family.”

Luxord wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. “That sounds lovely, dinner smells fantastic. Did you make my favorite?” He pulled her away from the doorway and towards the kitchen table.

“You like everything mom makes!” Roxas said, laughing as he followed them. Only Axel stood by the doorway, still fuming. Why does Luxord make him so angry, and why does it take literally seconds for Luxord to fire Axel up?

Wanting to prove that Axel wasn’t still angry or pissy he trudged towards the table and flopped into the remaining seat, directly across from Luxord. Everyone else had already piled spaghetti and meatballs onto their plates and they were digging into dinner. Axel helped himself while Roxas regaled his parents with his and Axel’s adventure into town.

“We walked all around Twilight Town today! I showed him the arcade, the train station, the clock tower -”

“You didn’t go up the clock tower, right?” Aerith asked in a sweet tone full of threatening implications.

“Of course not!” Roxas’ waved his mother’s worries away. “It’s too high up, I could fall!” He had on an innocent smile that was full of bullshit.

“We don’t want you going up there,” Luxord said sternly. “They don’t have any railing or anything to stop you from falling over.”

“I know, I know.” Roxas conceded, pushing a meatball around on his plate. Axel tried not to openly stare at Luxord, but it was a second before he realized that Luxord was being a parent and telling Roxas what he could and could not do. 

Weird.

“But we also went to a really good café that made delicious sea salt milkshakes! You would’ve loved it dad!”

Luxord chuckled. “You’ll have to take me there sometime.”

“I will!” Roxas grinned at Luxord. “There was someone there who recognized me too, because of you.”

Luxord and Aerith shared a look, and some part of Axel was happy that they both looked uncomfortable with the idea. “I’m sorry honey,” Aerith said. “That must’ve been awkward for you.”

Roxas shrugged. “It really wasn’t too bad. I think Axel got more upset than I did.”

Axel scowled at his plate. He didn’t expect Roxas to keep silent on his part in the debacle from but he still was hopeful that his actions at the café this morning would go unnoticed.

“What did Axel do?” Luxord asked in a hard voice. Axel tore his gaze from his plate and found everyone looking at him. Aerith looked concerned, Roxas was shrinking in his chair, seeming to realize the mistake he made. But Luxord was staring down at Axel with disapproving eyes.

_ Remain calm, don’t get angry _ .

In an attempt to listen to the voice in his head pleading with him not to cause a scene, Axel just rolled his eyes and continued eating. “I just told the guy to buzz off and leave us alone. Then we got our food for free this morning and we went on our way.”

Luxord looked unfazed and pursed his lips. “Is that so?”

“It is!” Roxas piped up, sitting up a bit straighter in his chair. “The lady who worked there apologized and then a guy with pink hair gave us our stuff, for free!”

Aerith smiled at Roxas’ descriptive play-by-play, and even Luxord’s expression softened, but not until he took his eyes off of Axel and onto Roxas. The tension in the room lessened as everyone returned to their plates. Except for Axel - he was tensed and ready to strike again when necessary.

“Either way,” Luxord said as he cut up a meatball. “You should work on your temper and how you behave in public, Axel. You need to set an example for your younger brother.”

“Half-brother.” Axel snapped, his fist curling around his fork.

Just as quick as it left the tension returned. Luxord held his silverware in his hands tightly and narrowed his eyes again. “It doesn’t matter.” He retorted. “He looks up to you, so be better.”

Axel scoffed to himself. Who the hell does Luxord think he is, telling Axel off for not being an  _ example _ , or being  _ better _ ?

“Is something funny?” Luxord asked in a low voice.

“Only to me,” Axel replied breezily. “You wouldn’t get it.”

Luxord opened his mouth to snap back when Aerith interrupted. “Axel, I never thanked you for watching Roxas today. I was able to get my work in order, and I really appreciate you stepping up.”

Axel blinked, mind reeling from the sudden change in conversation. He glanced at his father, who was giving Aerith a hard look. But either she was completely oblivious to it or wasn’t giving into his bull shit, and ignored it.

“Uh, no problem.” Axel finally mumbled. He twirled a piece of spaghetti around his fork, not having any appetite for it.

“You know, I was thinking.” Aerith started. “I’m still behind in my novel, and I could really use someone to watch Roxas a few days during the week. It would only be for one month, at the most. What do you say?”

Roxas, who was busy slurping up a single strand of spaghetti, eagerly nodded and bounced in his seat. Axel was much more reserved in his reaction. 

“I don’t know,” he said reluctantly. “I mean, I have things I need to take care of.”

“Like what?” Luxord snorted. “I thought you dropped out of college and were freeloading off of us now. What _things_ could you possibly need to do?”

“I have a lot to do,” Axel replied heatedly. “Not that you would care to find out?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Axel muttered. He wasn’t going to take the bait, he wasn’t going to do this now. “I just don’t think that I can babysit Roxas.”

“I’m not a baby!” Roxas cried angrily.

“I think you can find some time in your ‘busy’ schedule to help Aerith.” Luxord said definitively. He went back to his food, scraping together one last mouthful. “It’s the absolute least you could do, seeing how you’re here rent-free and eating for free too.”

“Luxord.” Aerith chided quietly. She shared a look with her husband, who was giving her a look of his own, before turning back to Axel. “I understand if you’re too busy, but I would pay you to watch Roxas and take him out. Then you’d be making some money in the meantime, and you won’t have to watch Roxas every day. So you’d have some time to get other things done.”

Axel nodded, mulling the idea over in his head. He absolutely did not want to spend his free time babysitting Roxas. He promised that he wouldn’t have to deal with the kid another day. But it was a good way to make easy money. And it would only be for a month.

And Axel couldn’t help but think back to their conversation in the car from the morning - how Roxas didn’t have any friends and didn’t hang out with other people much. How sad and small he seemed when making the frankly embarrassing confession. It was a stark difference to Roxas now, bouncing in his seat more and giving Axel a wide and happy smile.

Axel sighed. He was a sucker, that’s for sure.

“I guess I could do it.” Axel said slowly. Roxas clapped his hands together and Aerith gave Axel a wide smile.

From across the table Luxord grumbled and shook his head. “I don’t think we should be paying you for it at all, it’s the least you can do for us.”

“Well we are,” Aerith replied. Her voice was still kind and sweet, but it also said  _ drop it now or you’re sleeping outside. _ Luxord must’ve gotten the hidden message because he crossed his arms and didn’t say anything else.

Roxas gave Axel a double thumbs up, which Axel returned weakly. But he couldn’t stand to be at the same table with Luxord anymore. He stood quickly and pushed his chair back.

“Where are you going?” Luxord asked him meanly. “You need to ask to be excused from the table.”

“May I be excused then?” Axel snapped in the most sarcastic voice he could muster. It wasn’t as effective as he wanted, but he didn’t wait for an answer before turning from the table. He left the kitchen and stormed up the stairs, not slowing down until he was behind his closed, locked door and on his bed. Dinner had completely wiped him out and he was exhausted.

Yet again, Axel was debating on whether coming here was a mistake. It didn’t seem so bad, and he had to admit that he had fun hanging out with Roxas today. And it was pretty sweet that he was going to get paid more to take Roxas around a few days a week. And maybe Aerith wasn’t terrible. Her cooking was phenomenal, and she was able to reign Roxas in. They just weren’t his family, that’s all. And he could deal with that. As long as they knew he didn’t see them as anything more than his step-mother and half-brother, then things would be fine.

But the big reason why he was really  _ really _ torn about coming back, yet again, was because of his jackass of a father. 

Axel couldn’t describe what he was feeling. He was so angry that Luxord was around and clearly his hatred for Axel hadn’t abated with time. If anything, he seemed to detest Axel even more than before. Axel thought Luxord would have a stroke with how many times his face switched from pure happiness when looking at Roxas or Aerith to sincere loathing when looking upon Axel. And it seemed that no matter what Axel would say or do, Luxord had a problem with it. Take Roxas out for the day? Well he should’ve obviously done that, it’s the  _ least _ he could do. Stand up for himself and Roxas at the café? He should think about setting a better example for Roxas.

But there was something else, something that he hadn’t felt in awhile. It took Axel a second before he realized that he was sad. Not terribly sad or anguished, but the dinner tonight confirmed Axel’s belief that Luxord was trying to replace Axel and Tifa with Roxas and Aerith. And since Tifa was gone, all Luxord needed was for Axel to leave for his new, perfect family to be complete.

He quickly ran a hand over his eyes, dispelling any dampness that may have gathered. Axel knew it all along, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him. But it still stung, to see the truth laid out in front of him clear as day. 

A knock at his door made him sit up. “Come in.” He called out, relieved that his voice was gruff from the tears that definitely weren’t there. 

The door opened slowly, and Aerith cautiously poked her head inside. “Hi Axel, do you have a second?”

Caught off guard, Axel nodded slowly. Aerith left the door ajar as she stepped inside. She looked upset again, but not nearly as bad as she looked this morning.

“I just wanted to apologize for your father’s behavior.” She said softly. “I thought he was being a bit tough on you, and I don’t think that’s fair.”

Axel was silent, bewildered by Aerith’s actually sincere apology. Remembering himself he cleared his throat. “Uh thank you?”

Aerith nodded and took another step forward. “I don’t mean to overstep, and I know that the relationship between the two of you is a bit...strained.”

Axel snorted. “That’s a nice way to put it.” Aerith’s face fell when at his remark, making Axel feel bad. He shook his head, dispelling the guilt. “It’s totally okay, things with my dad and I are fine.” He tacked on a toothy smile in an attempt to appease his stepmom.

She didn’t look convinced. “All the same,” she replied. “I know it must’ve been difficult for you to leave school, and it probably doesn’t help that you’re stuck back here. Add on your father being rude, and I can understand why you might be feeling upset.” She was hitting every mark on Axel’s list of why his life sucked at the moment, and it was unsettling for him. Was he really that easy to read? He thought he had  _ some _ more composure, but apparently not.

“I also wanted to tell you that if you need anything, you can let me know.” Her words were soft but full of sincerity, throwing Axel for another loop.

“Um, thank you.” He replied roughly. His throat felt thick and his nose tickled. None of this made sense, why would she come up to his room and check on him? Axel wracked his brain, searching for some reason or purpose she would get out of doing this, but he came up with nothing. It was almost as if she actually cared about him, like a mother wou -

_ No _ . He thought forcefully. Aerith was  _ not _ his mother. She never would be.

Aerith was giving Axel a soft smile as she nodded. She turned to leave, but paused at the door. “I’ve also been tasked with asking if you wanted to come back downstairs. Roxas and your father always play a board game when he’s home for a bit, and I think tonight they’ll be playing Monopoly. Things get pretty heated, so I get it if you want to sit it out.”

She had a easy smile on her face, as if Axel would enjoy to know how rowdy Roxas and Luxord get playing a board game. Like she wanted to joke and roll her eyes with someone who would understand. But how could Axel understand, never having played one board game with his father?

“Yeah, I’ll pass tonight.” Axel replied. He sounded tired, which he was, so it wasn’t even difficult to convince Aerith. 

“Sounds good, hon.” Aerith smiled one last time before leaving, closing the door quietly behind her. Axel let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in one loud exhale. He laid back down. From the stand-off against Luxord during dinner to the emotional whiplash from Aerith, Axel was drained.  At least he didn’t have to go down and suffer through a stupid game with Luxord.

Part of Axel should be thankful that Aerith didn’t make him go downstairs. Axel made himself believe that it probably was so he wouldn’t taint their fun family time together. He should probably feel upset about that, but he couldn't. He was too busy being upset that his reasoning wasn’t true, and too busy deriving some satisfaction in Aerith calling him ‘hon.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in posting this, I’m trying to make sure I post every Thursday! I hope you enjoy, thanks to everyone who’s read it so far! :)


	4. Chapter 4

When Axel woke up the next morning he was relieved to find out that Luxord had already taken off. And apparently he wasn’t due to return for another month, which was the icing on the cake for Axel. There was more of a spring in his step as he got up and out of the bed in the morning.

Roxas, on the other hand, was a bit disheartened at the news. He moped around for most of the first morning sans Luxord, keeping to himself. It gave Axel the time to settle into his room somewhat. He at least unpacked enough clothes so he wouldn’t be living out of his suitcase, and made his room look a bit more put together. 

Roxas eventually came around, and together the boys spent some time hanging out around the house. They played video games, swam in the pool, played on the enormous jungle gym in the backyard - all while making sure they stayed out of Aerith’s hair.

Axel admitted that he was having fun. It was kind of cool to have someone follow him around and do almost everything Axel said (although in hindsight telling Roxas to jump from the second-story balcony into the pool maybe wasn’t the smartest idea, but at least he landed in the pool.) Axel could have some fun and mess with Roxas, as an older brother would tend to do. But for every prank that Axel pulled on Roxas, the kid came back with an even stronger punch (Axel thought that his milkshake with whipped cream looked a bit  _ off _ compared to Roxas’ but he was thirsty, and he never would’ve expected Roxas to use shaving cream, the little punk.)

After a few days, their rambunctious routine was getting to Aerith, and she kindly kicked them out for a day. Axel was sure that his step-mother slipped some extra cash to ensure that they would be gone for a long time. And he wasn’t certain, but he thought Aerith heaved a sigh of relief as they walked out the front door one morning. 

But if Axel had to be honest, he didn’t need much convincing. He enjoyed hanging out with Roxas - he was a snot-nosed brat for sure, but it was refreshing to be around someone who wasn’t trying to get something from Axel. He didn’t have to constantly be on the defense, wary of people prying into his life and seeing what they can get out of him.

So it was a fine summer’s day, late in the morning when Axel and Roxas arrived at the park. There was sprawling green grass, with neatly paved paths for joggers and walkers. Trees were scattered around, giving enough shade to fit entire families. Stationed in a corner of the park was a playground almost as impressive as the one back at the house. In Axel’s opinion it was nowhere near as good, but the moment they stepped in the park Roxas took off for it. Axel barely had time to say ‘Have Fun’ before he saw Roxas making a beeline for the monkey bars. 

Axel situated himself on one of the benches, settling down on the hard wood surface. He took a quick look around - joggers were running on the paths, parents were pushing strollers at a leisurely pace, older couples were sitting together. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the grass was green. It's a beautiful summer’s day in a beautiful park.

But Axel couldn’t enjoy the beauty of it all. He’s been so focused and worried on the one major problem that’s plagued him since his return to Twilight Town - what the hell is he going to do with his life?

He had no college degree, no professional connections to help him (except for one  _ very _ obvious one that could almost definitely get him any job he wanted but he was  _ not _ going to exploit that, thank you very much,) and no direction in life. He couldn’t stay babysitting Roxas forever, not that he would even want to. It was nice for now to earn some quick cash, but that’s all it would be. He couldn’t make a living with babysitting, not if he wanted to move out and get his own apartment. And Roxas would eventually grow up.

In an attempt to distract himself Axel pulled out his phone and opened some apps. The first few he opened were social media apps - why, he wasn’t quite sure. He doesn’t have any friends to keep up with. But thinking about the future is stressful and he’d rather distract himself. He can’t pull Roxas away from the park - Axel quickly found him running around, looking like he was having the time of his life. So Axel had to be content scrolling through his phone mindlessly.

There were a few people he was still connected with, mainly acquaintances from college or some people he shared classes with. But sure enough he came across a few people he wouldn’t consider a real-life “friend.”

Like the girl from a sophomore Lit class who harrassed Axel everyday for his dad’s autograph - it was so bad that Axel had to rearrange his entire schedule to change out of that class. Or the guy who hooked up with Axel his junior year and led him on, only to ghost Axel when he confessed that he doesn’t talk to his dad or get any money from him. Even the infamous class president who asked for Luxord to speak at their commencement - from her page it looked like she was completing an internship at Walt Disney World in the summer. Bully for her.

_ Why am I friends with these people? _ Axel asked himself as he scrolled through their pages more. He should just go through and delete each person. Or better yet, he should get rid of his own pages. He doesn’t go on these apps or post anything. 

But instead of deleting anything or anyone he just closed the app and leaned back, tilting his head up to the sky. Some part of him didn’t really want to get rid of the apps, or delete anyone. He still had to prove that he was doing way better than any of his “friends” ever would - that he was way better off without them. They were the ones that screwed Axel over, with their desires to meet someone famous or get rich or whatever sick need they had. And they showed that they had no care for Axel and would do whatever they wanted, even if it fucked with him. So he was going to show them that he was doing just great, and he doesn’t need them. 

He exhaled sharply, unclenching his fists and looking back at the playground. God, he’s got to get over his shit. He has more important things to worry about. Like what he was going to do with his life, or how he was going to make a living with no college degree, or where his younger half-brother was.

Wait a minute, that last one seemed pretty important. Axel sat up straighter, looking all around the playground, being sure to check each area twice. But no blond tuft of hair was found, no smiling Roxas running around and having a ball. True panic set in, and Axel turned around and looking behind him, still searching.

Aerith was going to be upset if he lost Roxas. Or worse, Luxord would actually kill him.

Axel was trying to remain calm and think back to if he saw any seedy characters hanging around when he heard Roxas call out his name. 

“Axel, hey Axel!”

Axel’s head turned to the sound immediately, relief flooding in. Roxas was running towards him, looking totally unharmed and completely fine. He was joined by a small girl with short black hair, also looking excited but more reserved than Roxas. The pair came to a halt in front of Axel, breathing heavily.

“Where did you go?” Axel demanded in what he thought was a calm voice. But he must’ve still been terrified of Roxas being lost, and he sounded scared and stressed instead. 

“We want sea salt ice cream!” Roxas proclaimed. He looked to the girl and gave her a wide smile before looking back at Axel. “Oh! Axel, this is Xion! I met her on the monkey bars. Xion, this is my big brother Axel!”

The girl tucked her hair behind her ear and gave Axel a shy smile. “Hi.” Her voice was soft and melodious, but she was sporting a big smile as well.

Axel nodded to her distractedly, still trying to calm his beating heart. “Hey, how’re you? Look Roxas, you can’t just run off without telling me, okay? I was worried about where you went.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Roxas’ sincere apology did not diminish the smile on his face. “We just had to check with Xion’s older brother first, since we were on that side of the playground. And Xion had to get some money from him too for the ice cream. So can I have some money for ice cream?” He held out his hand expectantly, giving Axel another megawatt smile.

Axel sighed, finally calmed down enough and relieved that Roxas was actually safe, if not being a bit annoying about the ice cream. “Yeah, okay here.” He pulled out a bill and gave it to Roxas. “But I want change back. Where is the ice cream?”

Roxas pointed a little ways behind the jungle gym. “There’s a cart right by the bathrooms. We’ll be back in a flash!”

“And you got permission from your brother?” Axel asked Xion, looking at her again. After the scare from potentially losing Roxas, Axel was on high-alert for any potential missing children scenarios.

Xion nodded quickly and pointed. “Yeah, he’s sitting right over there. He has a clear view of the ice cream cart. And we do this every time we go to the park - I get him a chocolate fudge bar and I get the sea salt ice cream!”

“That sounds so good!” Roxas exclaimed happily.

But Axel was not paying attention to the tail-end of their conversation, as he was looking towards where Xion was pointing and attempting to calm his fast-beating heart yet again.

Because at where Xion was pointing was a guy around his age, blue hair stark against the green scenery, half-pulled back into a low ponytail, wearing a flannel, dark jeans and worn converse sneakers. 

_ Holy shit _ .

He was the most beautiful person Axel had ever seen.

“Axel, hello?!” 

Axel shook his head and looked back to his half-brother and Xion, both giving him a weird look.

“Can we go get ice cream now?” Roxas asked, his voice impatient.

“Uhhh,” Axel realized that his mouth was open, gone agape from looking upon Xion’s brother. “Yeah, go ahead. Have ice cream, get fun.”

Xion gave Axel another weird look, but Roxas ignored Axel’s distracted answer and pulled her away. “Let’s go Xion! Ice cream!” The girl nodded and they both took off running for the ice cream cart.

Axel heard them leave, but his eyes were back focused on Xion’s brother. Axel couldn’t help but stare - he was mesmerized. The guy ticked off every box on Axel’s Attraction Chart - long hair, flannel, jawline so defined Axel could spot it from almost across the park. He looked tall and it also looked like he was writing in a notebook. 

Axel didn’t even realize writing in a notebook was a turn on for him, but he thought that this guy could be juggling and Axel would still think it looks good. 

Not wasting anytime, Axel rose from his bench and sauntered over to the guy. Not only was he  _ very _ interested, but he had the perfect conversation starter. All he had to do was lay on the charm and he’d have a new number in his phone in no time.

Axel approached the guy, standing almost right in front of him. From up close he could see an intense look on the guy’s face as he furiously wrote in his notebook. He almost looked bored, except for the furrow in his eyebrows indicating a high-level of concentration. 

That’s probably why he didn’t notice Axel standing in front of him. For sure.

“Hi there.” Axel spoke, eventually breaking and giving in. He always was the one to hold out but he couldn’t wait any longer. He cleared his throat. “It looks like my brother has a new best friend.”

The guy paused in his writing, but didn’t look up. Axel waited in tense suspense, until finally the guy lifted his head and gave Axel a piercing and annoyed stare.

“I beg your pardon?” His voice was smooth and low, and held the cadence of an adult dealing with an insufferable child.

It was a lot for Axel to take in, but he didn’t notice the not-so-friendly tone. He was far more distracted by the scars on the guy’s face - jagged lines leaving an almost perfect X, crossing right above the bridge of his nose. It was a jarring sight, but once Axel got past the scars he focused on the marine-blue eyes that were currently gazing at his with disdain. The blue and green colors of the iris’ were swirling into each other, enchanting Axel into a daze that he actually enjoyed being in.

He didn’t notice the eyes narrowing and giving Axel a glare. “Would you mind stepping out of my line of vision? Preferably  _ way _ out?”

“Huh?” Axel uttered, still enraptured by the guy’s eyes. But he blinked and quickly came back to reality. “Oh, sorry.”

The guy scoffed and went back to his notebook. “Yes, I’m aware I have a giant scar on my face. But you could be a little less obvious about your mindless gaping.”

“I wasn’t staring at your scars.” Axel countered quickly. “I was staring at your eyes.”

The guy glanced back up, still with a sour look on his face. “I’m flattered,” he replied. His voice was dripping with sarcasm, enough to make Axel raise his eyebrows. “But I didn’t come here to get hit on, so if you don’t mind -”

“That’s not what I was doing!” Axel interjected, uneasy. This conversation was going terribly, and he had no idea how to get it back on track.

“That’s what they all say.” The guy replied loftily. He had returned to his notebook and was writing again.

“It’s true!” Axel said frustrated. “My little brother and your little sister are getting ice cream together, I think they’re friends!”

Axel pointed across the park, where Roxas and Xion were waiting in line. Axel could see Roxas geturing around and Xion watching with a smile on her face. The guy looked to where Axel was pointing, eyes finally landing on Xion and Roxas. He face slowly lost it’s hard edge and eventually he shrugged.

“Oh, my mistake.” He said cooly. He didn’t look back to Axel, instead looking back down at his notebook.

Axel gaped at him. “Really? That’s it?”

The guy’s head shot up and he glared at Axel again. “What’s it?” He asked in an icy tone.

It was Axel’s turn to scoff. “Don’t you think you owe me an apology, or something?” He waved his hand around to get his point across.

The guy’s glare intensified. “I don’t know what gave you the impression that I owe you an apology, or anything for that matter. But just because our siblings seem to be friends doesn’t mean we have to be. I didn’t ask for you to come and bother me with the useless information about my little sister getting ice cream with another kid.”

For what seemed like the final time the guy went back to his notebook, scribbling again furiously. Axel looked at the guy, dumbfounded. What the heck was his deal? Axel thought that he could strike up a conversation, with a great entrance about their siblings being friends, and the guy would be equally as interested or enthralled with the coincidence. And once he realized that Axel was a dashing and charming lad, he’d surely want to grab a coffee with Axel sometime. Who wouldn’t?

Having the logistics played out in his head made Axel realize that maybe he was being a bit of a tool.

Okay, so Axel was coming on a bit strong, just by standing in front of him and demanding attention. Maybe the guy was having a nice, peaceful morning and along came Axel, barging in just because the guy was cute. And Axel assumed he’d want to have a conversation too.

Just because Axel wanted something from the guy didn’t mean that the guy wanted something from him.  

Oh.

The hypocrisy hit Axel like a brick wall. Good lord, he was an asshole.

He was just about to open his mouth to apologize when Roxas and Xion came running over.

“We’re back!” Roxas yelled in close proximity to everyone.

“Yeah, I can see and hear you loud and clear buddy.” Axel muttered. 

But Roxas looked too hyped up to react to Axel’s reprimand. He was slurping away at his sea salt ice cream with the biggest grin on his face. Xion looked equally as happy, if not a bit more low key. She held her own sea salt ice cream bar and a fudge bar.

“Here Saïx.” She held out the fudge bar to her older brother, who took it as he stood up.

“We’re leaving Xion.” He gracefully took the ice cream from his little sister and began to lead her away.

“Wait, already?” Roxas asked, immediately looking crestfallen. 

Xion looked to Roxas, torn. “I think so. My big brother drove us here, so I have to go.” She turned away and began to follow her older brother.

Axel was just as disappointed, as he was letting Saïx leave without giving him a proper apology. He thought about calling him back, but Roxas spoke up first.

“But you’ll come back tomorrow?” He asked hopefully.

Xion stopped and looked back with a thoughtful look. She pulled Saïx’s arm to stop him. “Can we come back tomorrow?” Her voice was quiet and she looked up to Saïx with pleading eyes.

Saïx took in the scene around him - Roxas giving his best puppy dog eyes to the stranger he didn’t know, Axel looking bewildered but also curious as to what Saïx would say (and also silently hoping that he would say yes), and Xion staring up to him with big, hopeful eyes.

Axel could see Saïx’s expression soften ever so slightly as he looked down at his little sister. He un-clenched his jaw and unfurrowed his eyebrows. 

“I guess we can come back to the park tomorrow.” Saïx relented in his cool and low voice. He sounded disheartened but his mouth curved upwards when Xion and Roxas cheered.

Well Roxas cheered loudly. Xion just gave Saïx a huge smile and nodded. She turned away with Saïx and they walked away, but she looked back and gave Roxas an enthusiastic wave.

Roxas pumped his arm wildly. “Bye Xion!” He shouted, drawing the attention of others. Axel couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Seems like you and Xion got along pretty well today.”

Roxas dropped down to the bench Axel was sitting on, holding his ice cream in his hand loosley. “Yeah, she is so cool. She can go all the way across the monkey bars without stopping!”

Axel chuckled again and shook his head. Part of him marveled at how easy it was for kids to become friends. Were you nice? Check. Could you cross the monkey bars without stopping? Check. God, Axel missed those days.

But another part of Axel was jealous, wishing it was that easy for him now. He thought about the hard look that Saïx gave him and the idiotic reasoning he used to justify going to talk to Saïx and bother him. Yeah, it was definitely Axel’s fault for their conversation going terribly wrong. But he had a feeling that he would need a lot more than a simple apology to make it up to Saïx.

But Axel will see him again tomorrow. Axel was determined to make it up to the guy. And he’ll be sure to give a proper apology and try to explain his train of thought. 

As long as Axel can string two coherent sentences together without getting lost in Saïx’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet!!! Thank you to everyone who has read this, it makes my day! :)


	5. Chapter 5

“I can’t wait to see Xion again!” Roxas said happily.

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned it a few times.” Over one hundred, to be exact.

“But I’m excited!” 

Axel chortled at Roxas’ enthusiasm as they walked into the park the next morning. Roxas had been talking nonstop about his day at the park yesterday, giving Axel and Aerith a play-by-play at least five times. Aerith took it all in stride, smiling and nodding at the perfect moments. Axel was a little less graceful in his attempt to look deeply interested in what Roxas had to say, but it wasn’t hard to feel happy for the kid.

Today Roxas had been a small bundle of energy, growing larger and larger the closer they got to the playground. He was practically vibrating, like an atom bouncing around uncontrollably.

Axel was strolling at a more unhurried pace, the huge knot in his stomach slowing him down. Similar to Roxas, Axel couldn’t stop thinking about Saïx all day yesterday. He couldn’t get the scornful look out of his head, and how striking his eyes were. But what he really couldn’t forget was how embarrassing he was when he first tried to talk to Saïx. That was the moment that was really stuck on replay for most of last night, mainly when Axel was trying to fall asleep.

He did think a lot about how he was going to apologize to Saïx. He at least owed him that. And then if the guy wanted nothing to do with Axel after, then so be it. Axel would just have to deal with it - and he would. It would suck tremendously, but he would do it. 

Their approach to the playground made the knot in Axel’s stomach turn and twist, nearly forcing him to turn around and leave. But Roxas spotted Xion at the monkey bars and began yelling her name. He was drawing attention to himself from other patrons of the park but that didn’t stop him. Axel watched Xion, hanging from the monkey bars, look in their direction and give an enormous upside-down grin..

The sight made Axel smile on his own. He was happy for Roxas - Xion might be his first real friend. Just as he thought that a thought occurred to him.

“Hey Roxas, before you go.” Axel set a hand on Roxas’ shoulder, holding him back before he tore off for the playground. “Maybe don’t mention who our dad is.”

Roxas looked up to Axel, delight momentarily replaced with confusion. “Huh? Why not?”

“Well,” Axel started, a bit awkward. How was he supposed to explain that people in the world were shitty and greedy to an eight year-old? Oh that’s right, adults lie. “Lux - I mean Dad told me not to when I was your age.”

Roxas’ eyes widened and he nodded. “That makes sense.”

Axel nodded too, even though the logic was somewhat lost on him. And  _ he _ was the one who came up with the bullshit. “Yeah, so just don’t say that our dad is a rockstar, okay?”

Roxas nodded solemnly again. “I won’t. But can I go now?”

“Of course.” Axel smiled after Roxas sprinted towards Xion, waving his arm at her. Their budding friendship warmed Axel’s heart, and he only hoped that it wouldn’t blow up in Roxas’ face like many of Axel’s friendships had in the past. 

Axel shook the pessimistic thoughts from his head. They were just kids, and Xion seemed sweet. They wouldn’t have any problems. Besides, he needed to focus on the task at hand. He scanned the park but quickly found his target.

Saïx was currently sitting on the same bench as yesterday, long blue hair pulled up into a loose bun. 

_ How does he look  _ so  _ good with  _ so  _ little effort? _ Axel wondered to himself, biting his lip. Saïx was bent over his notebook again, wearing worn and casual clothes, but it worked oh so well.

Axel truly hoped that this apology would go over well and there would maybe be even light conversation involved.

_ Focus on the apology first _ , Axel reminded himself firmly. He straightened his shoulders and walked towards the bench, the knot in his stomach currently dancing the conga.

Saïx made no attempt to acknowledge Axel’s existence as Axel approached the bench. Maybe it was for the better - he wouldn’t be on the receiving end of a harsh glare so early on.

“May I sit down?” He asked, his voice quiet but clear. It wouldn’t do him any good to go in with a weak ass timid voice, even though he currently felt like a weak ass timid guy.

Saïx didn’t look up from his notebook as he shrugged. “It’s a free country.” 

Well, it wasn’t a yes or a no, so Axel took it as a win and joined Saïx on the bench. There were about two feet of space between them, and Axel wasn’t really quite sure what to do next. If he was being honest, he didn’t think he’d get this far. But here he was, sitting in relatively close proximity to Saïx. Axel shot a few quick glances to his side and found Saïx continuing to write in his notebook. His loose bun had a few strands pulling free and he had a few wisps around his temple that weren’t quite long enough to be pulled back. Large hands with thin long fingers held a pencil and zoomed across the notebook paper, not pausing for a thought. His brows were furrowed again in deep concentration and he peered into his notebook intently.

Part of Axel realized he could watch Saïx write for hours and never grow tired, and another part of him felt even worse for disrupting his creative process so rudely yesterday. And another part of him questioned whether he should really bother him again with an apology that he might not believe, but Axel quickly rationed that it was the right thing to do.

“I owe you an apology.” He finally said before he could chicken out. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the hand finally still. When there was no other sign of movement Axel took a breath and continued. “It was pretty dickish of me to interrupt your day yesterday with my stupid observation. I would probably get pissed off as well if some stranger did that to me. So I am sorry. And ah,” Axel scratched behind his head to cover up some embarrassment. “I guess I’m sorry for bothering you again right now. But I just thought it would be the right thing to do. So I’m sorry.”

Axel’s heart was racing. He was nervous, but he had no idea that he was  _ this _ nervous. Axel chanced another glance to his side and found Saïx looking at him with an unreadable expression. 

“Are you apologizing just to make yourself feel better?” Saïx asked in a toneless voice. 

Axel immediately sat up and shook his head. “No, of course not! Well, maybe but, look I thought it was the right thing to do! And I feel bad, so maybe but -”

A low chuckle made Axel stop blabbering and gape at Saïx. He was the one who was chuckling and had a small smirk on his face.

“Relax,” Saïx replied in a lighter voice. It was still low and even, but it didn’t sound as acidic as previous times he’s talked to Axel. “I was only joking.”

Axel blinked. “Oh.” He blinked again. Saïx was joking with him And he wasn’t looking at Axel with disgust? Was Axel dreaming? Was this a prank?

“Oh.” Is all Axel said again.

Saïx rolled his eyes and shook his head amiably. “Yeah, it was a joke.” He paused and something shifted in his expression. He almost looked uncomfortable. “I actually owe you a bit of an apology. I wasn’t having a great day yesterday and I snapped at you for no reason.”

Axel raised his eyebrows in surprise. “It seems like you gave me some pretty good reasons at the time.”

Saïx pondered that thought for a minute before nodding. “Yeah, you’re right. But still, I could’ve been a bit more couth in my delivery.” 

“I mean,” Axel was caught off guard. He didn’t expect to even be having a civil conversation with Saïx, much less receive an apology from the guy. He didn’t think, no Axel  _ knew _ that Saïx did nothing wrong. He was ready to assure Saïx that no apology was necessary - but Axel didn’t want to let him off the “hook” so easily.

“I mean,” Axel started again. “I  _ guess _ I can forgive you.” He heaved a dramatic sigh and leaned back, closing his eyes.

A soft chuckle made Axel open on eye and he saw an disbelieving smirk on Saïx’s face as the guy shook his head.

“I’m so thankful for your forgiveness.” He stated dryly.

Axel sat back up and grinned, pleased that his small joke didn’t offend. “Yeah, I’ve been compared to Mother Teresa a few times in my life.”

“Wooooooow.” Saïx replied. “I’m sure Mother Teresa boasted how amazing she was too.”

“Oh, you wound me.” Axel held a hand over his heart, earning another chuckle from Saïx for his dramatics. Axel joined in, unable to contain his glee.

The Saïx he was talking to now was a completely different person than yesterday. Not only in conversation and attitude, but he looked more cheerful and more at ease. It wasn’t a huge shift, but it was enough to calm the knot that was in Axel’s stomach and put him in a good mood.

“By the way,” Saïx said after he stopped laughing. “I know that’s your little brother Roxas playing with Xion but I never got your name yesterday.”

“Oh right. My name’s Axel.”

Saïx furrowed his brows and tilted his head to the side. “Axel?”

“Yeah.” Axel grinned, pointing to his temple. “Got it memorized?”

Saïx rolled his eyes. “Yeah I think so, unfortunately.”

Axel’s grin widened and he chortled. “And your name is Saïx?”

Saïx nodded. “Doesn’t seem like you had a problem memorizing it,” he said with a smirk.

“Eh hee, yeah funny right?” Axel replied sheepishly, scratching behind his head. Crap, he hope he wasn’t so transparent about his little crush. Or was it a crush? Maybe not quite yet. 

Saïx gave Axel another smirk, and the way his eyes glittered made Axel believe that it was definitely  _ something _ .

“So, do you and Xion come here often?” Axel asked, very ready to change the subject.

“When I don’t have work and I’m watching Xion.” Saïx looked out to the playground with a fond look. Axel followed his gaze and he found Roxas and Xion at the swing set. Roxas was the one in the swing and Xion was pushing him higher and higher. They both had gleeful looks on their faces, which made Axel smile on his own. 

“Our parents work crazy hours, so I babysit her when I can. And Xion loves coming to the park.”

“Ah, very cool.”

“Do you and Roxas come here a lot?”

Axel shook his head. “Not really. I’ve only been back for about a week, and at the house there’s a massive jungle gym that Roxas plays on. But Aerith wanted us out of the house for a bit, I think we were driving her crazy.”

Saïx raised an eyebrow. “Is Aerith your mother?”

Axel instinctively clenched his jaw but forced himself to relax. “No, she’s my stepmom.” He paused for a second. “My mom died when I was eight.”

He immediately regretted saying that last part. Why did he say that? He didn’t need to tell Saïx such a personal...what, thing? Fun fact? Tragic backstory? Whatever is was Axel should’ve kept it to himself.

Saïx dropped his teasing face and looked more somber. “Oh god. Shit, I’m sorry. That’s awful.”

Axel held up his hands. “It’s okay, it’s totally okay.”

“Not really,” Saïx countered, sounding shameful. “I was teasing you, and I didn’t even think -”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Axel interrupted firmly. He didn’t need Saïx pitying him and he really didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

Saïx nodded, still looking like someone kicked his puppy. “I am sorry. That must’ve been hard.”

Axel only nodded in return. Yeah, of course it was really hard his freaking mom died. “Thanks,” Axel eventually murmured, turning away and facing the playground. He saw Saïx do the same in his peripheral vision.

Great, Axel just killed any sort of conversation they had with his weird tragic past. Why did he have to mention his mom? Maybe it would’ve come up in conversation more organically, but maybe it wouldn’t have. It’s still something that you don’t bring up in the first civil conversation you have with someone. God, he was an idiot.

Axel glanced over and saw Saïx writing in his journal. 

“Can I ask what you’re writing? I mean, if you don’t mind me interrupting you again.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Saïx replied wryly, but the corner of his mouth was lifted in a smile. Axel heaved a breath of relief at the sight. Saïx lifted his head and looked at Axel. “I mainly just journal, but I’m working on some song lyrics at the moment.”

Axel’s decent mood evaporated. It was as if a bucket of ice cold water and nails were dumped on his head at the mention of the word ‘song lyrics.’

_ Of course _ Saïx was a musician.  _ Of course _ that would be the one thing wrong with an otherwise perfect person. Why couldn’t it have been that he snores, or he spends too much time volunteering at a soup kitchen?

Well, there goes any chance of having anything with Saïx - any sort of friendship or relationship would not happen now. Axel has a very strict ‘No Musicians’ rule when it came to dating or interacting with people in general. For obvious reasons.

Axel immediately turned away from Saïx, trying not to pout. It was such a shame - he thought they were really starting to get along.

“Is there a problem?” Saïx asked. Axel looked his way in contempt.

“No.” He replied shortly and turned away. He was scanning the park, looking for an available bench he could move to.

“Yeah, you sure look like you’re fine.” Saïx replied. His voice was clipped and had a bit of his old edge to it.

Axel snorted, feeling his anger rising. “Well I’m surprised you’re concerned with something that has nothing to do with you.”

Saïx’s eyes narrowed. “Ok, well not really. It does have something to do with me. What is the problem?” 

“Do you really care to know?”

“I mean, you got weird when I mentioned that I write song lyrics.”

“Wow, you’re smarter than the others.”

Saïx huffed in anger. “What is your deal?” He asked angrily.

“My deal,” Axel shot back, now truly fired up. “Is that all you musicians are one in the same! You’re all so selfish and lazy and vain - you have no sense of your surroundings or what’s going on in the world around you!”

Saïx’s eyebrows jumped up near his hairline and he looked surprised. Axel paid no heed to it and continued on with his tirade.

“Musicians are just complete sell outs, and so hell bent on being the center of attention. And you all will do anything you want - regardless of how it would affect the people around you. Especially people who care about you. It  _ sucks _ , and you guys just...suck!”

Axel was breathing heavily, feeling his heart pound in his chest. He hasn’t gotten this worked up in a long time. Probably not since he dropped out of college, and even then he didn’t remember getting this mad.

As his heart rate slowed, he began to slightly regret his hissy fit, and finally took in Saïx’s expression.

Well, this would certainly be a first - twice in one day where he scared off the same person who he actually really liked. Just fantastic. 

Saïx collected himself and his face went back to neutral coolness. “It’s probably too late to mention that I am not a musician.”

Axel felt his eye twitch.

“Just because I write song lyrics doesn’t mean I’m a musician myself.” Saïx continued, with a definite biterness to his tone. “In fact, you and I share a lot of similar opinions about musicians, although I might not feel as...strongly as you do.”

His smirk made Axel’s face turn bright red, and the coldness in Saïx’s eyes made Axel want to shrivel up and die. God damn,  _ why _ was he so embarrassing?

“Oh.” Axel finally said. “Ok, um...wow first off, I’m so sorry.” He felt his face flush deeper and he wanted nothing more than to have the Earth open up and swallow him whole. “Wow, I am so embarrassed.” He leaned forward and placed his hands over his face to hide his shame and beet-red face.

Axel could feel Saïx lean back against the bench. “I could imagine.”

“Ya know,” Axel mumbled into his hands. “It seems like you’re enjoying this a bit too much.”

Saïx hummed. “Yeah, that’s an accurate statement.”

Axel peeked through his fingers and gave Saïx a glare. It only made the guy chuckle and shake his head.

“It’s be a much more menacing look for you if you didn’t look like a tomato on fire.”

“Oi, don’t go after my hair now.” Axel sat up and ran a hand through the brilliant red locks. “This is a work of art, forged through hours of arduous and labor and only the finest of hair products.”

“So that’s what you call dunking your hair in a can of red paint?”

Axel gave Saïx a scandalized look. “You wound me,  _ again _ .” Axel clutched his chest with his hand. “My poor heart just can’t take it anymore.

Saïx opened his notebook nonchalantly. “If you die give my regards to Mother Teresa.”

“Where I’m going I hope Mother Teresa won’t be there.”

Saïx burst out laughing. He leaned forward slightly, eyes closing and his mouth was open in a joyful gin. Axel joined in too, elated. It would seem that Saïx did not get freaked out by Axel’s rant which, while he firmly stands by each word and opinion he stated, was a very stupid thing to do. But Axel wasn’t going to think about it. Saïx is still talking to him and that’s all that matters in this moment.

“So if you don’t mind me asking, why do you write song lyrics?” Axel questioned after they both regained their breath. “You’re not in a band or a musician, so why bother?”

“Well, for me it’s a good way for me to express my thoughts. Some people paint, some people write stories - I just like to write song lyrics.”Saïx pursed his lips. “But a few of my friends are in a band, and the one is super annoying and wants to use my lyrics for their songs. I’ve let him have a few, but he’s so persistent and annoying about it. I usually end up holding onto the lyrics just to spite him.”

Axel laughed and nodded appreciatively. “I can respect that.”

“Yes, he is very obnoxious and ridiculous.” Saïx sighed.

“So he’s definitely a musician.”

“Exactly.” Saïx turned to him and smiled. “Do you know what the worst part about musicians is?”

Axel smiled in return and faced Saïx. “What?”

Axel had no idea how long they spent sitting on that bench, complaining about nearly everything under the sun. When they exhausted the topic of why they really hate musicians, they moved on to talk about other things they really hate. Their dislikes ranged from cinnamon gum and shopping malls to coffee shops and people who are mean to dogs. Axel was sure to not make a fool of himself again but he didn’t need to try hard. It was one of the easiest conversations he’s ever had, and Saïx also looked liked he was enjoying himself.

“Axel!” A voice calling over interrupted his opinion of pop music (totally overrated and existing solely to sell music to fanatic tweens) and Axel saw Roxas and Xion running over to them.

“Hey buddy,” Axel said when they came to a stop. “What’s going on?”

“I’m so hungry!” Roxas whined. He rubbed his belly for effect. 

Axel tried not to grimace. Damn this kid and his need to sustenance.

“Actually, I think we need to go.” Saïx checked his phone. “I need to be at work soon. Ready Xion?”

Xion nodded, a reserved smile on her face. But her eyes were bright and happy. 

“Will you guys be here tomorrow?” Roxas asked eagerly, forgetting how hungry he was to say goodbye. 

Saïx shook his head. “Unfortunately not, I have to work all day.” Was it Axel’s imagination, or did Saïx look as upset as Roxas and Xion.

“Aww man!” Roxas cried. 

Well, maybe not as upset as Roxas was. 

“It’s okay,” Xion replied comfortingly. “Maybe we’ll come back the next day?”

Axel’s head was bouncing between the three of them, impatiently but silently waiting for a decision to be made.

“I don’t work at all that day.” Saïx replied. “As long as you and Axel are free, then we can meet up with you guys then.”

“Please Axel!” Roxas shouted. He turned to Axel with puppy dog eyes and a pleading expression. Xion also looked his way hopefully. Axel glanced at them before meeting Saïx’s eyes. He looked calm, but he also looked curious as to what Axel would say.

He didn’t want to keep them in suspense much longer.

“Of course we’re free! We can meet up here and go from there? Maybe grab some lunch together?” Axel still spoke to Saïx, and even though he was scheduling a playdate for Roxas and Xion, he also held onto the thought that he was asking Saïx out on a date.

Saïx gave him a bright smile and nodded. “That sounds great.”

“Yay!” Roxas cheered and Xion laughed. Axel smiled too, feeling his heart thump in his chest. 


	6. Chapter 6

“What about a dog walker?”

“Not enough money.”

“Hmm, dog groomer?”

“Too much hair and slobber.”

“Lion tamer?”

“Why in the - how did you go from dog groomer to lion tamer?”

Axel grinner. “My thoughts move too fast for my brain to comprehend! These ideas are comin’ in rapid fire!”

“Yeah but none of these ideas are good.”

“Oh come on!”

Saïx snickered and kept writing in his notebook. The pair were sitting at the park on another glorious day. They had been meeting up for the past two weeks, bringing Roxas and Xion together for a play date while Axel and Saïx would shoot the shit.

It was clear that Roxas and Xion were becoming fast, if not best friends. They were practically joined at the hip while they were together - if Xion was on the swings so was Roxas. If Roxas was zooming down the slide Xion wasn’t far behind. Even when Xion would take a break in the shade, Roxas would join her and together they would watch the clouds pass by.

Axel learned that they would take frequent breaks because Xion was asthmatic. Saïx would constantly be glancing towards the playground to ensure that Xion was okay, but according to him Xion was smart and knew when she needed to take it easy. It made Axel worry a bit also, in part for Xion and wanting her to be okay. But he was also worried if Roxas would behave or if he would be bossy and push Xion too far. But surprisingly Roxas was very attentive and patient - he told Axel one day that he was always asking if she wanted a break and tried to stick close to her in case something were to happen. Axel thought it was cute - but not as cute as Saïx’s care for Xion.

Saïx confessed one day that he wasn’t always this nice to his little sister. She was adopted when she was a baby, and growing up Saïx didn’t like her at all. He recounted to Axel multiple times that he tried to flush her down the toilet, or many times that he stole her sweets and snacks. But it wasn’t until Saïx went away to college and spent his first time away from home. He told Axel he got a hand-drawn card in the mail from Xion and started bawling in the Student Services building. 

(Axel tried really hard not to laugh at Saïx, but he couldn't help but let a snicker out. It earned him a hard smack on the shoulder.)

Now Saïx lives in his own apartment in Twilight Town, but it’s still close enough that he can make the time to babysit Xion for his parents. He manages his time around his job at the library and tries to help out and babysit as much as he can. 

Axel nearly peed himself laughing when Saïx told him he worked at the public library. He could totally picture it - a Saïx wearing glasses and a cardigan and shushing people for breathing too loudly. Axel got a good laugh out of it until Saïx told him that he took the job because when he graduated college he had no job offers and no idea what he wanted to do with his life. That sobered Axel up pretty quick.

Axel could relate pretty well. He told Saïx so, feeling bad for teasing him so much. But Saïx quickly snipped back that Axel had no idea how he felt because he didn’t have a college degree, to which Axel to Saïx to royally fuck off. 

Axel had never met another person as quick and as snarky as Saïx. Almost everything Axel said Saïx had a petty response back. Whether Axel mentioned how hot it was outside, (“yeah, it’s called global warming and it’s ruining our lives,”) or how noisy the birds were being, (“I’m pretty sure they said the same thing about your loud mouth”) or even down to the low comfort level of the benches (“these benches have seen more shit than you ever will in your life, be grateful.”) Every little thing Axel said, Saïx came right back with a mean quip.

And Axel loved it.

For the first time in a long time Axel was able to be himself around another person. It was tricky at first, mainly because he found himself so incredibly attracted to Saïx that he didn’t want to say something stupid like he did the first day they met. But the more time they spent on the park bench together just talking the easier it got for Axel. 

Although he still thought Saïx was the most beautiful person he had ever met. But the slow steps they’ve taken to become friends has been one of the better decisions Axel has made in awhile. To him, dating has such high and weird expectations, and in such a short amount of time he’s expected to decide if they want to continue talking to this near-random stranger, or to just let things go. But when he’s only making a friend, all he has to do is not be an annoying asshole. Which Axel is, at some points. But he also knows that Saïx is a know-it-all asshole, and their give-and-take is what makes their friendship so enjoyable.

It’s been an enjoyable two weeks for Axel, and he wouldn’t trade it for much. He still gets to see Saïx, and he can still get lost in the quiet and thoughtful expression he makes when he’s writing, or gaze at his hands writing in his journal. With the added bonus of Roxas having someone his age to hang out with, Axel’s life was going quite well.

If Axel had one complaint (which is never the case, according to Saïx. Axel apparently complains about  _ everything _ ,) Axel still found himself lost at what he should do.

Yes, he was still lost at what he was going to do with his future, in terms of jobs and careers. But  _ that _ concern had taken a back seat to what Axel should do about his feelings for Saïx. Every day that they hang out, Axel finds himself falling more and more for the guy. But as far as he is aware, Saïx has not made any romantic intentions or has shown any interest towards Axel. Which is fine, because he knows that they are friends and he’d much rather be friends that not. But part of Axel doesn’t think it’s fair for him to have feelings towards Saïx without his friend knowing. And yeah, part of him is...slightly bummed that Saïx doesn’t seem to be interested in Axel.

But even  _ that  _ problem has to be set aside for another, much bigger worry - what will Saïx do when he finds out that Axel’s dad is Luxord? Axel doesn’t want to believe that Saïx would either see money signs or obsess over Luxord. But still...Axel can’t let himself get too comfortable. Because everyone knows that when you get too comfortable with something or someone that’s the perfect time for that something or someone to get ruined. Right?

So most of the time that Axel and Saïx spent together, Axel just ignores his worrying thoughts and tried to find random ways to push Saïx’s buttons. Today, on a fine and beautiful late summer morning, Axel decided to think of the most outlandish that he could find. Much to Saïx’s (fake) chagrin.

“Okay, if lion tamer is out, what about a...lion’s keeper or something.”

Saïx furrowed his brow and kept writing. “What’s a lion’s keeper?”

“I don’t know. Someone who takes care of the lions?”

“Ohhhhhh,” Saïx replied. But he sounded way more sarcastic than understanding, which made Axel stick his tongue out. 

“That’s very mature.” Saïx replied, not looking up from his journal.

“Oh, how did you know I was doing that?!”

“Because you are as subtle as your red hair.”

“Ha ha.” Axel replied dryly. He tilted his head back towards the sky, knowing full well that the sun made his hair look glamorous and radiant. And yeah, not subtle at all.

“Maybe I should just get a job at the library.” Axel said after a few minutes. 

Saïx scoffed. Axel turned his head to the side. Saïx’s hair had a light glow to it in the sun, almost giving off a bright aura. Axel knew that if Saïx looked up his eyes would glitter in the sun, making him look positively dazzling. Axel shook these thoughts from his head and refocused.

“What’s wrong with working at the library?” Axel asked.

“Having to deal with old people complaining about how so-and-so stole their seat, or banishing kids from the computer because they look at boobs all day is not fun. And don’t even get me started on the politics.”

Axel laughed. “What politics? Is there drama between the other librarians?”

Saïx nodded and glared down at his notebook. “So much fucking drama. It’s ridiculous.”

Axel laughed again. “Alright, maybe a job at the library wouldn’t be such a good idea.” Another peaceful silence stretched between them, with Axel looking over the playground. His eyes quickly found Roxas and Xion both on the swings, looking like they were having fun. Axel brought his gaze back to Saïx, who was still writing.

“Are you writing more lyrics, Beethoven?”

Axel was sure he heard Saïx mutter “idiot” under his breath before looking up. “Beethoven was a composer, he wrote musical pieces, not song lyrics.”

Axel waved his hand. “Ah potato, tomato.”

Saïx rolled his eyes and glanced down at his writing. “No, I am not writing more lyrics. I told my friend to fuck off last week so I think he’s been too scared to ask me.” Saïx paused. “That reminds me, my friends in the band are playing at a party tonight. You should come, if you want.”

Axel blinked as a small shiver ran through his body. Saïx was inviting him out, without their siblings! It was actually something Axel had wanted to ask for awhile but was too scared.

Saïx shifted in his seat, so Axel quickly cleared his throat and nodded. “Oh yeah, that sounds awesome.” To cover up his excitement, Axel smirked. “Well, besides the band part.”

Saïx smirked back, nodding. “Yeah, but it’s still a party. Wait,” his eyes narrowed and he looked suspicious. “Are you 21?”

Axel felt his smile widened. “Well, I will be in a few months. But my  _ other _ license says I’m 22.”

Saïx gave him a scrutinizing look before shrugging his shoulders. “Whatever, that works for me.” He looked out to the playground and nodded. “Looks like the kids are worn out. I’ll text you the address and time. Let me know if something comes up.”

Axel nodded as Roxas and Xion came skidding in. “Sounds good.” Axel turned to Roxas and Xion and smiled. “Have enough of the monkey bars today, bud?”

Roxas huffed in response. “I’m never going to get across them!” He collapsed on the bench next to Axel and crossed his arms, pouting. 

“Ahh, c’mon Roxas.” Axel replied encouragingly. “You can’t give up now.”

“If you practice enough you should be able to go across.” Saïx added. 

Xion was nodding in agreement. “I believe in you Roxas.”

Roxas glanced around before meeting Xion’s eyes, and slowly a smile spread across his face. “Thanks Xion.” He said happily.

“Uh, excuse me. But what about me and Saïx?” Axel asked indignantly. “Don’t forget that I am your ride home.”

Roxas looked at Axel, his smile morphing into something more mischievous. “Oh yeah, thank you Saïx.”

Saïx and Xion giggled as Axel narrowed his eyes. Honestly, the kid was such a brat.

“Alright, I’m leaving you behind.” Axel stood, feigning anger. Roxas joined in on their laughter as Axel turned away. “If anyone is looking for a stray, they can have him. Xion, Saïx - always a pleasure.” 

“Bye Axel!” Xion called happily as Axel stalked away.

“I’ll text you about tonight.” Saïx said. He waved a hand in the air, not bothering to turn around to see if Roxas was following him. He was sure that the kid was. And he didn’t want the huge smile on his face to give him away. But he couldn’t help it - he couldn’t wait to finally spend some time alone with Saïx.

“Axel, WAIT UP!” Roxas cried from far behind. Axel didn’t slow down, smirking to himself. That’ll show him.

But of course, Axel wasn’t really going to leave him in the park. Axel didn’t want to know what Aerith would do to him if he showed up sans Roxas. But he couldn’t let the kid know that.

* * *

Axel spent the rest of the day in his room, carefully selecting his outfit for the evening. He was putting in more effort yeah, but he wanted to make a good impression. But he had to act like it was nothing more than a normal day. But he had to look good and impress Saïx.  _ But _ he had to make it effortless.

Roxas came by and told him he was being stupid. Axel retaliated by throwing him out of his room. Literally throwing him.

But Roxas was right - Axel was being stupid. He was just going to a party with his friend that he was crushing on harder and harder each day. Totally casual, right?

That’s what Axel told himself on the drive over to the party. Totally casual. It was totally casual. 100% casual.

Axel wondered if he said the word casual enough he would begin to feel it. And then he realized that he thought about the word ‘casual’ too much and now it didn’t even seem like a weird word. And so his brain refocused on his massive crush on Saïx and thus began his downward spiral and panic.

But it was too late for Axel to spiral too far down before he arrived at the party. The house was located close to the local university, situated in the cheap apartments and housing meant for students. Most of the houses were dark, with summer being in session no students were hanging around. But one had thumping music and multi-colored lights flashing onto the lawn, and that’s where Axel found himself at 10:13 pm on a weeknight. 

He felt bad, because he was supposed to be there at 10 pm. According to Saïx the band was playing at 10:30 sharp. But Axel’s hair wasn’t cooperating as it should have, and he was  _ not _ going to leave the house without looking his best.

After a quick text to Saïx to let him know he was here Axel stepped out of his car and walked towards the house. The bass was prominent but the music wasn’t blaring loud enough to become a nuisance, yet. A few people were on the front porch, sharing cigarettes and chatting with each other. More light spilled out onto the lawn as the front door opened and Saïx looked out as Axel walked up the porch stairs.

“You’re late.” He called out.

Axel grinned. “Sorry, it takes time to get to this level of perfection.”

Saïx looked Axel up and down before speaking. “Clearly not enough time.” He turned away and walked inside the house.

“Oh get out of here,” Axel waved his hand as he followed Saïx inside. The music was thumping much louder and he walked close behind and shouted over the din. “I look great and you know it.”

Axel saw Saïx shake his head and smirk over his shoulder. He didn’t have a reply, which made Axel grin. He knew he looked good, but with no smart retort from Saïx made Axel feel like a million bucks. 

They weaved through the crowd, Saïx leading Axel along. The place was packed, either from the house being too small or the crowd being way too large. They passed a dining room with two pong tables and games going, and made their way to another room, packed with even more people. It seemed much more crowded in here, largely due to the small clearing against the wall. Axel saw a drum kit, keyboard, a few microphones and massive speakers set up, with a rope going around the entire display.

“Is this where the  _ band _ will be playing?” Axel called over with contempt. 

Saïx turned his head and nodded. “Unfortunately yes.” He paused so Axel could catch up and stand next to him. Saïx fully turned and leaned in close, putting his mouth right by Axel’s ear. “I told them that they should stay by their stuff so that nothing gets damaged or stolen. But they never listen to me.” He pulled away so he could give Axel a full eye roll.

Axel’s heart thumped hard in his chest. Saïx’s breath was hot in his ear, and he still spoke loud and easy. It was minorly out of character for him, and Axel was able to deduce that he was possibly a bit tipsy. In the light of the house Saix’s face was flushed and the corners of his mouth were up in a loose smile. 

Axel thought he looked absolutely adorable, and he couldn’t help but smile back. He nodded in agreement with Saix’s annoyance and waved a hand.

“Musicians, right?”

Saix nodded vigorously and lifted his cup. “Exactly.” He took a long gulp (Axel trying very hard to ignore the bobbing of Saix’s throat as he swallowed.) “Hey, I’m going to get you a drink. Wait here, and I’ll be right back.”

Axel nodded and watched Saix disappear through the crowd. Once he was out of his sight, Axel exhaled sharply and ran a hand over his face. All he wanted to do was have a good time and enjoying being with Saïx without the responsibility of their younger siblings being around. He knew that he’d have to push down any immoral thoughts of how good-looking Saïx was and how Axel really felt about him, but seeing how cute Saïx was being after having a few drinks, and seeing his bright eyes and flushed face made Axel want to act on his inappropriate ideas. 

This evening was going to be much more difficult than he thought. 

A hand clamped on his shoulder made Axel instinctively tense up and he twirled around quickly.

“Hey, what the hell -” He didn’t get to finish his sentence before his mouth dropping opening. It was the guy from the coffee shop with the awful mullet-style haircut.

“Hey buddy! Long time no see!” The guy (Demyx? Was that his name?  _ So  _ unusual,) looked overjoyed to see Axel, as if their last meeting was years ago and wasn’t a total disaster.

“You?!” Axel, already upset with someone touching him without his permission, got real mad real quick with seeing Demyx’s face again. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

“I saw you here, and I thought I’d come say hi!” Demyx was supporting a goofy smile, and he still had his hand on Axel’s shoulder. Which was about to be torn from his arm if he didn’t move it ASAP.

“Why in the world would you think I’d want to talk to you?” Axel snapped, smacking Demyx’s hand away. “The last time I saw you I was about ready to punch you for harrassing me and my younger brother.”

Demyx’s smile fell as he shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I remember. I was just hoping that you wouldn’t remember the details that much and we could pretend it was all a big misunderstanding!” He chuckled weakly, which in no way affected how angry Axel still was. Demyx cleared his throat and continued. “Okay, I get it. You don’t want anything to do with me. I bet you wished that I just disappeared off the face of the Earth and then you’d never have to see me again.”

“That’s pretty damn close.” Axel nearly snarled. “How about you start now by getting lost.”

“But wait! If you would just give me a second -”

“Nope.” Axel interrupted shortly. “Leave me alone or else I’m really going to punch you.”

Demyx’s face blanched for a second and he took a step backwards when they were joined by another person. He was short, barely coming up to Axel’s shoulder, and had short and cropped grey hair. He grabbed Demyx’s arm hard and kept him rooted in place.

“Demyx.” He spoke with a bored and even voice. It was on-par to how Saïx spoke, but with even less emotion. “Are you apologizing or not? Because the show’s about to start.”

“I’m trying!” Demyx whined. He pulled himself behind the newcomer and hid himself. “But the scary man is scary!”

Zexion sighed and looked at Axel, who was trying hard to keep up but was already very lost. Which if anything made him angrier. 

“What the hell is going on?” He asked angrily, the little patience he had slipping away. “Who the hell are you?”

“Zexion.” The guy replied shortly as he attempted to pull Demyx out from behind him. “And I know you’ve met Demyx before, and he did not make the great first impression so he’s been sent here to apologize. Which,” Zexion turned around and forcibly pulled a pouting and terrified Demyx out in front of him. “You promised you would do, Demyx. So just fucking do it.”

Seeing another person getting frustrated with Demyx made Axel calm down slightly, but he still had to deal with the blubbering fool with an awful haircut trembling in front of him.

“Zexion,” Demyx whimpered. “He’s gonna punch me in the face!”

“Not unless you apologize,” Zexion countered, still emotionless and still keeping Demyx in front of him.

“But, but, but - ”

“What’s going on?” Saïx had returned, holding two full cups of beer in his hand. Axel watched him take in Demyx’s terrified face, Zexion’s bored expression and Axel’s anger. Oh man, he was gonna be  _ so _ pissed. Axel calmed himself as he readied to watch Saïx tear into these two idiots.

“Have you finally apologized, Demyx? You guys are supposed to be playing in two minutes.”

Wait, what?

Axel’s mouth dropped open as Saïx sent a glare to Demyx, who was still cowering in front of Axel, being held in place by Zexion.

“No I haven’t! I was going to, but then Axel said he was going to punch me in the face, and then Zexion came over and interrupted me, and then  _ you _ -”

“Wait a minute, back up.” Axel held up his hands to stop the group from bickering amongst themselves. Three pair of eyes - one scared, one bored and one irritated - all turned to him as he tried to piece together what the heck was happening. “Do you all...know each other?”

“Yes!” Demyx cried, in a desperate manner to change the topic. “Well this is Zexion, he is my precious and beautiful boyfriend.” He gestured to the bored grey-haired man, who rolled his eyes. “And you know Saïx, he said he met you at the park a few weeks back and he knew that we got off on the wrong foot, and - ”

“Okay, shut up hold on.” Axel cut Demyx off, rubbing his head with his hand. Something still didn’t add up, and it wasn’t until he thought back to what Saïx said when he came back to the group.

Comprehension dawned on him like a swift smack to the face.

“Wait, are  _ you _ Saïx’s idiot friend in the band?” Axel pointed to Demyx as the confusing puzzle pieces fit together. “The same band that is playing this party tonight, and the same idiot who bothers Saïx for lyrics?”

Demyx opened his mouth to answer when two people joined their group. Axel immediately recognized Larxene and Marluxia from the coffee shop - although Larxene’s blonde hair was slicked back except for two pieces protruding from the top in symmetrical curves. She had a scowl on her face, and Marluxia looked as bored.

“Demyx! We are supposed to be playing! Get your ass over to the stage, c’mon!” Larxene grabbed Demyx’s arm and dragged him towards the set-up. He yelped and resisted.

“Larxene, stop! I need to apologize to Axel! Let me go!”

“What the hell are you talking abo - oh.” Larxene looked back over her shoulder and spotted Axel. She quickly glanced around before narrowing her eyes. “Well, the apology can wait. We have a set to get started, and if you don’t get your ass in front of a microphone in ten seconds I am gonna shove it up your ass.”

Demyx squealed and rushed off, his hands covering his bottom. Larxene had a smirk on her face as she followed behind. Marluxia was giving Axel a calculating look, before he too made his way to the “stage.” All that was left was Axel, Zexion and Saïx, who was still holding two cups of beer.

“Did he even apologize?” Saïx asked in an annoyed voice, taking a sip from one of the cups. Axel glanced at him and saw him looking at Zexion, who heaved a sigh and shook his head.

“No. He’s an idiot.” Zexion replied curtly. “I’ll make sure that he officially apologizes later.” Zexion nodded at them both, and before Axel could ask again what was happening he disappeared into the crowd. Party-goers began to congregate in front of the stage, moving around the unmoving pair. Sounds of a band performing a quick warm up.

Axel, still reeling with the fact that Saïx is tied to these lunatics and still horribly confused, faced Saïx. “What the hell is going on?”

Saïx looked at him, and gave a small smile before handing over the second beer. “Here, drink this while I explain.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Drinking and Recreational Drug Use in the chapter!

_“You burn me like a bitter bourbon,_

_“Call me up baby, just to tell me what you need._

_“You lean in close and whisper in my ear,_

_“‘Just shut your mouth and get on your knees.’”_

“Wow, super classy.” Axel remarked loudly as the crowd around him cheered and jumped in time with the music. He downed the last of his second beer as Demyx launched into a guitar solo, writhing on stage. Larxene was keeping the beat steady while Marluxia provided support and back up vocals. The crowd was screaming and cheering, boys and girls alike packed together as close as they could get to the stage.

Axel doesn’t listen to music that often (for obvious reasons.) But Demyx and the band had a classic rock meets indie alternative that just worked super well. Not to mention their stage presence was on point - Axel watched as Demyx bounced around, screaming the lyrics with Marluxia in the same mic, blowing kisses back to Larxene on the drums, and giving the crowd exactly what they wanted.

Axel had to admit, they sounded pretty good.

But they did play _a lot_ of covers. The last song and the one currently blasting through the house were the only two originals, and the last one was about condiments and pickles. Axel didn’t even need Saïx to hastily explain that Demyx also wrote some songs for him to guess which blond-haired moron concocted “masterpiece.”

And Axel still didn’t like them, just because they were musicians. And Demyx was involved, and as far as Axel knew, he was an idiot.

Saïx gave Axel a quick explanation of how everyone was connected and when they all met, but it was rushed and Axel couldn’t really quite hear the last part because the band had started and it had been nearly impossible to hear anything. So he just stood with Saïx and Zexion, further back in the crowd where they weren’t jostled as much. Zexion nodded his head in beat while Saïx was a bit more enthusiastic in his motions.

“ _You lean in close and whisper in my ear_ ,” Demyx now crooned into the microphone, before turning it onto the crowd.

“ _‘Just shut your mouth and get on your knees!’_ ” The crowd screamed right back, to Demyx’s sheer delight. His fingers danced along his guitar as Marluxia slammed on the keyboard, helping bring the song to its conclusion. With a wicked smile on her face, Larxene added to the ending with a loud clashing of her cymbals, and together the three ended the sound with a fantastic blend of music and noise. The crowd roared with its approval, hooting and hollering.

“Thank you!” Demyx cried into the microphone. His hair was all over the place and he was panting heavily. “We are The Four Sinners - ”

 “The Three Sinners!” Marluxia chimed in from his microphone, shaking his head. The crowd laughed and Demyx put on a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, The Three Sinners! We’re gonna take a quick break, but we’ll be back shortly!”

He stepped away from the microphone and slung his guitar’s strap over his head. Axel watched as the three performers clear up their stage. Music played from the house speakers and the crowd went back to chattering amongst themselves. Most made way for the kitchen for more alcohol, leaving Axel, Saïx and Zexion pinned against the wall.

“I thought they sounded pretty good.” Axel said loudly over the noise. Saïx meet his gaze and nodded in agreement.

“They were off tonight.” Zexion remarked dryly. He was glaring into the crowd, his eyes searching.

“Oh just because Demyx has some groupies doesn’t mean you need to get jealous, Zexion.” Saïx replied with a sly smile.

“I am not jealous of some drunk skank who will bend over for anyone in front of flashing lights.” Zexion snapped back.

“Someone sounds defensive.” Axel observed. Saïx caught his eyes and shot him a grin. Zexion definitely caught it and huffed.

“I am not going to take this from you. I’m finding Demyx.”

Axel and Saïx chortled together as Zexion stalked off. They were standing close together, and Axel could see Saïx’s glassy eyes and rosy cheeks. Axel had watched Saïx down no more than three beers during the set, impressed with how well he kept on his feet.

“Let’s go after him,” Saïx said loudly. “We can get more drinks on the way.”

“Are you serious?” Axel called back skeptically. “The kitchen is packed.”

Saïx just nodded and made his way through the throng of partygoers. Not wanting to be left behind, and knowing full well that there was a good chance he wouldn’t find Saïx if he lost him, Axel kept right on his tail. They eventually made their way to the kitchen, where two guys were working the bar. Or at least the corner of the kitchen that housed two kegs and a table with a smattering of bottles. One of the bartenders, a burly man with long black hair and an immaculate and manicured beard/moustache combo, saw Axel and Saïx coming their way. He nodded in their direction and poured two cups of beer. Saïx fought his way through the crowd, elbowing people and clearly not giving a fuck. When he reached the corner the guy handed both drinks to him without a word. 

Axel saw a smaller and shrimpier guy next to Saïx opened his mouth to complain but after a menacing glare from the other bartender, an enormous guy with curly auburn hair, the shrimp shut his mouth.

Saïx turned around and handed Axel one of the cups and gestured for him to move.

“How did you do that?” Axel asked over his shoulder as they walked back to the main room.

“Band members and friends drink for free and get first priority.” Saïx said. He was closer than Axel realized, and he felt hot breath at the back of his neck. Goosebumps rose on his arms, and he did his best to focus on moving away from the crowd and walking in a straight line. He wasn’t quite sure where he was going but he would go wherever as long as Saïx stayed close behind him.

Nothing but naughty thoughts crossed Axel’s mind as he made his way through the crowd. He valiantly tried to shove them deep down, but he could _feel_ Saïx close behind him. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about being alone with Saïx away from the crowd, pressed in a corner with hot breath on his neck…

Axel jumped as Saïx stepped out from behind Axel. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice the lesser crowds and the people milling about.

“You okay?” Saïx asked. His eyes were still glossy but he held a look of concern on his face.

Axel nodded vigorously, hoping that the dim lighting in the house hid his blush.

Saïx shrugged and took a long gulp of his beer before gesturing towards the stage. Axel nodded again and they made their way across, finding Zexion, Demyx, Larxene and Marluxia crowded around. Zexion was nearly in Demyx’s lap, with an arm around his shoulders and a possessive look on his face. Demyx didn’t seem to mind as he wiped sweat from his forehead with a towel while keeping an arm draped loosely around Zexion’s waist. He was watching Larxene and Marluxia converse, which from the short distance between them and Axel he guessed they were in a heated argument.

“If you didn’t drag so much I wouldn’t have to play catch-up and keep us on track.” Larxene nearly shouted with frustration.

“Well even if that was true I’m trying to slow us back down before we become a high-speed marching band.” Marluxia hissed right back.

Larxene threw her hands up. “What the - what does that even _mean_?!”

“Guys, cut it out.” Demyx called in a soothing voice. “I thought we sounded tight.”

Both Larxene and Marluxia shot him an incredulous look. Their mirrored actions were almost comical. Marluxia scoffed. “ _Of course_ you do.”

“It’s like he wasn’t even listening.” Larxene replied to Marluxia with a knowing tone to her voice. He nodded in agreement before taking a sip from his water bottle.

Demyx caught Axel’s eye and gave him a quick wink. He shook his head before fully turning to Axel. “So, what did you think? Do you like?”

Axel couldn’t do much except shrug his shoulders and nod. “Yeah, I thought you guys sounded pretty good. But I don’t know much about music, so,” he shrugged again. But Demyx looked thrilled.

“I’m glad! And,” he cleared his throat and stepped forward, stopping in front of Axel. “I would like to formally apologize for that day at the coffee shop. So - I am sorry.”

He sounded serious and looked stiff - Axel chanced a glance behind Demyx to catch Zexion rolling his eyes. He shot another glance to Saïx, who looked like he was trying not to laugh out loud. Larxene and Marluxia were caught up in another debate so Axel didn’t bother checking with them. 

“Yeah, that’s alright.” He held out his hand to Demyx. “I forgive you.”

Demyx smiled and grasped Axel’s hand, pulling him into a tight hug. It was a bone-crushing hug that Axel was not expecting nor did he want.

“Yeah, I’m gonna rescind that forgiveness if you don’t let me go.” He said gruffly in Demyx’s ear. Who thankfully got the message and immediately released him. 

“Sorry man, I just get so happy after playing a set. I forget my boundaries sometimes.”

“Not just after playing a set.” Zexion added. Demyx whipped around and quickly pulled Zexion into an embrace, blowing raspberries on Zexion’s cheek as he did.

“Awww, did someone get jealous?” He cooed, refusing to let Zexion go even while his boyfriend struggled.

“So jealous.” Saïx confirmed with a smirk. Demyx let out a laugh and smushed his face even closer to Zexion’s.

“Ugh, get off me.” Zexion snarled, struggling against the vice grip of Demyx’s arms. “Don’t you have to play again, like now?”

Demyx, keeping one arm around Zexion, pulled out his phone and checked the time. “Shoot, yeah you’re right.” He turned and called over the Larxene and Marluxia. “Warm up a bit guys, we’re about to go back on.”

Larxene nodded. “This time I’ll make sure to keep the tempo from slipping.” Larxene called as she stepped behind the drumset.

“Or it’ll be my job, as usual.” Marluxia snipped back as he stretched out his fingers. Larxene sent a glare to his back but said nothing.

Demyx gave Zexion a quick kiss before reaching for his guitar. “Duty calls, my love.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Zexion replied, but his face went soft. “Just don’t get distracted by the groupies.”

“I know,” Demyx said with a radiant smile. “I’ve got the best groupie there is.”

“Oh good lord,” Zexion turned and walked away. But Axel spotted a satisfied smile on his face as he stalked away. 

“Good luck,” Saïx told Demyx before he left. Demyx pulled the guitar strap over his head as he nodded, making his way back to the stage. But he paused, looking back at Saïx with a thoughtful expression.

“You know -”

“No.” Saïx cut him off immediately. 

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“No Demyx.” Saïx’s voice went hard and his eyes narrowed. Axel watched, surprised silent at the sudden sharp tension in the air. “And I fucking mean it.”

“Alright alright, I surrender.” Demyx held his hands up with a guilty look before turning away to talk to Larxene and Marluxia.

Axel could’ve sworn he saw a look of remorse pass across Demyx’s face, but it was so quick that Axel wasn’t sure if he imagined it. But when Demyx was talking with Larxene and Marluxia he was all business, his normal relaxed face set in concentration.

Maybe Axel was wrong to write Demyx off as a simple idiot. He definitely still believed the man to be an idiot, but someone that dim-witted couldn't handle himself the way Demyx was at the moment.

Saïx’s sharp exhale brought Axel back to reality. He turned to look at his friend, who suddenly looked so exhausted and worn out that Axel became concerned. 

“What was that about?” He asked, as casual as he could.

Saïx shook his head. “Nothing, Demyx is an idiot.” He smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “As usual.”

Axel laughed, not really thinking it was all that funny.

Saïx shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Do you want to go outside, and get some fresh air?”

“Sure,” Axel replied. The crowd was back, pressing against the stage again. As they walked away Axel caught some of the girls in the front scanning everyone on the stage like a piece of meat. A few even kept their eyes on Saïx as he walked away, their eyes following his retreating form.

Axel felt his hackles raise at the dumb skanks’ leering looks. Who the fuck did they think they were? How in the hell do they think they have the _slightest_ chance for Saïx to even _look_ in their directed?

Axel impulsively reached out to grab Saïx’s hand, but had to pull himself back. Jealousy was flaring within Axel and rearing its ugly head, but he he had no right to be possessive of what wasn't his.

Saïx pushed open the back door and led them to the backyard. Chairs were scattered around, almost all empty. A few people were clumped in small groups, and Axel spotted a couple making out in one of the fragile-looking chairs. The jealousy still made anger course through his body, and he willed for the brittle chair to break and cause the obscene-couple to crash to the ground.

Saïx found two chairs close to the backyard’s wooden fence and sat down. Axel joined him in the second chair close by, willing himself to relax and try to enjoy being off his feet. He needed to calm down and keep the anger at bay, but there was nothing around to distract him. But it was Saïx who produced the perfect solution. 

“Wanna share?” Saïx was holding out a tightly wrapped joint in one hand and a lighter in another. He didn’t wait for Axel to answer before he held the joint to his lips and lit it. He took a long drag, holding the smoke in his mouth before tilting back and exhaling into the air. He held the joint to Axel, keeping his head back and up.

The lights from the house didn’t quite reach their seats, but there was enough for Axel to make out Saïx’s profile. His hair had almost a silver shimmer in the night, and he looked to Axel with gentle eyes nearly glowing in the dark.

Axel gently took the joint in his hand, also taking a drag. He didn’t know that they were going to smoke, or else he wouldn’t drank so much beer. But he figured he wasn’t smashed, so there shouldn’t be any problem.

He sincerely hoped there wouldn’t be a problem, or else this would become a very embarrassing night.

They passed the joint between them for a few minutes, sitting in silence and enjoying the high. Axel could feel the weight of the world fly off his shoulders, and he relaxed in his seat. The angry jealous monster in Axel shut his eyes and coiled up for a nice nap, much to his relief.

He could see Saïx enjoying the same luxuries - he too sank into his lawn chair and had a bemused look on his face.

Suddenly a nervous thought struck Axel - how did Saïx and Demyx really know each other? Did Saïx tell Demyx and tha band that he was coming, so did Saïx know about the entire situation at the coffee shop? Does Saïx know about his father?

“Fuck, this is nice.” Saïx murmured, before taking another drag. The glowing embers from the tip of the joint lit up his face in a soft glow.

“It is,” Axel agreed quietly. He couldn’t feel quite as relaxed as hid did before, not with the intrusive thoughts bouncing around in his head. They were unpleasant and making Axel stir-crazy. Suddenly the air was too stuffy and he was too hot and he was _so stupid_ and -

“Hey, Axel.” Saïx’s voice brought Axel back and he gasped, not realizing that he had been holding his breath for so long.

“Shit,” Axel wheezed. “Sorry.”

Saïx didn’t reply but he was sitting upright, leaning in close to Axel and looking serious as Axel attempted to catch his breath again.

 _Fuck, how embarrassing_ , Axel thought as he forced his body to calm down. Here he was, nearly having a panic attack, all because he couldn’t deal with the unknown of if Saïx knows who he is and who his father is and not knowing what Saïx will do with that information.

God it was so fucking confusing for Axel. And there was only one way he was going to figure it out.

 _Might as well get this over with_ , he thought miserably.

“So,” Axel said in a hoarse voice. He paused, clearing his throat before continuing. “So how did you know that Demyx knew me?”

Saïx raised his eyebrows but shrugged his shoulders. “Oh, I was telling them about the disastrous first time we saw each other at the park, and I told them that you had pointy and bright red hair. Demyx was able to connect the dots pretty quick. Surprisingly quick, to be honest…” Saïx trailed off, his voice thoughtful.

Axel laughed weakly to himself. “Why do you hate my hair so much? Are you jealous?”

Saïx snorted. “Absolutely not.”

“Fine.” Axel retorted, running a hand through his impeccable and beautiful locks. “So then what happened?”

“Okay, so Demyx realized that he had already met you and when he told me the story Larxene and Marluxia realized also. They also supplied a lot of the finer details that Demyx left out, like how he harassed you and your brother for a photo and other shit like that.” Saïx shook his head. “God, he is so annoying. But anyway, I told him that I wouldn’t write anything for him until he properly apologized to you. And even then, I’m still not sure I want to give him anything.”

Axel felt his heart sink in his chest. Saïx mentioned the photo incident so casually, so he must know all the details - who was there, why Demyx was being obnoxious, and Axel’s reaction in the heat of the moment. It’s been the one thing that he didn’t want getting out, and now it’s actually out. 

Axel felt sick - what is Saïx going to do? Beg for an autograph? Ask for money? Leave Axel alone because he also does not like musicians and since Axel’s father is a musician that would make him guilty by association?

“Now I have a question.” Saïx stated, taking another hit from the stub of their joint. He turned in his seat, and faced Axel head-on.

Oh god, this was it. Saïx was going to ask for something that Axel couldn’t give, and frankly didn’t want to give. 

Axel’s heart was racing. He felt a mixture of fear, sadness and apprehension. And if he was being honest, annoyance. It was just going to be another scenario of someone yanking him around just to get close to Luxord.

Fuck Luxord. 

“Did you really like the band? Or were you just being nice before?” 

Axel met Saïx’s serious gaze with a confused look. “Wait, what?”

“Earlier you told Demyx and them that you liked their music and sounds or whatever. But you’ve told me that you hate musicians.” Saïx was speaking slowly, as if he was explaining a problem to a toddler. “So were you lying to them or lying to me?”

Axel was speechless. This was not the line of questioning he was expecting. 

“To be fair, I don’t give a shit if you were lying to Demyx.” Saïx added, taking another pull from the joint. “But I do care when people lie to me.”

“No, I wasn’t lying.” Axel replied quickly. “I wasn’t lying to either of you. I wasn’t - aw, fuck.” Axel’s heart was still beating frantically, and the adrenaline was catching up to him and making his brain spazz out. “I’m sorry, I just really thought you were going to ask me something else.”

“What else would I have asked?” Saïx questions, sounding equally confused. 

Axel threw his hands up. “Oh I don’t know. Something like, ‘ _Oh can I have your dad’s autograph?’_ Or ‘ _Your dad’s rich, right? Do you have any money?’_ ” Axel laughed bitterly. “Or there’s this good one, ‘ _I thought you’d be as hot as your dad, but you’re not.’_ ”

“That last ones not really a question.” Saïx noted quietly.

Axel scoffed. “Yeah well, I’ve heard it before, so.” He stopped talking, letting his heart rate slow.

They sat in silence, Saïx looking contemplative. Axel himself felt so uncomfortable, and he felt like shit. He didn’t really mean to go off, or snap at Saïx like that. He didn’t do anything wrong. 

Axel wanted to jump off a cliff - could he go  _one_ day without fucking shit up?

“I’m not sure if this is the right thing to say,” Saïx finally spoke, his words slow and thoughtful. “But I really don’t care who your father is.”

Axel snapped his head up, finding Saïx with a cautious look on his face.

“Now I don’t mean that I don’t care about your dad,” Saïx amended quickly. He held up his hands in defense. “Like, he’s your _dad_ and I care about him because of that. But I don’t care that, ya know, he’s a rockstar or whatever.” Saïx muttered the last few words, turning away. Axel could see a hint of red on his face but that detail didn’t matter.

“You don’t care?” Axel asked incredulously. “You don’t want anything?”

Saïx turned back and looked at Axel.

“I want you to be my friend.” He replied simply. “I want to be friends with Axel, not Luxord’s son or anyone else.” He gave Axel a small and shy smile, making Axel’s heart go into overdrive.

“Oh," was all Axel could say. His brain was still trying to piece together that Saïx wanted to be _his_ friend while he was also keeping his heart from bursting into song and dance.

“Do people really ask you for stuff, because of your dad?” Saïx asked after a minute of silence.

Axel nodded. “Yeah, people are crazy. But it’s whatever.”

“No it’s not whatever.” Saïx replied back, a hint of anger in his voice. “People shouldn’t do that to you, they shouldn’t use you just because it’s convenient or because they want something. That’s _so_ wrong.”

“No Saïx, it’s okay.” Axel assured with a smile. And it was a real smile, his mood lifting. “I don’t really care about those people. They don’t get it - they think that they are entitled to something because my dad is famous and gives people what they want. But they all seem to forget that I’m my own person, and I’m not a tool for them to get what they want.”

Saïx was watching Axel speak, rapt. His eyes were wide and bloodshot, his face flushed. He still stared at Axel after he finished speaking, before shaking his own head.  “I just can’t believe that there are people out there who are so small-minded and ridiculous enough to bother you.”

Axel nodded in agreement. “The worst people are the ones who get close to you, and pretend to be your friend.”

Saix’s jaw dropped. “People actually do that?”

Axel gave Saïx a look, hoping that it would convey his answer without having to say it. It seemed to, because Saïx made a noise of disgust.

“How fucking _low_ does someone have to be to think that manipulation is an OK thing to do?” He hissed, his face twisting in fury. “The audacity of the human race just blows my mind.”

“Yeah well, not everyone is like that.” Axel reminded Saïx with a small smile. He was hoping that it would diffuse some of the anger that was clearly building in Saïx. It was one thing for Saïx to defend Axel and stand up for him, but it was another thing for him to get angry for Axel. 

It seemed to work, because Saïx let out a huge exhale and slumped in his seat. He looked exhausted and just generally gloomy. He looked over to Axel, and gave him a long look. 

Axel could see some of the tension leave Saïx’s face - his eyes grew softer and his lips drew up into a smile. Axel would describe the look on Saïx’s face as fond, but there was something else there. Something that made Axel’s heart go _thump-thump_ and made him forget that they were in the backyard at a house party after sharing some truly incredible weed, and made him forget that he overshared some of his thoughts and fears, and made him feel like they were the only two people left on Earth.

It was a look that made Axel feel things he hasn’t felt in a long time, or even things he’s never ever felt. But most importantly, it made him feel safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the radio silence, I've had quite a busy month but now I am back! I'm looking to update on Sundays, hopefully a chapter a week!
> 
> To everyone who's read this and left kudos, thank you so much it means the world! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Summer life in Twilight Town is full of sunny days, sandy feet at the beach, sticky fingers from sea salt ice cream, and serene moments watching the sunset.

A month ago, Axel found the entire idea disgusting. It was too cliche, and it made him sick. 

But now he found himself reveling in his day-to-day life. His days were spent with Roxas, Xion and Saïx, going to parks and movies and the beach now and then. It was safe to say that Roxas and Xion were officially best friends, just from the time that they would spend with each other. But Axel spotted them sporting matching friendship bracelets, and one day coming home from the beach, Axel found Roxas holding a seashell in his hands. He pestered Roxas about it (performing his obligatory older brother duties) until Roxas snapped and told him Xion gave it to him and he had to guard it with his life. Axel backed off, failing to fight the smile off his face.

So his days revolved around running after Roxas and Xion with Saïx, sometimes without Saïx if his friend had to work. But every night was spent at Saïx’s side. The pair would wander around and paint the town red. 

Well, as good as one  _ could _ paint Twilight Town.

They’d go catch a movie or head to the arcade, even spending a late night at the beach, watching the moon over the water. Axel quickly learned that Saïx had a  _ slight _ obsession with the moon, choosing to leave any and all conversations if he could and go stare up at the moon instead.

Axel doesn’t mind, in fact he finds it quite endearing. (Okay, maybe he found it absolutely adorable.) He’s had to hunt down Saïx on more than one occasion, and it’s always been a safe bet that Axel would find his friend outside. His head would be tilted up, and he would be nursing his drink, or taking a hit from his joint, or sometimes doing absolutely nothing but gaze at the moon.

But while the nights almost mirrored their days, Axel and Saïx spent a majority of their time with the band. The Three Sinners had performances two or three nights a week, their venues varying from house parties to bars. Even playing out in an open field by an old barn once.

Axel didn’t know how or why some kid had a party in a barn full of animals, but he didn’t question it. He got some  _ amazing _ selfies with adorable horses that Saïx chastised him for.

But when the venues were in relatively normal spaces Axel found himself spending more time with Demyx and the gang. And in time they all became Axel’s friends too.

Some he could  _ maybe  _ do without. But only if he had to choose.

Demyx was always  _ a lot _ to handle. His mood swings were all over the place, ranging from happy to ecstatic. Never did Axel see him turn sour or mad, but sometimes he wished Demyx would. It would be a nice break from the ever-constant ray of sunshine that would blind Axel at times.

But while Axel chalked Demyx up for being a simple idiot, he eventually had to begrudgingly take it back. Demyx was not simple. He was smart and passionate when it came to him and the band, almost never joking around when they had to perform. And he was very perceptive of those around him, almost hyper-aware of the people and their emotions. Axel had spotted it the first night he saw them play, but had more proof in countless situations.

While Demyx was over-the-top rainbows and butterflies, Larxene and Marluxia were the hard-edge and razors that Axel had been ready to deal with. 

Although he never really wanted to deal with them. Larxene was mean, plain and simple. She had a job to do and she was going to do it - if you were in her way she’d make sure you knew it before shoving you out of the way. And she’d toss in a colorful insult for good measure.

Axel found himself clashing with Larxene on more than one occasion, and he’s satisfied to know that he’s currently one-up on their encounters. He’s not going to stand by and let her push him around, and he’s come off from their arguments/conversations/vicious combats victorious more than once.

However the problem with hot-headed people who were quick was that they came back with a sharp bark and an even sharper bite.

Saïx has had to step in and separate the two before things escalate in a dangerous way, while Marluxia would intervene and pull Larxene away. Although it's been close, Axel and Larxene have not been in an all-out brawl. Axel doubts that they ever will.

Marluxia, on the other hand, has maybe exchanged a total of ten to fifteen words with Axel. He is always quiet, cold and calculating. The most Axel will see him converse is if he’s complaining to Demyx about Larxene or arguing with Larxene about her musical abilities.

It’s a bit unnerving, because on more than one occasion Axel has found Marluxia straight-up staring at him, deep blue eyes piercing. Axel’s mentioned this to Saïx, who will usually snip at “Marly” and tell him to bug off. Axel knows he’s harmless, but still. If he wants someone to stare at him, he’d have to choose Saïx. 

But the one person that Axel honestly didn’t see him becoming close with turns out to has almost become his second best friend. Zexion seemed to be even colder than Marluxia and even ruder than Larxene, but he warmed up to Axel relatively quick. Maybe it was their mutual hate and distrust of others that did it.

Soon enough Axel would find himself hanging out with either Saïx, Saïx and Zexion, or the few rare times of just Zexion. Mainly in those moments where Saïx wandered off, or went to get another drink.

Or in moments like this, when Zexion has had way too much to drink, and he decides to sit and be philosophical. 

“Here’s the thing,” Zexion emphasized, his hands gesturing wildly. “If we weren’t meant to have hearts, then we wouldn’t have them! And not because some ‘God’ thought we’d be better off without them, but because some smart ass would come along and convince a bunch of lunatics to get rid of their hearts. But just because this  _ one _ asshole says we shouldn’t and can convince a small number of people to believe him, what’s stopping him from convincing  _ everyone _ that we don’t need them?”

Axel wants to believe that he’s at the same brain level to be philosophical as well, but in reality he’s currently too stoned to move.

“Zexion, I hate to interrupt but I am so lost and so high right now.” Axel said. He thought he was speaking quickly but it came out in a lazy slur.

Zexion paused in his gestures to look around the circle of chairs that only he and Axel were occupying. “Where did everyone go?”

Axel shrugged. “I think Larxene and Marluxia went off to fuck, and Demyx and Saïx are playing pong.”

Zexion blinked before slouching in his seat, all energy and motivation from his enthusiastic monologue gone. “Figures I’d just bore everyone to death and they’d want to leave.”

“Ehhhh,” Axel couldn’t find a better excuse before Zexion leaned forward and held his head in his hands.

“Same shit, different day.” He moaned into his hands. “I go on and on, and everyone leaves. It’s why I have no friends, and it’s why Demyx wants to leave me.”

Axel snapped out of his hazy, stoned state at that depressing confession. “Wait, what? Demyx is leaving you?”

“Not yet.” Zexion muttered glumly. “He will though, I know it.”

“Why do you think that?” Axel asked, quickly sobering up. “Has he mentioned wanting to leave you or break up?”

Zexion laughed without humor. “No, he asks me to marry him almost every other week.”

“Is he being serious?”

“Dead serious.”

Axel paused. “Then I’m confused, why do you think he’ll leave you?”

“He wants to settle down and get married, but that’s not what I want. Don’t get me wrong,” Zexion quickly amended. “I want to be with Demyx, and I want to get married someday. But not today.”

“Does he know that?” Axel asked. Zexion nodded.

“He does. When I got my bachelor’s he asked if we could get married. We both knew I was getting my Master’s, and I told him I wanted to be done with school. And he understood.” He smiled to himself, softening the upset look on his face. “Doesn’t stop him from asking me all the time though. He’s such a pest in that way.”

Axel chuckled. “I believe it. But Zexion, if Demyx knows you want to wait, and he’s actually waiting, why are you worried?”

Zexion shrugged. “I don’t know, part of me doesn’t  _ really _ think he’ll break up with me. But,” he paused and looked down. “What if he gets fed up? Or what if he finds someone who can give him what he wants more than I can?”

Zexion sounded so desolate and small that it made Axel’s heart ache. Even more so while he watched his friend sit, shoulders slumped and head bowed. He looked pitiful.

But Axel just  _ knew _ that there was no way in hell that Demyx would ever want to leave Zexion. Axel has so much proof it’s ridiculous - how Zexion is the first person Demyx goes to when they finish a set, or how Zexion will grab Demyx’s favorite drink and have it at the ready. The moments they share together, whether in a crowd or off alone at a party.

Axel can visibly see the support that they give each other, but even more so the support they give  _ for _ each other. Zexion is at every single show or performance that Demyx and the band put on. Even on the nights that he has research to do or papers to write and theories to theorize. Axel believes that Zexion would rather be run down and sick and tired than miss any of his deadlines or miss a chance to be there for Demyx.

And while Zexion is the band’s number one fan, Demyx is Zexion’s number one fan. He is  _ so _ over-the-moon in love. And he lets everyone know about it. Axel will hear Demyx brag about Zexion’s papers published in academic journals, or the research that will someday go onto save lives (in Demyx’s belief that is.) He will always be on a food run or coffee run, bringing sustenance to the library or campus or to their apartment - wherever Zexion has hunkered down to do his work, Demyx has made sure that his love will not go hungry nor thirsty.

Axel knows all of this, not just by what Saïx has told him, but even just watching Demyx and Zexion. Axel sees a love that doesn’t need to be proved or explained to anyone.

It’s a love that would make anyone happy and envious at the same time. 

So how can Axel explain it to Zexion, who at the moment looks like an old cat left out in the freezing rain?

“Listen, just think about it this way.” Axel started in a soft voice. “I know you and Demyx are in love, but you are allowed to have your own dreams and follow them too.”

Zexion looked up and gave Axel a small frown, his eyes drooping and his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“You should not have to compromise your dreams and aspirations for someone else - in this case, you want to get your Master’s. That’s a pretty big deal to you, yeah?”

Zexion nodded, still looking a bit dazed but not as depressed anymore.

Axel nodded in agreement (ignoring how weird it looked for Zexion to look  _ confused _ , of all people.) “Right, and someone who will truly love you and support you will respect that. And we all know that Demyx is that person. You guys have been dating for what, two years?”

“Five years.” Zexion corrected in a quiet voice.

“Five years?! Shit, that’s a long time. And you’ve been able to put up with him for that long?” Zexion’s mouth thinned into a small smile, which encouraged Axel to continue. “You and Demyx have been together for five years, and he’s still supportive in your dream. And I know you have been supportive of the band and his dream. And as long as you both continue to support each other, then you guys will be solid.” Axel paused, letting Zexion take it all in before adding on. “And don’t think that you don’t have any friends, I’m your friend. And so is Saïx.”

Zexion was staring at Axel, no longer looking downcast but surprised.

“What?” Axel asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Did he reveal too much? Put too much out on the line and now Zexion was going to shove it all back in his face?

“Nothing.” Zexion replied. His voice sounded more of normal self, but there was a hint of amusement in it. “You’re right. But I just feel better hearing it from you.”

It was Axel’s turn to feel confused. “Why? Has someone else told you this before?”

Zexion shrugged. “It just does. And I’m just glad that you have the set of...morals that you do.”

Even more confused, Axel opened his mouth to ask what the hell Zexion was going on about, but Demyx and Saïx returned to the chairs.

They didn’t stay for long, all agreeing that Marluxia and Larxene left together and it was about time they all went home. Outside the bar the four friends bid each other goodnight, and Axel watched as Demyx pulled Zexion close to him and lead him home.

“Has Zexion ever talked to you about him and Demyx?” Axel asked as he loitered on the sidewalk with Saïx.

“No, I hear more of it from Demyx.” Saïx replied, sounding tired. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Why, did you talk to Zexion?”

Axel hummed, still watching Demyx and Zexion. “Yeah, but it was nothing.” 

It was a weird night, Axel decided as he bid his best friend good night. It was probably the most time he’d spent with Zexion, and he barely had any time to spend with Saïx or think about how adorable he looked.

As Axel returned home and walked into his room, he felt his phone buzz from incoming messages. He pulled it out and found four were from Demyx, and one from Saïx.

_ Saïx _ :

_ You better let me know when you get home, if you get mugged or murdered I’ll be pissed _ .

Axel chucked and sent off a quick message reassuring his friend. After it was delivered he opened the messages from Demyx.

_ Demyx: _

_ dude _

_ i don’t know what you and Zexy talked about but we just had THE BEST sex ever _

_ he liked, slapped me when we got home but then he kissed me. it was WILD _

_ plz have a similar convo next time :P _

“Good lord,” Axel muttered before silencing his phone. He crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head, trying not to think about Demyx and Zexion having sex. And he definitely tried not to think about being in a similar situation with Saïx.

But he was only human.

~~~

_ I just think you should think about your life and where you want to be in five years _ .

Axel stormed down the sidewalk, not giving a fuck if he was bumping into anyone.

_ Is this where you really want to be? Here in Twilight Town? _

He snarled at a woman walking her dog, and he could’ve sworn he saw the dog cower away with his tail between his legs.

_ Do you even have any goals, Axel? _

Upon reaching his destination, Axel yanked the door open and marched inside. He flopped into his booth, scowling. The blue-haired occupant across from him didn’t look away from his laminated menu.

“Someone’s panties are in a twist.”

“Not now.” Axel was curt. He lost some of his edge talking to Saïx but he was bitter and mad. 

His short response brought Saïx out from behind his menu, and there must’ve been something in his face to make Saïx re-prioritize his food.

“What’s going on?” He asked in a calm voice.

Axel brooded and looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You need to talk about it.” Saïx urged.

“Why?” Axel sulked. 

“Because you look marginally more upset than when I tease you about your hair.”

Axel didn’t laugh at his friend’s attempt at cheering him up. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t find the energy to lift the corners of his mouth.

_ Great _ , the anger has slowly morphed into sadness, and Axel was helpless to stop. He was a conductor on the sadness train that was heading towards Depression Mountain at high speed.

_ Stop caring, you idiot _ , Axel chastised himself. But the simple words didn’t do much to make him feel any less angry or upset.

“Hey.” The incredibly soft voice made Axel face his friend, and even now he was still slightly caught off-guard by how kind and beautiful he looked.

“You can talk to me, if you want.” 

Axel wanted to believe him, so he did.

“Aerith told me that I didn’t have my shit together and that I’m going nowhere in life.”

Saïx narrowed his eyes and gave Axel a look. “No she didn’t.”

“Yes she did!” When Saïx’s face didn’t give, Axel sighed. “Fine. She said she was ‘worried’ about me and how I wasn’t finding a job and how I can’t babysit Roxas forever.” Being able to tell the story brought some life to Axel and he even managed to put air marks around the word “worried.” They were pathetic air marks but still.

“Okay,” Saïx replied cautiously. “So why are you so upset? Are you actually insulted?”

“No, that’s not it.” Axel paused, feeling his mood dampen. “Maybe I am, I don’t know.”

“Why do you feel insulted? Did she say you can’t babysit Roxas anymore?”

“No, she still wants me to.”

“Well that’s good, right?”

Axel shrugged, not meeting Saïx’s eyes. He knew he was being difficult, but he couldn’t help it. Part of him didn’t want to talk about it anymore. But on the other hand, Axel doesn’t know who else he could go to for help. Or who else he’d trust with his problems.

Anytime Axel showed any sign of vulnerability or openess, he was immediately shut down. By people who either didn’t care to hear about the problems of the son of a famous rockstar, or by the actually rockstar himself who wouldn’t give Axel the time of day. So it was long ago that Axel learned to keep everything close and not let people know how hurt he felt.

It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t tell people  _ anything _ . If he was dissatisfied with someone or something Axel didn’t keep that quiet. He just kept the important thoughts to himself. Like his feelings and fears and aspirations.

Axel wasn’t going to bombard Saïx with his problems. His friend deserved much more than that.

Although, Saïx  _ did _ mention that Axel could talk to him about it. And he did seem sincere and genuine. 

“I don’t need her worrying about me.” Axel eventually muttered, after a long and intense internal battle. He said it so low that he couldn’t imagine Saïx would hear him. Part of Axel hoped that he didn’t.

“What?” Saïx asked.

Dammit, now Axel was stuck. He took him a deep breath. “Why does she feel the need to worry about me?” He asked, already having his answer laid out in his head.

_ Because she’s nosy.  _

“Probably because she cares about you.”

Axel snorted. He met Saïx’s concerned eyes with a hard gaze. “That’s bullshit.”

Saïx tilted his head to the side. “I don’t think so. I think she genuinely cares about you. From what I gathered from you, and from Xion through Roxas, I think Aerith is kind and thoughtful. But she can be firm and direct.”

 “Yeah, you have to take anything from Roxas with a grain of salt.” Axel replied with a roll of his eyes. “I love the kid, but he’ll love anyone who will give him ice cream and attention. You know he’d be perfect for anyone who's looking to kidnap a child - just pick Roxas.”

“That’s not funny.” Saïx said in a disapproving tone.

“Yeah yeah, you’re right,” Axel replied thoughtfully. “Luxord and Aerith would definitely turn the whole town upside down if Roxas went missing.”

“Do I detect a hint of jealousy?” Saïx asked, speaking with a taunting lilt.

Axel scowled. “Abso-fucking-lutely no.”

Saïx pursed his lips, but didn’t pursue the subject. Axel looked away, embarrassed. He didn’t mean to swear at Saïx in a very no-nonsense way. It was impulsive, to hide his fear of being discovered as a weak and pathetic human with anger and sarcasm.

“Well they would do the same.” Saïx continued, perusing through his menu again. Axel could see Saïx carefully looking over each option out of the corner of his eye, knowing full well that he would settle on the turkey club with chips. “If you were to go missing, they’d do anything to find you.”

That statement, full of logic and reasoning that was total crap, actually made Axel laugh out loud. “I know for a  _ fact _ that they wouldn’t. I’m not the  _ golden boy _ or the  _ precious baby angel _ .”

“But you’re their son,” Saïx argued, still reading the menu. 

“Not by their choice.”

“Just because Aerith isn’t your birth mom doesn’t mean she can’t be your mom.”

The casualness of what Saïx just said, paired with him still looking down at his menu made a bolt of anger shoot through Axel.

“She’s not my mom,” Axel snarled, all common sense and sense to hold back gone. “And she’ll never be my mom.”

An uncomfortable silence settled upon them. Saïx was still looking at the menu, but Axel could see his posture tense and his eyes were no longer moving across the page. 

Axel felt his heart beat, faster than ever before. His hands were shaking from the sudden anger and adrenaline, so he held them in his lap under the table. There was the loudest  _ THUD THUD THUD _ in his ears, and he felt the tell-tale sign of tears pricking at his eyes.

It was at that moment when the waitress sauntered up to the table and asked how their evening was going.

Axel almost laughed out loud but covered it with a cough before looking away. He was going to ask for a few more minutes, or give the waitress a dazzling smile before asking about the specials. And he knew that Saïx would roll his eyes and shake his head, either on his own or in commiseration with the waitress.

But Axel’s throat was very dry and his eyes very wet, and he couldn’t do anything but look away and ground his teeth.

Saïx was speaking quietly to the waitress, pulling the attention away from Axel. It gave him enough time to will his tears to remain in his eyes and take a deep breath without looking like he was taking a deep breath. When he turned back the waitress was gone and Saïx was giving Axel a look.

Axel’s brain couldn’t immediately describe the look. It held a weird mixture of embarrassment, confusion and coolness, but overall tinged with a sort of melancholiness that made Axel’s heart hurt a bit.

“I am sorry Axel. I didn’t mean that she would replace your mom at all. I shouldn’t have been so careless with my words. Please forgive me.”

Axel wanted to give a witty reply, one that would make Saïx give an equally sarcastic response and they would banter together over the sticky tabletop.

Or at least he wanted to tell Saïx that he’s sorry for snapping back so harshly and he knows that Saïx is just trying to help and Axel’s the one who’s being unhelpful and uncooperative and generally just a waste of space.

But all he did was open his mouth and close it again when his throat refused to work again.

Saïx, either being completely oblivious or incredibly kind, sat patiently and gazed out the window. It gave Axel the time again to relax and compose himself. And when he finally did he looked back to Axel and opened up.

“When my mom died, my dad sent me off to boarding school. And I barely saw him after - he’d tried to come into town for my birthday or holidays, but it slowed to the point where I’d be lucky if I got a phone call. And when he and Aerith married, I was still sent away. It took me ages to get that they just didn’t care about me.”

Saïx was silent, sitting unmoving like a statue.

“So now you say, and probably what everyone says, is that it’s because she just  _ cares _ . But she gave up the right to care about me. They made that choice when they shut me out of the family.” Axel looked down at the table, smiling bitterly. “And I can’t even blame them - I was a menace, a terror. Hell I wouldn’t want a kid as awful and screwed up as I was.”

“Hey,” Saïx interjected softly. “You weren’t screwed up as a child.”

Axel rolled his eyes. “Well I was the only one in school who didn’t have anyone come and visit me for the holidays and my birthdays. So  _ of course _ I was going to be the outcast. And once I was prodded and harrassed and the other kids found out who my dad was, then I wasn’t even a person to them anymore. I was just their connection to someone famous and cool.”

“Those kids were idiots.” Saïx replied immediately. “All kids are idiots.”

Axel huffed a small laugh. “Yeah, I agree.” He paused, not sure if he even wanted to continue. But Saïx was looking to him with a mixture of kindness and sadness, and weirdly enough it emboldened Axel to continue.

“I’m not stupid, I know my father doesn’t care for me at all.” Axel said. “But it was confusing to me - I wasn’t sure what I did to make him hate me. He probably blames me for mom’s death. I can’t even blame him, because I know I do.”

“Oh no,” Saïx said in a stricken voice. “Oh Axel, please don’t say that. Please tell me you don’t really think that.”

Axel shrugged. “I understand, logically, that I am not directly responsible for her dying. I mean, she was sick. But it was something that just kind of stuck with me - a reason why my dad didn’t come see me or why everyone treated me the way they did. So it was my reasoning, and I’ve just kind of stuck with it.”

Saïx just stared at Axel. His eyes were full of sorrow and he looked downright miserable.

“Axel, god that is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.” He finally said.

Axel gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood.”

“No, god don’t apologize. Please,” Saïx bit his lip and looked out the window, genuinely looking upset.

Axel felt his brows furrowed with concern. “Saïx, look at me.” Saïx turned back, meeting Axel’s gaze. “It’s alright, I’ve dealt with these thoughts for ages. I have other, more pressing things to worry about in my life.

Saïx sighed but nods. “Okay, okay I’m sorry. But man.” He paused, shaking his head. “That’s probably the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.” He paused again and shook his head. “Okay, let’s move on. So...fuck what were we talking about?”

Axel gave his friend a smirk. “My pathetic life and Aerith kicking me out of the house.”

Saïx frowned at Axel. “Aerith isn’t going to kick you out of her house. She still wants you babysitting for her right?”

“Yeah, if I want to. Which I do.”

“Okay, and now she says she’s worried about you. But you don’t think that she needs to.”  

Axel nodded. “Yeah, she doesn’t deserve to care about me.”

“But that’s not really your choice, is it?” Saïx countered. “You don’t get to decide how people feel, either good or bad. God knows I’ve pissed off so many people but I just ignore it and move on.”

Huh. That’s actually a good point.

Axel didn’t say anything, mulling over Saïx’s words. It made sense to Axel on one level, and yet...he was still troubled.

Aerith’s words come back to him, as clear as day. The concern (clearly fake in Axel’s opinion) and her anxious prodding and questioning. How uncomfortable the questions made him, and how defensive he got with her.

“I guess that’s a good point.” He eventually replied. “But why is it so hard for me  _ not _ to care? I’ve definitely pissed off a lot of people in life too, and I don’t give two fucks about them.”

“Well, it could be because you care about what Aerith thinks of you.” Saïx replied with a sly smile.

Axel felt his face harden. “I do not care about her.”

Saïx nods. “You shouldn’t. You need to think about  _ you _ and care about what’s best for  _ you _ . Maybe you do want to sit down and write out a plan, maybe you don’t.” Saïx shrugged. “I think it’s a good idea to, and if that’s something you really want to do we’ll sit down together and we can figure it out.”

“We?”

“Of course. You’re completely helpless. I’ll have to help you.”

“Watch the hands, plates coming in.”

Axel and Saïx jumped as the waitress brought plates of food to their table. With another jolt Axel realized that Saïx had reached across the table to hold his hand. He met Saïx’s gaze and they pulled their hands away quickly.

“Can I get you boys anything else?”

“N-no we’re all set for now.” Saïx got out, and Axel could spot a furious blush rising on his face. 

He was sure he was wearing a matching one himself.

“Alright, let me know if you need anything else.”

Axel nodded as the waitress walked away, leaving another silence at the table. Axel hadn’t even realized that Saïx held his hand at some point - was it when he was talking about his mom? Or did Axel reach out and comfort Saïx?

With another jolt, Axel realized he was looking down at a delicious grilled cheese sandwich with a side of fresh french fries - his favorite.

“Wait, I didn’t order this.” Axel pointed to the plate.

Saïx, who was already working on his turkey club sandwich, turned another shade of red and nodded. “Yeah, I ordered for you. I uh, hope you like it.”

It was one thing to see Saïx get embarrassed when he wasn’t drinking - to see the normally cool and composed look on his face gets twisted into something more shy and sheepish. But it was another to see Saïx get embarrassed  _ twice _ , and stutter over his own words.

There was a lot that Axel had to work out - what he was actually doing with his life, what kind of job and life he wanted for himself, problems with his family, problems with society and dozens more. There was a lot of situations that he’d have to be ready to deal with, and at the moment if he had to go through those problems he’d either quit or it’d be a struggle. But right now, sitting at the diner across from Saïx, who was wearing a bashful look on his face and trying to hide behind his sandwich and being to most adorable and incredible human, Axel didn’t care about any of his problems. He only held utter love and loyalty in his heart for his best friend.

“Of course I’ll like it.” He replied back in a happy voice. He gave Saïx a huge grin, which was met with another shy smile. “Grilled cheese is my favorite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the next chapter! Thanks to all who have read and left kudos. :) See you next Sunday!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see CHAPTER WARNING at the bottom

“Okay Axel, you sink this and you guys win.”

Axel nodded and analyzed the cups in front of him. Only one red cup remained, standing alone in the middle of the table. He and Saïx have been dominating the beer pong table, currently vying for first place in the tournament the house was hosting. They had defeated lesser-skilled teams left and right, but their current competitors, a man with huge muscles and brown hair and a woman with a short blue hair, were giving Axel and Saïx a run for their money.

Axel quickly learned that Saïx was  _ very _ good at beer pong. He didn’t have to do much more than stand back and ride the wave of Saïx’s victories.

But right now, Axel focused on the cup in front of him, took a deep breath and let the ball soar from his hands. It flew across the table in a graceful arc, before landing smack-dab in the middle of the cup.

Saïx cheered loudly and threw an arm around Axel’s shoulders, pulling him close. Axel grinned and wrapped his own arm around Saïx’s waist, joining in on the celebrations.

“We’re the champs! Hell yeah, we’re the champs!” Saïx crooned loudly, fist pumping hard into the sky. All sense of decency was lost amidst his celebrations. “We’re the best! Fuck everyone! Fuck you, fuck you, and  _ fuuuuuuuck  _ you!” He went around pointing at everyone who had lost to them, saving the last for the 2nd place losers. The guy with brown hair just scowled in their direction, while the girl with short blue hair just shook her head and walked away.

Axel just grinned and celebrated with Saïx, soaking up his euphoria and happiness. 

And happy is what Saïx has been. Axel has seen a clear distinction in the Saïx he met many months ago to the Saïx he knew now. He’s been smiling and laughing, and it’s infectious. To Axel, he’s still a sarcastic know-it-all asshole, but there’s more mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

It makes Axel feel like he’s riding a high himself.

Nothing can knock him down. He and Aerith sat down and cleared the air (Nothing really changed in that relationship, although Axel gets the feeling that Aerith is watching him when they have meals together. It’s a bit unsettling, but for the most part Axel shrugs it off) and he and Saïx finally sat down and worked out a life plan for Axel.

It was a struggle for Axel, mainly because he would get bored two minutes in and would try to wander off. But Saïx kept him close and eventually kept him on task. Axel decided that he did want to finish school but he wasn’t too keen on his business degree. After some careful questioning and re-wording on Saïx’s part Axel wanted to have a career in stage management. He really  _ really _ would love it if there was a show out there that required the use of fire and fireworks, but Saïx reckons that Axel needs to start somewhere.

It was maybe an hour into the conversation that Axel realized that he’s never talked about a life plan with another person. Guidance counselors and advisors at school were not helpful in the slightest, only telling him what he should do. And there were so many people he’d met that wanted him to do something just because of his dad, that Axel decided to do the exact opposite. But never had Axel sit and really thought about what he  _ wanted _ . 

It was a bit scary, having to open up and be honest with himself. And maybe that’s why he was so resistant to working it out. But Saïx was patient and kind, and not once did he question Axel’s decisions or try to lead him away. Of course Axel knew that Saïx wasn’t going to do that, but it’s one thing to know it’ll happen and another to actually see it happen.

So now Axel had some semblance of a plan in place. And for the first time it was a plan that he was excited about - he’s been using his free time he had to look into what he needed to finish his degree, or where he could get his pyrotechnics’ certification.

In the meantime, he and Saïx still went everywhere together and usually got ridiculously drunk together. 

“Congratulations!” A girl came up and handed shots of clear liquid to the boys. “Our reigning champs have been knocked from their pedestal and replaced with new blood! Here’s to you!”

Everyone in the vicinity cheered and toasted to Saïx and Axel. Both grinned at each other and tossed their shots back. It burned Axel’s throat and he had to hold back a cough, but he still smiled through the pain.

“Good lord,” Saïx croaked. “That is potent. What the hell is this?”

“Your prize.” The girl placed a bottle into Saïx’s hands. “This is old man Merlin’s finest of spirits. Just take it easy when you partake.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Saïx replied with a grin.

The girl returned the smile with one just as mischievous. “Maybe you can save a shot for me later?” She took a step closer to Saïx, nearly blocking Axel off. Axel could see the inviting pout on her face, and the shift in her posture to maker her offer much more enticing.

Axel felt his hackles rise and wanted to bare his teeth. But before he could say a word, Saïx sighed and shook his head.

“Sorry but I’ll be sharing this with my beer pong partner, and I can guarantee that there won’t be any left for anyone else.” Saïx gave the girl a cheeky smile and walked away. Axel followed, glancing over his shoulder. The girl had a disbelieving look on her face. He couldn’t help but send a smirk in her direction, making her  _ snarl _ .

Axel chortled, but he quickly chastised himself. He really shouldn’t have been that mean, and he definitely shouldn’t have gotten so defensive and wound up. Saïx  _ still _ wasn’t his boyfriend, and it wasn’t fair to have those thoughts about his best friend.

However, there has been a shift in their relationship. They’re still friends, if not the best of friends. But they have definitely gotten more comfortable with each other. They hug when they say goodbye, Saïx will ruffle Axel’s hair when he’s being extra rambunctious and touch his shoulder when he wants Axel’s attention, and Axel will sometimes catch Saïx gazing at him with a little smile. Axel calls him out on it constantly, but Saïx always denies he was looking and tells Axel he’s too full of himself.

Every time it happens, or at every touch they share, a jolt of excitement shoots through Axel, and he feels like he’s the glowing sun. Something has changed between them, and he can’t help but hopefully think that there could  _ possibly  _ be something more than friendship going on between them.

And he’s not the only one who thinks so.

Axel has yet to give an answer to everyone who has said something to him. From Roxas asking him straight up at the park to Demyx and Larxene sharing snide remarks loud enough for Axel to hear, he hasn’t been able to come up with an answer that would truthfully convey what is going on between him and Saïx.

So yeah, Axel shouldn’t have sent a victorious smile over his shoulder to the skank who was coming onto Saïx. But he couldn’t help it - Axel wasn’t going to let some drunk slut come onto the person that  _ he _ should be dating.

And he’s drunk, so whatever.

Axel and Saïx finally make their way over to Larxene and Marluxia, who were both standing by the door getting their jackets on.

“We’re leaving.” Larxene announces when they get close. “This party was a complete bust, there was no one worthy enough to take home.” She pauses and glances towards Marluxia. “Present company excluded.”

Axel snorted. “What, when you strike out you take what you can get from Marluxia?”

“I don’t expect you to understand the agreement that we have,” Larxene replied. “Plus, I’d rather get something than dance around and not make a move for months.” She gave both Axel and Saïx a very pointed look, before turning her nose up at the pair and walked away. Axel felt his cheeks heats up, and he looked to Saïx to see that he too was blushing furiously.

Marluxia nodded to both of them, with the faintest smirk on his face as he left. It did nothing more than make Axel blush even harder.

Now he and Saïx stood at the door, awkwardly attempting to hide their embarrassment. 

“Um,” Axel eventually said. “We should head out. I don’t think anyone else we know is here.”

Saïx nodded. “Yeah, Demyx and Zexion left after the show and clearly Larxene and Marluxia just left.” Mentioning Larxene and Marluxia made Saïx blush again and he looked away and walked out the front door. Axel followed, trying hard to ignore the mental image of Larxene and Marluxia together.

When they reached his car, Axel stopped abruptly. Saïx noticed and paused. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s no way I can drive home.” Axel replied. He groaned to himself. “Fuck, I got way too drunk tonight.”

“Ahhh, yeah that’s a problem.” Saïx said, scratching his head. “Well, you can stay at my place. I walked here so it’s close enough.”

“Oh.” Axel replied. “Are you sure?”

Saïx rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure.” He turned and walked up the sidewalk, leaving a very apprehensive Axel by his car.

Speaking of their relationship changing... 

Axel shook his head and hurried to catch up, trying to tone down the intense debate going on in his head between the lust-heavy idiot in his head versus the logical one.

It’s not like Axel didn’t want to go over to Saïx’s apartment. On the contrary, he was very much looking forward to it. The  _ slight _ problem he had was the...implications it brought. 

God, why did he have to think implications? Even the word itself made Axel want to cringe.

Axel shook his head - this wasn’t a big deal. They were just going back to his apartment to sleep. That’s all. 

Who was he kidding? This was a big deal - for a lot of reasons. 

Number one - they were both very drunk. Two, he and Saïx had been doing their weird, flirtatious dance for awhile, and it’s been culminating into this weird, flirtatious dance. And three, and probably most important to Axel, he really really  _ really _ likes Saïx. He’d love nothing more than to hold him close and kiss the bejesus out of his. 

But what would that do to their friendship? Saïx is the first person that Axel has been able to call a real friend. And he’s introduced Axel to many other people that even if he’s not super close with they’re better than any of Axel’s old “friends.” Is it worth jeopardizing the relationship he has now with Saïx to maybe get some companionship and possible romantic relationship with someone that Axel’s 99% sure he’s in love with?

_ Fuck, what?! _ Axel did  _ not _ approve of that line of thinking.

Did he really love Saïx?

_ Well, let’s think about it _ -

“And we’re here.” Saïx’s voice brought Axel from his shocking thoughts. They were standing in front of a brick building with black-framed windows and a black front door. Axel took a glance around and noticed that they were in a relatively nice neighborhood that had clean sidewalks and flowers spilling out of window planters.

Axel also noticed that the building was not far from his house.

“Wait, you live pretty close to me.” Axel noted as he and Saïx trotted up the stairs.

“Yeah?” Saïx typed into the keypad by the door, which quickly clicked open. “What street do you live on?”

“Wisteria Way”

Saïx snorted over his shoulder and made his way towards the steps. “Oh, you mean Snob Street?”

Axel opened his mouth to retort, but then he thought better of it. He  _ did  _ think his father’s house was ostentatious. And his father was a snob.

“Fair point.” Axel replied. Saïx giggled over his shoulder, making him stumble on the steps.

“Careful!” Axel jumped up to try to help, but Saïx was able to catch himself.

Plus all Axel got was a face full of ass. Which he wasn’t really complaining, but still.

“C’mon, I’m all the way at the top.” Saïx jogged up the stairs, undaunted by nearly falling flat on his face. Axel shook his head to clear his thoughts and quickly followed.

When they reached the top landing there was only one black door. A silver plaque with the number was displayed on the front. Saïx had his keys and was attempting to fit them in the lock, clearly struggling.

“What, are you still that drunk?” Axel snorted as he grabbed the keys from his friend.

“No, but running up the stairs didn’t do much for my head.” Saïx replied, a tired tone in his voice.

“Okay, let’s get you inside then.” Axel unlocked and pushed open the door, ushering his friend inside. Saïx switched on a light, bathing the apartment in a soft, warm glow. The first thing Axel noticed was the large windows overlooking the street and beyond. Taking in more of the room, Axel saw the same brick wall from the outside, which housed vintage photos blown up and placed in black frames. There were dark hardwood floors, almost outshined by the bright cushions on the sagging couch and the multi-colored stitched rug. Low coffee tables held photography books and green plants, and a bookshelf held a variety of other books and photo frames. 

Axel wondered where the mini buddha figurine would be, but he found one tucked away on one of the bookshelves. 

“Your place is great,” Axel complimented as he followed Saïx to the tiny kitchen. Only a fridge, stove and short counter were pushed against the wall. Cupboards lined the wall above the stove and counter, and vintage pots and containers were stacked in no real order, but their bright colors matched the boho charm the entire apartment had.

“Thanks.” Saïx replied. “Do you want some water or anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Axel meandered his way to the shelf with all the photos. He instantly spotted Xion, who was almost present in each photo. Some had two other adults that Axel assumed to be Saïx’s parents. A few other photos had Demyx, Larxene, Marluxia and Zexion, but only a few group shots. Their locations unknown to Axel, but everyone in the photos had happy and cheerful smiles. Well, except for Marluxia’s cold stare - even through the photo it creeped Axel out.

Axel also noticed that the shelf was sparse of frames, and seemed to have a few gaping holes that had yet to be replaced. He was almost curious enough to ask but he heard Saïx return from the kitchen. Axel turned in time to see his friend flop onto the couch with a water bottle in his hand.

“Uhhhh, my head.” Saïx groaned as he covered his eyes with his arm. “Why did I drink so much?”

“You were adamant.” Axel replied with a smile. “We weren’t playing regular beer pong, but you insisted on finishing your drink every time the other team got a cup.” Axel rounded the coffee table and joined Saïx on the couch. “You have no one to blame but yourself.”

“You’re not helping.” Saïx muttered coldly.

“Hey, just think about how much worse it’s gonna be tomorrow.”

“Axel, shut the hell up.”

Axel chuckled and leaned back. The couch was old and Axel easily sunk into the cushions. His back would regret it tomorrow, but for now Axel was tired enough that he felt like he was floating on clouds.

The flick of a lighter caught his attention and Axel turned his head to see Saïx light a joint.

“Oh man, you were totally reading my mind.” Axel said gleefully. Saïx took a long drag before passing it over. It took one hit for Axel’s brain to go to slo-mo and he settled further into the couch.

They sat in silence, passing the joint between each other. All the nerves and unreasonable thoughts Axel had about coming over easily evaporated. This is all they would do - just sit and smoke and eventually pass out. They didn’t need to do much more. Axel wasn’t going to hope for more, not when this right now was close to nirvana for him.

“God, this is the life.” Axel commented after letting the smoke out of his lungs. “I wish I had my own apartment.”

“It’s not all that great.” Saïx countered in a low voice. “I have to pay the rent and insurance and shit, and it’s expensive.”

“Yeah, but you have a real job.” Axel took another drag. “And you’re not living with your sister and stepmom.”

“I wouldn’t call my job at the library a ‘real job.’” Saïx used appropriate air quotes before reaching for the joint. “And it’s not like I wanted to be here right now. My plan didn’t include  _ any _ of this.” He gestured around the room, the smoke from the joint leaving a trail in the air.

“Okay then Mr. Debbie Downer, then  _ what _ was your plan?” 

Saïx paused, taking a long hit. He was looking straight ahead, and exhaled sharply. “I don’t know,” he eventually settled on, turning in on himself.

Axel tilted his head in confusion. It seemed like Saïx was building himself up but just deflated. “You’re not making much sense right now.”

Saïx glanced over and shook his head. “It’s nothing. It’s in the past, so there’s no use in talking about it now.”

Saïx’s low voice remained low but changed to something harder. Almost remorseful, but more regretful and bitter. It left Axel feeling unsettled, and he couldn’t  _ not _ ask Saïx about it more.

“There’s nothing wrong with talking about the past. We learn a lot through our actions, especially from the mistakes we’ve made.” 

Saïx sat up, still not looking at Axel. His shoulders were hunched, and he was pulling in on himself. Axel’s honestly not sure if Saïx was even aware of the motion, but seeing him look so small tugged on Axel’s heart.

“You can talk to me.” Axel added in a soft voice. “I can’t guarantee how much help I’ll be, but I’ve been told I’m an awful good listener.”

Saïx huffed. “By who? You interrupt me all the time.” But he was smiling, which in turn made Axel smile.

“I mean, I guess you’re right. But I can give the whole ‘listening’ thing a good shot now. If you want.”

Saïx didn’t reply, still looking forward. The joint was held loosely in his hand, almost forgotten. Axel sat in silence, worried that he had crossed some line and that Saïx wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

But on the other hand Axel wasn’t worried, knowing that this was the right move. Just keeping the invitation open, for whenever Saïx was ready to talk. Maybe it was from knowing that Axel could be there for Saïx, no matter what. Or maybe it was just from knowing that this was what Axel needed many weeks ago - just a friend to sit and be there for him.

“I don’t...even know where to begin.” Saïx eventually got out.

“The beginning is usually a good place to start.” Axel replied encouragingly. 

Saïx rolled his eyes towards Axel but nodded. “I mean you’re right” He sighed and was silent. Axel sat, waiting patiently for Saïx to begin.

“If I had my way, right now I would be part of the growing business of Thirteen Beans. You know the coffee shops that are sprouting up all over the city.”

“Hmm, Thirteen Beans.” Axel pondered the name in his head. “Wait, is that where Demyx and them work? Where I took Roxas to get a milkshake one day?”

Saïx nodded. “Yeah, it’s where I used to work.”

“Really?” Axel asked, surprised.

“What happened to this ‘no interrupting’ thing?” Saïx asked in a cross voice.

“Oh shit, sorry.” Axel ducked his head. “But I thought you hated coffee shops?”

Saïx gave him a look. “Yeah, there might be a reason for it  _ now _ . If I could at least explain it.” The last sentence was muttered, and Axel felt the agitation directed towards him.

“I’m sorry, here I’ll shut up now.” Axel mimicked locking his lips and tossing his key over his shoulder.

“Yeah, like that’ll stop you.” Saïx muttered again. “But anyway, I used to work at Thirteen Beans - I got the job my freshman year of college. And I loved it. I don’t know, it was just really fun to make the coffees and meet all the different people. Plus it’s where I met Demyx, Larxene and Maruxia.”

“And I was good at what I did. I managed things easily, could handle day-to-day operations without problems, and I lasted longer than most employees there. Xemnas saw my potential, and quickly promoted me to assistant manager.”

“Xemnas?” Axel asked, quickly forgetting his vow of silence. But he didn’t have time to worry about it, because at the mention of Xemnas, Saïx tensed up and went rigid as a board.

“He was the owner of Thirteen Beans,” Saïx said. His voice was stiff, and Axel saw his fists clenched so tight they had to be uncomfortable. “He was a visionary - he always came into the shop sprouting his ideas and his motivations and all this nonsense. He’d look insane to someone, because one minute he’d be waxing poetic about the coffee beans he imports from across the world, and the next he’d be breathing down your neck as you steam the milk. He micromanaged so hard it was nearly impossible to get anything done. And yet he thought so big people surely thought he was crazy.

“And yet, I respected him.” Saïx paused and smiled ruefully. “I mean, he had a successful business, and he was running it very well. Yeah, it was a coffee shop but it’s hard for small, local businesses to stay afloat. And he was far from treading water - no he was  _ thriving _ . It wasn’t hard to see, and it wasn’t hard to be impressed.”

“He seems pretty intimidating.” Axel commented. Saïx chuckled.

“Intimidating is code for dickish, right?”

Axel nearly sputtered at Saïx’s response, but Saïx just shook his head. “No, it’s okay. He is dickish. A lot of people couldn’t handle working under him. He’s going to tell you what to do and how to do it. But you just had to let him - for one, it was his business. But he also was making a good amount of money...so yeah he could do whatever he wanted.” Saïx shrugged. “That’s how I saw it anyway.”

Axel hummed. “But you stayed?”

“I did,” Saïx said softly. “I stayed and worked for him for a long time. He promoted me to assistant manager, and that was probably one of the best days of my life. I was given responsibility and trust, and I was just a kid. Of course I was going to be excited. Not to mention that I was still able to work around my school schedule.”

“Didn’t that wear you out?” Axel interrupted, curiosity getting the best of him again.

“Oh god, yeah.” Saïx nodded. “I was so incredibly tired all of the time. But I didn’t care. I was naive and crazy. I think Xemnas liked that - I was willing to do anything for the business.” Saïx stared at the ground, frowning. Axel wasn’t sure if he should say anything, but Saïx shook his head and looked back up.

“Since Xemnas was the acting manager, we worked together on a lot of different things. I was doing shift scheduling, managing employees, ordering stock - meanwhile Xemnas was able to work on expanding the business.

“It was awesome. After the second year of me being the assistant manager, Xemnas told me that we finally pulled in enough profit to promote me to manager. I was ecstatic - I didn’t really know what this would mean but Xemnas assured me I’d get a pay raise.” Saïx laughed again. “Who  _ wouldn’t _ be excited about that?

“We went out to celebrate that night. I remember the bar we went to was a pretty rough place, which was good because they didn’t ID. My 21st birthday was a few months away, but Xemnas bought me all of my drinks. We sat at the bar and drank and talked and laughed. He was sharing his vision with me and of what he wanted to do with his business. 

“The way he talked was enchanting. He was so confident and so driven - at the time I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. To see someone just sound  _ so sure _ ...I couldn’t help but be captivated.” Saïx sighed again and shook his head. “I was such an idiot.”

“No you weren’t.” Axel replied immediately.

Saïx nodded hard. “Yes, I was. I was an idiot because that night I went back to his place and we slept together.”

“Oh.” Axel certainly did not see that coming. When Saïx began his story he assumed that it was just a business venture that went wrong. He did not expect some element of...romance? Sexual passion?

Or maybe something different, and worse?

“Um,” Axel started again. “Was it…” He wasn’t quite sure how to phrase his question, but he was going to be sick if it wasn’t consensual. “I mean, did you want to?”

“Yes, of course.” Saïx instantly replied. “I loved him. Or, I thought I loved him. I just,” Saïx shook his head. “To directly answer your question,  _ yes _ I wanted to be with him. I’m sorry, I’m just getting ahead of myself.”

“Oh okay,” Axel replied, relief seeping into his voice. But only for a moment, because Saïx still looked upset with himself. “Um, do you want to keep going?”

Saïx cleared his throat. “Yeah, sorry. It’s helping, to be honest. Um, talking about it.”

Axel felt the corner of his mouth lift up and his heart thumped with a little satisfaction. “I’m glad.”

Saïx gave Axel a little smile in return before clearing his throat. “So we started dating before I started my senior year of college. A lot of people got pissy because I was promoted and we were dating, but Xemnas threatened to fire anyone who mentioned it.”

“Jeez, what a hard ass.” Axel said under his breath. 

“Yeah, it was a little uncomfortable, I’ll admit it. But at the time, I didn’t care. Xemnas wasn’t coming into the coffee shop that often, and when he did we’d be alone working in his office.”

Axel blanched, not wanting to imagine what actually went on in that office late at night. Not only was he jealous, but there was something not sitting right with this Xemnas character.

Saïx took notice of Axel’s expression and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I won’t even go there.  _ Anyway _ , Xemnas would talk about co-owning the business with me, once I graduated. We had so much planned out - we wanted to get more bands involved in coming to the coffee shops, we were in talks with local vendors to get their products in the stores. Xemnas was even looking at other locations to open the next shop.

“And he kept me in the loop for all of it. Even when I was super busy with school work - if it ever got really bad Xemnas let me do work in the shop. It was sweet, he’d bring me coffee and lunch, and he’d drive me to my classes and the library. I’d usually end up staying at his place, since it was closer to the coffee shop for me. It was further away for my classes, but he’d end up taking me to class and bringing me back. I thought it was really nice and kind.

“When Christmas came, I went away with my family. Every year we go to a resort in the mountains and ski and spend the holiday together. Xemnas knew this, since I’d been going every year. But this time he’d thought he would be able to come along.

“I was surprised - I thought he had the coffee shop to watch, and because I didn’t think we were at that part in our relationship. So I told him he couldn’t come, and I left town with him mad at me.”

“Uh oh,” Axel replied. Saïx nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, it was  _ bad _ . He left me screaming voicemails on my phone, sent me hundreds of texts - he even called during Christmas dinner and just yelled at me over the phone. My parents were not happy at all.

“And I actually felt bad. I felt bad enough to leave my family and go home early. Isn’t that so fucked up?” Saix sighed hard and shook his head. “I was a fucking idiot.”

“Hey,” Axel interrupted gently. “Please don't say that.”

Saix looked at Axel and his face sagged. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop talking about it now.”

“No! That’s not what I mean at all!” Axel placed his hand on Saïx’s thigh and squeezed it. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think you’re an idiot, or that you were an idiot.”

Saïx was looking down at Axel's hand, and for a heart-stopping second Axel thought that he’d for sure crossed the line. But to his immense surprise Saïx placed his hand over Axel’s and held it tight. 

“Thanks Axel,” Saïx replied in a quiet voice. “It’s just hard to look back and not want to kill myself. I mean, things got  _ much _ worse after New Years but it took me months to actually open my eyes and see it.”

“Worse how?” Axel asked. 

“Xemnas would go through my phone, he’d tell me to skip class and stay with him. He’d promise that we’d go over business plans but we never did. I mean, clearly he was just leading me on. But I loved him.”

“And then one day, I noticed that I wasn’t getting much shifts at the coffee shop, which was strange because  _ I _ made the schedule. But I’d go in and see that Xemnas had made a lot of changes. And there were people on the shift board that I didn’t recognize and shifts not even covered - it was weird. There was one name that popped up a bunch, Xigbar. 

“I asked Xemnas about it but he played it off. Told me he wanted me to focus on graduating and studying. I thought it was sweet at the time. And I was relieved, because I had my finals to study for.” Saïx scoffed. “I had completely ignored my classes and work for the entire semester, and I had to ace the finals to just pass my classes and graduate. But even with Xemnas’ “generosity” he still expected me to come in and do my manager duties.”

“Jesus,” Axel breathed. 

Saïx nodded grimly. He withdrew his hand and rubbed at his face tiredly.  “Yeah, so I was already sleep-deprived and stressed about work, then add on my upcoming finals.  _ Then _ add on Xemnas dodging me and being weird around me.”

“Weird how?” Axel asked.

“I don’t know, he got really distant when I tried to talk to him but when I was busy he was always calling and texting me. I told myself that we were just on opposite schedules, and it’d get better after I finished school. But…” He trailed off and bowed his head. Axel watched as Saïx gripped his hands so tightly that his knuckles went white. On instinct he reached across and settled a hand, nearly flinching at their iciness. 

“What happened?” He asked gently.

Saïx shrugged, the movement slightly jostling his and Axel’s hand. “He cheated on me. With Xigbar.” He spat out the name, and Axel felt the anger level in him rise.

“Are you for real?” He asked. 

Saïx nods stiffly. “It was Demyx who caught them, actually. It’s actually kinda funny - Demyx was so mad. It’s been the only time I’ve seen him angry.”

Axel, knowing all too well the pain that came with someone cheating on him, exhaled sharply. “What did you do?” He asked. 

“Well I had to break up with him. I went into the shop, walked straight to the back office and broke up with him. And then I had to quit my job.”

“You quit?” Axel asked. 

Saix shot him an incredulous look. “I couldn’t work there anymore - he cheated on me!”

Axel nodded. “Right right, sorry. I’m just, I don’t know...surprised? Not entirely though,” Axel backtracked as Saix shot him a scathing glare. “I feel bad! You loved the coffee shop!”

Saix nodded and sighed. “I know,” he replied quietly. “It was hard. I loved the place, and I loved Xemnas.” He laughed bitterly. “Xemnas didn’t even care. He just laughed in my face and told me I was banned from stepping foot in any Thirteen Beans for life.”

Saix’s face was smooth and his words were short. He was void of all emotion, and part of Axel was scared to see his friend be so detached. The only indication of emotion coming from Saix was his vice-like grip on Axel’s hand. 

“Is that all?” Axel asked quietly.

Saix scoffed. “Not even close.”

Axel felt his face twist into a frown, which Saix quickly noted. 

“I can stop, I don’t mean to be a bother-“

“No no, please.” Axel interrupts. “I’m just trying to...it’s just…” Axel groaned and wiped his face with his minutely-shaking hand. “I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time hearing about this. But I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to talk about it.”

Saix was rigid but shrugged. “It does help a bit, to talk about it. But for the most part I try to forget about it.” He hesitated. “There’s more - not much but it’s not that great.”

Axel immediately moved closer to Saix on the couch and held Saix’s hand in both of his. “I’m here for you.” He said with conviction. “Whatever you want to say, I’m here.”

Saix nodded and gave Axel a smile. It was small and Axel thought he noticed a faint blush on Saix’s cheek, but it was enough to make Axel silently vow to do anything to see Saix look like that all the time. 

“So, now that I was single and jobless, I was at least able to cram and pass my finals. I graduated with shit grades, no connections, and no plan for what I was doing after.

“Zexion was able to get me my job at the library - it wasn’t nearly what I wanted but I was desperate. I think Demyx pushed for it.”

An ugly thought came to Axel at the mention of Demyx. “Wait a second, doesn’t Demyx and them still work at Thirteen Beans? Even after everything that happened?”

Saïx nodded. “Yeah, they  _ wanted _ to quit but I wouldn’t let them.”

“Why not?”

“Because none of them have a college degree - Demyx barely finished high school. He actually ended up getting his GED because of shit that went on at his school and he had to drop out.” Saïx exhaled and shook his head. “They all have their own apartments, and cars and shit - I wasn’t going to let them quit a job that brought them financial security just for me.”

Axel paused, tilting his head to the side. “I guess I can see that, but isn’t that their decision to make?”

Saïx shrugged. “In the end, yeah. But they knew what I was saying made sense so they listened to me. So they kept their jobs at the shop and I started my new job at the library.

“About a week after I graduated from college I was out with everyone at a bar when Xemnas showed up. I ignored him, and everyone else I was with did but he barged over and acted like nothing was wrong. He wanted to do some shots with Demyx and Larxene and Marluxia - ‘party with his employees’ he put it. I just ignored him but the next thing I remember was him just yelling in my face.

“Larxene and Marluxia tried to pull him away but as soon as I gave Xemnas attention he was better and stopped yelling.”

“Jesus christ.” Axel cursed, shaking his own head. “He’s psychotic.”

Saïx nodded tersely. “He was piss drunk, which wasn’t always a fun thing to deal with. So I told them I would take him home.”

Axel opened his mouth to protest but Saïx cut him off. “Yeah I know, it was a  _ terrible _ idea. But I felt bad for him.” He paused and looked down at the ground. “And I know that I still loved him and wanted to take care of him. Which was really fucking stupid of me because he cheated on me god knows how many times.

“Demyx and Zexion looked about as upset as you do right now. I promised them that I’d come right back. They still didn’t want me to go, and I had to promise to call when I left. Eventually they relented, and I left with Xemnas.

“He was grabbing onto me the whole walk back to his apartment, which luckily was close to the bar we were at. I was helping him stay upright and was just ignoring the swipes at my ass.”

“Disgusting.” Axel spat out under his breath, his blood boiling at the thought.

“When we got back to his apartment he tried to come onto me. He pushed me against a wall and forced himself on me, but I shoved him away. I brought him back and was going to leave. He began crying, begging for me to take him back. I just stood there and listened, until he cried about how I broke his heart and ruined his business.”

Saïx sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know, something in me snapped and I found myself screaming right back - he broke  _ my _ heart and he ruined  _ my _ life. Every decision he made was calculated and it was done in a way to maximize my pain. So I was not going to let him dictate the emotions of our relationship, and I certainly was not going to let him stand there and tell me that our relationship failed because of me.”

Axel nodded ardently, silently cheering on the past Saïx.

“He went silent, so I thought he had enough. I turned away to leave and when I got to the door a book hit me in the back. I was stunned and turned around to yell at him some more but a glass was flying at my face, and I couldn’t say a word before it hit me and shattered.”

Axel gasped, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth.

“The force of the throw sent me reeling back. I was seeing stars, plus my head really fucking hurt. Honestly, it was a miracle that I fell against the door - I was able to find the knob and get myself out. Blood was streaming down my face and into my eyes, but eventually I made it down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. I began to panic, not only from the pain but also because I was scared that Xemnas was going to come back down and beat me some more.

“But I heard people running towards me - it was Zexion and Demyx.” At the mention of his friends’ names Saïx’s voice, which had become clipped and monotone since he spoke of being in Xemnas’ apartment, wavered. “I’m not sure if they followed me back or came later, but I was so grateful to see them. They both looked…” Saïx paused, taking in a shaky breath. He opened his mouth to try again, but just sighed and shook his head.

Axel didn’t need Saïx to describe it - he could picture it quite clearly in his head. Saïx, scared and alone on a dark street with blood running down his face, turning to his best friends who both wore matching expressions of horror. Axel wasn’t there, but he could see it, and it hit him like a brick wall.

There was a steady ringing in Axel’s ears that was slowly getting louder and louder. The slight shaking in his hands became more pronounced and Axel ground his teeth together.

Axel had some inkling that this Xemnas character would pull some stunt like cheating, but he never  _ ever  _ would’ve guessed he’d be violent. Axel wasn’t dumb and knew that shitty people were out in the world, but he maybe hoped that Saïx wouldn’t have had to come close to associating with scum of the Earth like that. Of course no one should have to, but least of all Saïx.

Axel was far from mad, and way beyond furious. What he felt now was real close to the pure, murderous rage that he only briefly experienced when talking to his father. But while that was a small drop of anger then, this he felt now was a hurricane of fury. His heart was pounding loud in his ears, and he had a feverous desire to find the nearest Thirteen Beans coffee shop and burn it to the ground.

Axel heard a sniffle through his murderous haze and turned towards the sound. He saw Saïx hunched forward and clutching his chest, his face twisted in obvious pain. His eyes were closed but that did not stop the tears from leaking out, and his clenched jaw did nothing to hold back the near soundless sobs.

The rage instantly evaporated and Axel felt his chest tighten - it was sudden enough to let a gasp escape past his lips. Axel’s heart was pounding again, but it was from absolute grief at seeing his best friend look so broken and despondent. The tears that pooled in his eyes spilled over and down his face.

“Saïx, I don’t -” Axel can’t even get through his sentence without more tears falling and grief threatening to take over. “I am so sorry, I can’t even begin to imagine how awful that time was for you.”

Saïx sat up and looked at Axel, but one look and Saïx’s face crumpled. He put his face in his hands and burst into tears.

Axel froze, in part because he had never seen Saïx, or anyone for that matter, just completely break down like this. But another part of him just  _ hurt _ \- from his head down to his toes, he just felt utter sorrow and devastation. It made him weary  _ and  _ wary.

But the hesitation passed, and instantly Axel leaned back in and pulled Saïx in by his shoulders. His friend, still sobbing, leaned into the touch and turned towards him.

“I’m sorry,” Saïx hiccuped. “I’m so sorry.”

Axel shook his head and wrapped his arm tighter. “No Saïx, god no. You have nothing to apologize for.” Axel sniffed and was only slightly surprised when his own tears slipped down his cheek. “You are so brave, and I am so  _ so  _ sorry that you had to go through that. But you did nothing wrong.”

Saïx scrunched his face and dissolved into more tears, his shoulders heaving. Axel brought his other hand up to quickly wiped his eyes before fully reaching it across to pull Saïx into a side hug. They sat like that in the dark apartment, Saïx letting loose his pain and suffering while Axel held him. 

It was the very least that Axel could do, and still he felt like it would never be enough to ease the hurt that Saïx had gone through. 

After a while Saïx’s sobs slowly morphed to sniffles and hiccups, and his breathing evened out. Axel pulled back to take a good look at his friend, who had his eyes closed.

“How are you feeling?” As soon as Axel said it he felt like an idiot - what a loaded question.

“Tired.” Saïx hoarsley replied without opening his eyes. 

“Do you want me to take you to your bed?” Axel asked gently. 

Saïx shook his head. “No, I just need to sleep please.”

His tiny request in his hushed whisper made Axel nod vigorously as he searched for a blanket. “I’m going to lay you down for a second, ‘kay?” Saïx gave a small nod and Axel gently laid him down, making sure a pillow would be there for his head. He quickly strode across the living room, grabbing a knit blanket from the armchair by the window. He hurried back, taking extra care to approach Saïx slowly as to not cause alarm. But he didn’t need to worry, seeing how Saïx’s eyes were still closed. 

Axel draped the blanket over his friend, tucking in his feet and pulling it up to his chin. He couldn’t resist stroking Saïx’s hair, but now Axel had a compulsive need to soothe and calm Saïx. Part was to make him feel safe, but another part was to reassure Axel that Saïx was here and OK.

As Saïx’s breathing evened out, Axel removed his hand and made to stand. He wasn’t quite sure where he’d fall asleep but he was confident he could find a few pillows and make a makeshift bed on the ground. But he didn’t get far before a hand reached out and grabbed his.

“Please stay.” Saïx’s voice was quiet with sleep, but it held a sense of distress. It shot right through Axel’s heart and he immediately sat back down.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Axel reassured him. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WARNING: mentions of previous abusive relationship 
> 
> Hahaha, so much for the consistent publishing. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Axel stirred, groaning as he opened his eyes. His fuzzy brain registered that no, he wasn’t in his bed but instead lying on the floor smushed against an old couch, face first. 

Confusion and some mild alarm sped up his brain as he attempted to roll away but his movement was impeded by the body that was lying right against his back. Axel peaked over his shoulder and found Saïx snoring softly. 

Seeing his friend laying on the ground connected the dots for Axel, and his mind went back to the night before and Saïx sharing in his story. Axel winced to himself as he recalled the horrific events that his friend had gone through, and his heart ached at the pain he remembers. 

He looked back down at his friend’s peacefully sleeping face. His heart melted, and while he couldn’t take away what had happened to Saïx, Axel would be damn sure that nothing of the sort would ever happen to him again. If he had his way, Axel would tell Saïx every day how much he means to him.

And he’d be able to look at his beautiful sleeping face every morning. It’s easily one of the cutest things in the world.

Axel managed to roll over, a feat difficult enough on its own, without waking Saïx. Blue strands of hair fell across his face, and Axel fought with himself to either reach across and move them aside or just leave them and to not touch his friend while he’s sleeping. Axel’s a weak man, so he went for the former. His fingers lightly grazed against the scar as he brushed the strands away and carefully tucked them away behind Saïx’s ear. He looked back and found Saïx stirring under the touch, and aquamarine eyes slowly opened.

Axel froze, realizing too late that he was very close to Saïx’s face, and consequently his lips. His face grew red but he didn’t dare more and startle his awakening friend.

Saïx shifted and groaned. His eyes opened a bit more, seemingly adjusting to the bright morning light. He didn’t seem to have noticed Axel’s impulse decision to push his hair out of his face (much to Axel’s relief) but as soon as Saïx craned his neck and took in his surroundings, his face flushed a deep red.

He sat up quickly, nearly bashing his head on the coffee table. But he groaned even louder and clutched his head in his hands. “Oh fuck, my head.”

“Good morning to you too,” Axel replied in a tired voice. But he smiled, knowing all too well that Saïx was feeling the wonderful effects of last night’s alcoholic beverages.

“You are way too cheerful this morning,” Saïx muttered darkly. His eyes were screwed shut and he seemed to be breathing hard through his nose.

Axel chuckled and scooched around so he was leaning against the back of the couch. “Well excuse me for being in a good mood, I slept great last night. I’m getting the sense that you didn’t?”

Saïx lifted his head and glared at his friend. “Royally fuck off, Axel.”

“Not until I get my coffee.” Axel replied in a sugary voice. “Where’s your coffee pot?”

Saïx groaned and tried to lift himself off the floor. “No, I can make it. You’re my guest - ungrateful and obnoxious but still.” He was able to get himself to the couch cushions but collapsed and sunk in, holding his head again with one hand.

Axel smirked. “Yeah, at this rate I’ll be getting my coffee in three hours. Seriously, sit down and just tell me where everything is.”

Saïx glared again but eventually gave in and sunk further into the couch. “Coffee’s in a container right by the pot. Mugs are in the cupboard above. Half and half in the fridge, sugar on the counter if you need it.”

Axel nodded, making his way to the kitchen. He found the necessary supplies and began making coffee. Soon enough the machine was dripping coffee into the pot at a rate much quicker than Saïx so Axel took the quick second to grab a glass of water for his friend.

When he approached the living room he found Saïx still slumped on the couch. Although he was no longer clutching his head his eyes were closed, and he looked absolutely miserable. Axel gently tapped his shoulder and wordlessly handed the glass of water.

“Do you need any advil?” He asked in a quiet voice. Saïx took the glass and grunted.

“I can get it, I should get up anyway.” Saïx heaved himself to his feet with another loud groan, pausing to regain his balance and strength before padding down the hallway.

There was something about his behavior that was slightly worrying Axel. He was definitely hungover and was probably exhausted and sore from sleeping on the floor. But he was barley looking at Axel and wasn’t really saying anything to him. Again Axel could chalk it up to the hangover, but it almost felt like Saïx was closing himself off.

Axel hoped that he didn’t do or say anything last night to make him feel like this. Or worse that Saïx regrets confiding in Axel. It suddenly occurred to Axel that maybe Saïx is  _ embarrassed _ , not of Axel or what he did but what happened to Saïx. He did tell Axel nearly everything about his disastrous last relationship, and him breaking down and crying spoke volumes. So maybe Saïx was thinking that Axel thought...less of him?

The very idea makes Axel want to break down the bathroom door and smush Saïx to his chest and protect from all the bad in the world. Or at least do something to make Saïx relax.

Axel walked down the hallway and found the bathroom. He banged as loud and as hard as he possibly could, making a huge racket.

“ _ Jesus christ!” _ Saïx hissed as he swung the door open. He glared daggers to Axel, who just smiled back.

“Coffee’s ready!” He chimed cheerfully, giving Saïx a huge smile. But his friend just glared and shook his head.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

Axel grinned in response and let his friend lead the way back to the kitchen. But his plan of being an asshole worked, because Saïx didn’t look as tense anymore and he made his own cup of coffee and left Axel to his devices while he walked away from the coffee pot.

Axel laughed and shook his head, taking care of his own coffee. As he was stirring in the sugar, Saïx indicated out the window.

“Do you want to go sit outside? I don’t think it’s supposed to rain until later, and fresh air always helps my hangovers.”

Axel nodded, setting the spoon down. They went back down the hallway and out a side door. It led them to a roof terrace that wrapped around his lonely apartment on the top floor of the building. A few battered lawn chairs were scattered around a metal fire pit, and plants adorned nearly every flat surface save for the ground. Saïx chose a chair that faced out onto the street, with Axel taking the one next to him.

“This is nice,” Axel noted as he sat down. The sky was full of ominous clouds but it was still light out. It wasn’t warm out, but the hot coffee was the perfect remedy for his already chilly hands.

Saïx nods and takes a deep breath. “It is. You can almost see where the park is from here, and you can obviously see the clock tower.”

Axel craned his neck and squinted in the direction Saïx was pointing in, and sure enough he was just able to spot a small clearing. And of course in the distance stood the clock tower - the crown jewel of Twilight Town.

“It’s incredible,” Axel said. He sipped on his own coffee and they sat in a comfortable silence together. The sounds of traffic down below snaked its way up to their vantage point but it was just white noise to Axel.

“Man, I am really craving a cigarette.” Saïx remarked with an unhappy sigh.

Axel turned to him with a surprised look. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t,” Saïx replied. “I used to but I was able to kick the habit. It’s, uh, mainly stress related.” Saïx mumbled the end and looked away. Axel watched him set his coffee cup down and twist his hair around. He pulled the strands back and twirled them into a messy bun before securing it in place with a hair tie from his wrist.

Although Axel was entranced, Saïx kept his gaze away. Axel could still see the pensive look on Saïx’s face. Axel trailed his eyes to the scar across Saïx’s nose, and couldn’t help the sad sigh that escaped past his lips.

Saïx heard and turned back. Axel must’ve had an upset look on his face and Saïx must have some incredible mind reading powers, because he took one look at Axel and gave him a bitter smile.

“It’s my scar isn’t it.” He sighed. “Hideous, right?”

“No,” Axel replied, immediately feeling bad.

“It’s alright, I get it.” Saïx replied with a dejected tone. “I see it everyday, and  _ I  _ think it’s hideous.”

“I would never say it’s hideous.” Axel countered. “I see it and...it makes me angry and sad.” Saïx looked up to Axel with his head tilted to the side, and it encouraged Axel to continue. “I just can’t believe that someone out there would do something like this, especially to you. And I just can’t imagine how  _ awful _ the whole ordeal was for you, and I wish there was something that I could’ve done.”

Saïx smiled and shook his head. “You know that doesn’t make much sense, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Axel muttered, looking away. “But it doesn’t change how I feel.” 

Axel took another drink from his coffee cup and looks back, finding Saïx giving him a curious look.

“What, do I have something on my face?” Axel reached a hand up to wipe at the corner of his mouth quickly.

“No, it’s nothing.” Saïx replied in his pondering tone. He looked away from Axel, still looking deep in thought.

Axel shrugged, taking another sip. Saïx’s story was coming back to him in pieces, but the more he remembered about Xemnas the angrier he got. But even more so, Axel just felt awful for Saïx. He knew what it was like to be manipulated, but never really by someone he trusted. Not to the extreme that Saïx had been through.

It made Axel wonder what kind of person could do such a thing. How did Xemnas just be  _ ok _ with completely fucking up someone’s life the way he had? There has to be something wrong with him or his priorities to be able to justify it. He almost felt  _ bad _ for him.

Axel started, startled at his own line of thinking. This Xemnas is  _ vile _ , and here Axel was pitying him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Saïx’s voice broke through Axel’s concentration, and Axel turned back to his friend.

“I’m not sure you want to hear it.” Axel replied sheepishly. Saïx replied with a kind smile.

“Try me.”

Axel took a deep breath. “Ok, well as messed up as it sounds I feel kind of bad for Xemnas. Not that I don’t think that he’s an ass, and I’m not excusing his behavior and what he did to you. But there’s gotta be something wrong with him, right?”

Saïx didn’t answer right away, but considered the thought instead.

“I don’t think that’s too crazy.” He eventually said. “I mean, I know that Xemnas has something wrong with him. And I think being able to be empathetic towards him shows incredible compassion.”

Axel blushed. “Don’t get me wrong, I still think he’s a terrible person.”

“Yes he is,” Saïx agreed in a grave voice. “Understanding that Xemnas is not 100% right in the brain helped me forgive him.”

“You forgave Xemnas?” Axel asked in surprise. “Why?”

“Yes.” Saïx hummed, taking a drink before continuing. “If I ever wanted to move on I had to. I was so...angry and bitter, and for the longest time I was sure that was all who I was. I had completely lost my identity.

“And then one day, I realized that I was wasting my life away. Xion was growing up, my parents were happy, my friends too - and there I was, in a perpetual state of misery. And I thought why? Why am I allowing myself to be weighed down by this?”

Axel was silent, in awe. “Wow,” he uttered eventually. “That is…that is really impressive. That’s like, some buddha-level shit.”

Saïx ducked his head in embarrassment. “It wasn’t easy. It took me a long,  _ long _ time to think that way. And I still have my bad days, obviously. But I have bad days in a pretty good life. Before, I’d be lucky if I had a decent day in a shit life.” Saïx adjusted in his chair. “But I’m still a basket case, I really should see a therapist.”

Axel shook his head. “I don’t blame you though, I hated my therapist.”

“When did you see one?” Saïx asked.

“When my mom died. I was young so I saw a child’s therapist, and all they had me do was play games and shit.” Axel shrugged. “And I didn’t want to go to some random stranger and talk about my mom, I wanted to talk to my dad. But he wasn’t there.”

Saïx nodded sadly. “That makes sense.” He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know, I know a lot of people who benefit from going to a therapist, but I honestly don’t think I could tell someone all that’s happened to me.”

“I mean,” Axel said. “You talked to me.”

“I know, but it’s different.” Saïx shifted and looked away. “I trust you, and I just feel…” He sighed hard and loud. “I don’t know. I haven’t even told anyone else about my scar.”

“Your scar?” Axel asked, glancing quickly at the very obvious ‘X’ on Saïx’s face. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the only one who knows that Xemnas threw a cup at me and gave me this scar.” Saïx shrugged. “I don’t know what Zexion and Demyx assume, but I haven’t told them. I couldn’t.”

Axel didn’t say anything, his mind reeling somewhat. He was blown away by the face that Saïx didn’t confide in anyone what happened to him, and he also felt a swell in his heart at Saïx trusting him.

But another thought was blossoming in Axel’s head - he was thinking about forgiveness, and how it helped Saïx come to terms with everything.

Axel wondered if he could do that with his dad.

It’s no surprise to anyone that Axel holds a lot of anger. And a lot of the anger he felt is deeply rooted in his thoughts about Luxord. He can pretend it’s not there, like he’s done for so long already. But ignoring the problem doesn’t fix it.

“What are you thinking about?”

Axel took a breath and shrugged. “Just if the whole forgiveness thing would work with me and my dad.”

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t.” Saïx said lightly. “But before you can even think about forgiveness you have to stop and think if that’s something that you really want. You wouldn’t be able to hide behind your anger or fear anymore.”

“But I like hiding behind my anger and fear.” Axel pouted, half-joking, half-serious.

Saïx rolls his eyes. “You can have bad days or days where you get angry. I mean, you saw my meltdown last night right? But you can’t like a life fueled by anger - we’re not around long enough for that to make sense.”

Axel falls quiet, contemplating if he’s really ready to take that next step.

For some reason, Roxas pops in his head. Little, happy Roxas who doesn’t really have a care in the world. He’s cheerful and is living his life to the fullest. He doesn’t hold grudges against anyone. Not even to Axel, who was awfully rude to him when axel first came home. 

Roxas doesn’t hold any resentment towards his father, who isn’t home most of the year. In fact, he counts down the days until he can see Luxord again. And when he sees his dad he’s ecstatic. But when Luxord is gone and away, he doesn’t sulk and be bitter - he’s back to his usual cheerful self in a day or two. 

Axel finds himself envious of the twerp, but he’s also feeling regretful. How much of his life has he wasted being angry and hurt over his father?

Axel doesn’t want to waste anymore time. He wants to be just as happy as Roxas. He wants to be a better man than Xemnas. 

He wants to be someone Saïx would be proud of. He wants to be the person that makes Saïx feel the way that Axel feels when he sees Saïx.

Axel reached over the gap between their chairs and grasped Saïx’s hand tightly.

Saïx looked back up in surprise, wide aquamarine eyes meeting Axel’s. 

“What are you doing?” He asked quickly, his voice matching his surprise. 

“Just wanted to say thank you.” Axel replied simply. He was hoping his casualness was masking the loud thumping noise he was sure his heart was making. 

Saïx glanced down at their hands and back up, still with his doe-eyed look, not saying a word. Right when Axel began to think that maybe he made a bold and terrible mistake, Saïx gave him a bashful smile with his face flushed. His eyes twinkled and he shook his head as he looked back down to his coffee. 

“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, still smiling. He squeezed Axel’s hand back, before pulling it back and wrapping his hands around his coffee mug. He curled up in his seat, a faint blush still visible on the tips of his ears. But to Axel he looked satisfied. 

Axel’s heart soared, and with a megawatt grin he relaxed in his seat and took in the cityscape below. 

~~~

“Don’t let him get it!” Roxas shrieked.

“I’m trying!” Xion strained as she ran away from Saïx. Even as she struggled to escape she had the biggest smile on her face.

Axel ran past her, indicating for her to pass the frisbee which she obliged. It sailed into his hands and he took off in the other direction, much to Roxas’ delight. 

It was another sunny and beautiful day. Axel, Roxas, Saïx and Xion were soaking up the sun’s rays at the park, playing some sort of keep-away gave with the frisbee that Roxas had brought.

Axel’s not really sure how the game started but it was fun. He wasn’t in the middle for more than a few minutes, thanks to his extremely long arms and legs. He was able to snatch the frisbee nearly every time it soared by him.

Roxas and Xion weren’t the best at the game, being the two shortest people involved. But no one was prepared for how  _ awful _ Saïx would be. Axel didn’t know if he was just joking around or being terrible so Xion wouldn’t be the worst. But there had to be some explanation to account for Saïx tripping over his feet twice in the last three minutes.

Axel was using his friend’s clumsiness to his advantage as he ran away. He zigzagged through the park, casting glances over his shoulder. He found Saïx, looking exhausted but determined, gaining ground and getting closer.

“Axel!” Roxas yelled, a few yards ahead. He was waving his arms in the air, wide open. Axel let the frisbee soar from his hands, but seconds after it left Saïx crashed into Axel, sending them both crashing to the ground.

Both Roxas and Xion burst out laughing, their giggles loud enough to bring attention to their group. But if people saw anything weird about two grown men, one with flaming red hair and the other with long blue hair, tangled together on the grassy lawn, they didn’t say anything about it.

Axel groaned, turning onto his back. “I didn’t realize tackling was on the table.” He remarked. He blinked up and saw Saïx, lying completely on top of him, give him a smirk. 

“You don’t seem too upset by it though.” He replied in a light voice. 

“I mean, you didn’t get the frisbee, so my work here is done.”

Saïx grinned wider and gave Axel a quick wink. 

His aquamarine eyes were dazzling in the light and he looked elated. Axel couldn’t help but send an equally happy smile back, even though his heart was pounding a mile and minute. Saïx’s face was just so close, close enough that Axel could pull him down into a kiss -

Axel felt a vibration in both his back pocket and his front, causing both him and Saïx to flinch. 

“Ahh!” Saïx exclaimed, pushing off Axel but hovering over him. 

Axel smirked up at him. “What, is that your phone or are you just happy to see me?”

Saix blushed but laughed loudly. He retreated and sat back on his feet, allowing Axel to sit up. His face was still bright red as he opened his phone and scanned the message. 

“Oh god, it’s from Demyx.” Saïx said with a groan. Sure enough Axel opened his phone and found the message in a group chat with him, Saïx, Demyx, Larxene and Marluxia. 

_ Demyx _

SOS - BAND MEETING IN THE GARAGE

Saïx rolled his eyes and began to type out a message. “I’ll send something back.”

There was another jolt from the phone in Axel’s and he read the reply from Saïx. 

_ Saïx  _

Axel and I aren’t in the band. 

Axel barely had a second to laugh before Demyx sent back three messages in rapid succession. 

_ Demyx _

I DONT CARE

WE NEED MORAL SUPPORT - COME NOW

The last message consisted of several emojis, including flashing lights, explosions, fireworks and even a few unicorns. 

“Oh brother.” Axel remarked dryly. “He’s pretty serious - what do you reckon?”

Saïx shook his head. “I mean, it’s time to leave now anyway. We could drop them off and head over.”

Saïx pointed to Roxas and Xion, who were both throwing the frisbee between each other happily. 

Axel nodded. “Sounds good, do you want me to pick you up?”

Saïx nodded, and both agreed to meet up in about a half hour. They changed it to 45 minutes after both Roxas and Xion complained about leaving the park and only acquiesced when Axel directed the group towards the ice cream cart. 

But eventually they went their separate ways and sooner rather than later Axel had dropped off Roxas, drove over to Saïx’s apartment and together made their way to Demyx and Zexion’s house. 

The garage door was open, letting the setting sun’s light shine in on the band’s practice space. Demyx, Larxene and Marluxia were lounging on amps and chairs, and looked towards Axel and Saïx as they walked in. 

“It’s about time!” Larxene complained. She crossed her arms and sent an annoyed glare their way. “I was busy making moves on the bag boy at the grocery store before I got dragged here.”

“What, was he actually bagging your groceries?” Axel asked in a teasing voice. 

“That still sounds sexual.” Saïx noted. “But we didn’t even need to be here, we’re not in the band.”

“But as our biggest supporters we need you guys here to hear this!” Demyx jumped in. “I have breaking news!”

He bounced on his feet, his eyes alight with excitement. No one said anything, and Demyx eventually tossed his hands in the air. 

“Is anyone going to ask me what the breaking news is?!”

“We were waiting for you to tell us, idiot!” Larxene shrieked. “You demanded we come in for a band meeting!”

“Just tell us the news, Demyx.” Saïx said, attempting to ease the tension in the room. 

Demyx glared at Larxene, before clearing his throat. 

“The Four Sinners -”

“Three Sinners.” Marluxia chimed in, sounding bored. 

“Right, the Three Sinners have a spot in Twilight Town’s Battle of the Bands!” Demyx spread his arms wide and had a huge smile on his face. 

Axel blinked. Really? This was the big news that Demyx dragged them all here for? He was about to turn to Saïx and make fun of Demyx but Saïx was looking at Demyx with wide eyes and a shocked face. Larxene was surprised as well, and even Marluxia looked less bored. 

“Really?” Larxene asked. “We’re in?!”

Demyx nodded vigorously. “Hell yeah, we’re in baby!”

Larxene shrieked and ran up to Demyx and gave him a huge hug. Demyx lifted her up and they spun around in a circle, both laughing. And Marluxia crosses his arms and actually smiled. 

Axel stood there, utterly confused. 

“I think I need someone to explain this to me.”

“The Battle of the Bands is a regional competition against bands from the area.” Saïx said. “Each band plays three songs and is judged but a panel of ex-musicians or record label executives. It’s super hard to get a slot in the show.”

“Huh.” Axel replied. 

“Why aren’t you freaking out?!” Demyx asked angrily. “This is HUGE!”

Axel shrugged. “I don’t know! It doesn’t sound much different than some local talent show.”

“It’s actually a pretty big deal.” Saïx said. Axel saw a wide smile on his face and he looked excited. “It’s a lot of exposure for the band.”

“And last year’s winner just announced a cross-country tour!” Demyx cries. 

“And we’ve been on the waitlist for two years.” Saïx finished. 

“Yeah! And now we FINALLY have a chance!” Demyx shouted, waving his arms in the air. He had a manic energy about him (more so than normal) and Axel was going to tease him for it but after looking around everyone seemed to have the same determined attitude. Even Saïx. 

“This is huge, you guys.” Saïx’s grin looked genuine and borderline euphoric. “Congratulations.”

“Yeah, congrats.” Axel added, hearing the apathetic tone in his voice. He cleared his throat to rid himself of his indifference. “I don’t know what use I can be, but I’ll do what I can.”

Saïx nodded, much more enthusiastic than Axel. “Yeah, same. What can I do?”

“Can we get some new songs?” Demyx immediately launches into serious band leader mode. “Three if you can swing it.”

“Three?!” Axel asked, taken aback by the demanding request. It’s difficult enough for Saïx to write lyrics for a song, let alone three. 

“Of course.”

Saïx’s resolute pledge was noticed by everyone - Larxene shot him a surprised look and Marluxia’s eyebrows jumped on his forehead. But Demyx gave Saïx a delighted grin, nodding in excitement. 

Axel just looked at his friend. He hasn’t seen him look so set or confident in a long time. But Axel was happy for his friends, even though he thought the whole battle thing was stupid and tacky. He forced a smile on his face and ignored the uneasy pit in his stomach. He made himself support his best friend in his, quite frankly, difficult endeavor, trying not to think about how much work and effort it will take. 

“What’s going on?” Zexion stepped into the garage, his lab coat hung over one arm. “What are you all doing here?”

“Zexyyy!” Demyx takes a running start and launches himself at his boyfriend, knocking them both to the ground. 

No one blames him in his excitement, and as they watch the scene unfold, Axel smiled over the sinking feeling in his gut that something terrible is going to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for all the love from last chapter! :)


	11. Chapter 11

Axel groaned as he ran a hand through his hair. Thanks to a late afternoon thunderstorm, the humidity in the air was making his hair frizz out more than normal. And even though he styled his hair in what some would could an “obnoxiously spikey” hair-do, Axel still took the time to achieve near perfection, and he didn’t need the stupid air to mess it all up.

He was briskly walking through the art district of Twilight Town, expertly avoiding the puddles. Not only did he not want to get the bottom of his jeans wet, but the hyper-focus was a distraction from the coiled nerves in his gut.

Axel had decided that enough was enough - he was going to confess his true feelings for Saïx, and pray that nothing went awry.

Even though there was another gut feeling telling Axel that something was going to go so horribly wrong. But after living with that thought for his entire life, he’s learned how to ignore it and push on.

Axel wasn’t really sure what made him decide to tell Saïx how he felt. Maybe it was how long time dragged for Axel when he couldn’t hang out with Saïx, due to his friend’s devotion in helping his friends prepare for the Battle of the Bands. Over the course of two weeks, Axel and Saïx had spent a whopping three days together. All three days were with Roxas and Xion in tow, and all three days had Saïx wholy preoccupied with writing lyrics and verses for the band.

Even on their day to the beach, Saïx had stayed under the umbrella, furiously scribbling in his notebook. He missed Roxas and Xion playing with some new kids from the beach, he missed getting watermelon for a refreshing snack, and he missed the kids burying Axel in the sand and baiting a few seagulls to come grab food from his face.

It was starting to drive Axel up a wall. (And he 100% expected Saïx to come to his rescue on the beach, and was sorely disappointed when he didn’t.)

But Axel was really starting to  _ miss _ Saïx. It was pathetic, because they had still seen each other and held a little conversation on those three days they hung out together. And they were still texting when they weren’t with each other. But it wasn’t the same as before - the Saïx that has been around for two weeks wasn’t mean or cold, but he was borderline obsessed and dedicated to getting the songs to Demyx on time.

Axel decided to cut Saïx a break - this was just a one-time thing and after the Battle of the Bands, things would go back to normal. 

Or better than normal, Axel hoped.

He really thinks the moment he decided to confess to Saïx came after a casual observation Roxas made in the park one afternoon. 

“Are you and Saïx fighting?” He had asked in a serious tone. 

Axel assured him that they weren’t, just that Saïx was very busy with work.

“Well it seems like you guys are fighting and not talking as much, kinda like when Mom and Dad fight and they don’t talk.” Roxas nodded firmly to himself. “You guys just need to kiss and make up like they do and things will go back to normal.”

Axel choked on his spit and had to get himself through a coughing fit before correcting Roxas in a hoarse voice that no, that’s  _ not _ what needs to happen.

“But that’s what everyone is supposed to do!” Roxas protested. “When two people are in love and they’re in a fight they kiss and make up!”

Axel mentally decided to monitor what TV shows or movies his little brother was watching. He also meant to reaffirm that he and Saïx were not dating, but Roxas had already run off completely distracted.

At that point Axel knew that trying to get through to the kid was a lost cause. Although he had to give Aerith some kudos, seeing how Roxas’ first questions wasn’t  _ why _ he and Saïx liked each other. Axel had assumed that he wasn’t related to bigoted people but the real last thing he wanted to deal with was explaing all  _ that _ to Roxas.

But nevertheless, Roxas’ idea had bounced around in Axel’s head that whole day. Not so much the “kiss-and-make-up” part, but the part where Axel and Saïx were Axel _ and  _ Saïx. Where he could take Saïx on nice dates to fancy dinners, and he could bring him around to meet Aerith. Or where he could meet Saïx’s parents and family. And later on, when he could stay at Saïx’s apartment, and maybe he could leave a toothbrush there and eventually Saïx would give him a drawer to store some clothes and then why wouldn’t they just move in together and celebrate the holidays and buy a plant. 

These thoughts consumed him for days, and it wasn’t until late one night that Axel realized that he wasn’t just in love with Saïx because of how gorgeous he was. He wasn’t just in love with Saïx because of the damn treasure Saïx was to this world. And he wasn’t just in love with Saïx because he saw Axel as who he was, and made Axel feel like he mattered and cared about. But Axel realized that he truly loved Saïx because he couldn’t find  _ one _ reason - there was no exact moment that he could pinpoint down to being “it.” It was everything that Axel has felt all along, from the moment he laid eyes on Saïx, to this very second. It was the feeling of home and love and joy and euphoria that Axel hadn’t even realized was a feeling that people actually have.

It was no longer a matter of “would he ever confess?” But rather it became a moment of “ _ when  _ would he confess?”

The sooner the better for Axel, but he couldn’t be rash. There couldn’t be any other distraction that would take away from that moment. So he would have to wait until after the Battle of the Bands. 

But now as he got closer to the venue, Axel briefly wondered what would happen if he put if off a bit longer? No, a promise is a promise - he can’t take the chance of waiting just because he was a little scared. 

The bouncer checked his (fake) ID and allowed Axel through. Thank goodness the guy wasn’t too thorough with his job - Axel was sure he looked like a nervous wreck on the outside. But he wasn’t one to complain, so he pocketed his wallet and stepped inside.

Axel quickly scans the crowded room and finds Saïx at the bar with Zexion. Even in the dim light Axel is immediately struck by Saïx - enough to feel a gasp escape his lips and his heart to go pounding into overdrive. Saïx is just beautiful, nearly glowing like a radiant gem. 

As if Saïx could sense someone thinking about him, Saïx turned and found Axel immediately. When their eyes lock, Saïx beamed.

Axel makes his way through the crowd as quick as he can, tugged by the sudden desire to go right up to Saïx and pull him close and tell him just _how much_ he means to Axel and _how_ _much_ Axel’s life has changed for the better and the scary but incredible impact Saïx has had on his life.

But he must wait for the Battle of the Band to be finished - no distractions, and nothing to get in between him and Saïx.

“Hey,” Axel says coolly, ignoring the frantic beating of his heart.

“Hi,” Saïx replies, his smile big but soft and gentle at the same time. “Took you long enough to get here.”

Axel smirked, gesturing to his hair. “This masterpiece takes time, I’m sure you’re aware.”

Saïx grinned, shaking his head. “I should’ve know.” He meets Axel’s eyes, the glittering aqua mesmerizing Axel. “Hey, I gotta talk to you.”

Axel’s already beating heart skips another beat. “Yeah, I need to talk to you too. I mean, if you’re not too busy.”

Axel meant to lightly tease, but he must’ve come off too hard as he saw Saïx’s eyes widen and he looked to the ground guiltily. “I know, I’ve been really busy lately with the band and everything. I’m sorry, I should’ve been more upfront about it and -”

“Hey hey, I was just joking.” Axel reassures him. “I get it, I’m not upset.”

“Oh.” Axel saw a blush creep up Saïx’s neck and face. His friend started laughing run a hand to his neck. “Oh jeez, yeah okay.”

Axel laughed too, but something felt off. Saïx was acting almost squirrely and he kept looking over his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Axel asked after they stopped laughing. “You seem distracted.”

“Yeah, I’m great!” Saïx said, speaking in a loud voice. He cringed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just need to talk to you. It’s important.”

Axel nods. “Okay, we can find somewhere.”

“Let’s go outside, I know where it’s quiet. Hold on.” He turned back to the bar, seemingly to settle his tab. His posture was rigid and he tapped the bar nervously as he waited for his check. Something obviously was off - Saïx looked almost a nervous as Axel felt.

The thought hit Axel like a freight train, and he nearly froze in disbelief.

Could it be….

No, Axel is  _ not  _ letting his heart run wild. He’s not going to entertain the idea that Saïx  _ might _ like him back. Axel is not going to think about Saïx wanting to confess the same exact thing that Axel wants and everything will be well and right in the world and they’ll live happily ever after and -

_ No no no, _ Axel scolds himself. 

“Okay, you ready?” Saïx turns but is jostled by Demyx running into him.

“Saïx, there you are!” Demyx looked almost unrecognizable with the full-on rocker look he had going. His mohawk was slicked up straight and he had a dark ring of kohl around both eyes. His leather vest was fringing at the edges and the large lightning bolt on the back was bedazzled. It was so over-the-top it look garish, but the only thing Axel thought about was how much of a  _ rockstar _ Demyx looked. He shook the idea from his head quickly. 

“We need you in the back, c’mon.” Demyx grabbed at Saïx’s arm to pull him to the back. Axel felt a twinge of usual annoyance, but was caught off-guard by the vicious look on Saïx’s face. 

“No, I wrote the lyrics and even helped you with the chords. I’m  _ busy _ , so buzz off.”

“Marluxia asked for you specifically and you  _ promised _ to help so let’s fucking go.” Axel was completely taken aback by the venom in Demyx’s voice and the fire in his eyes. He remained silent as Saïx and Demyx glared daggers at each other. Eventually Axel stepped up and cleared his throat.

“It’s okay, I’ll be here when you come back.” Axel spoke to Saïx, in what he hoped was a soothing and relaxing voice. Saïx glanced to him and back to Demyx, but in the end he heaved a sigh of defeat.

Demyx took that as victory and pulled Saïx away. Axel watched with a fond smile but started when Saïx reached out and grabbed Axel’s hand.

“Please don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.” Saïx rushed out, almost desperate. Axel only nodded, doe-eyed. Saïx’s hand was eventually pulled from Axel’s hand, and the crowd nearly swallowed him whole. Axel just stood there, his hand tingling.

“So, you’re going to tell him how you feel tonight right?”

Axel jumped, the voice of Zexion scaring him out of his skin. He had forgotten that Zexion was originally at the bar with Saïx, but now he turned and found him giving Axel a stern look. Like Demyx’s face, it was out of character and threw Axel off as well.

But he was confident and sure of what he needed to do tonight and had no problem saying so. “Of course.”

Zexion regarded him, still glaring over the rim of his glass. But eventually he nodded. 

“Good. I’ll go get him away from Demyx.” He set his glass on the bar and slipped away. He quickly disappeared into the ever-growing crowd.

Now completely alone save for the increased of bodies pressing closer around him, Axel felt his heart rate speed up at the prospect of confessing to Saïx. Even more so when he thought about how bad things could go if Saïx didn’t feel the same way. 

The loud noises of the crowd and the jostling was starting to get to Axel, and he clung to the bar like a lifeline. Seemed like a good opportunity for Axel to get a stiff drink and relax. 

He began waving down the bartenders, scowling as they seemed to look at everyone else except him. He began to get really annoyed when he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. He was about to turn and tell this fucker off but the loud voice in his ear made him freeze. 

“Now aren’t you a little young to be at a bar?”

It’s not the tone, happy and jovial, that stills Axel. It’s not even the question that sends a warning signal to his brain. He jerks his head around, and finds his father giving him a huge grin. 

“Dad??”

Luxord laughs, clearly amused by the shocked look that must be on Axel’s face. The shock in part from wondering what the hell his father was doing here, but also from the laughter and joyful persona that Axel was currently privy to. Luxord was actually  _ happy _ to see him.  

“Oh don’t be so scared, Axel.” Luxord twittered with another laugh. “I’ll keep your secret safe with me. Barkeep, two shots of your finest!”

One of the bartenders nodded but did a quick double-take, gawking at Luxord before hurrying off quicker than he had moved all night. Axel sat, dumbstruck and confused. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked dazedly. 

“I’m the surprise guest judge! Well, not so much of a surprise anymore.” Luxord winked at a few nosy patrons, all who were whispering to each other. Axel noticed a few from the crowd turning towards the bar, craning their necks. 

“Ah, here we go!” Luxord takes the shot from the bartender as happy as a kid in a candy shop, and the bartender looks equally thrilled. Luxord sets the shot in Axel’s hand and holds his up high. 

“To Lady Luck and good fortune - May both bless your bed tonight!” 

Axel couldn’t help his involuntary flinch. Luxord’s famous toast, given each time before he went onstage for  _ his _ concerts, made Axel flinch. He was transported back years as a hazy memory swam to the surface of his consciousness - a young Axel joining in on the toast with his water almost as enthusiastically as his father and crew. The thought hit Axel like a bus.

He willed himself to remain still, quietly observing Luxord take his shot with a grin, exhaling loudly against the burn. 

“Look at us! Here I never thought that I’d be at a bar with my son before he goes on stage with his band! Following in your old man’s footsteps, eh? Even if you did things the hard way!” Luxord laughs again, but Axel doesn’t. He notices the crowd pressing closer to them, and the whispers of the Famous Luxord being in the bar grow louder. But what really sticks out is the simple comment made by his father, causing Axel to finally speak. 

“I’m not in a band.”

Luxord waves a hand in the air. “I don’t know son, if you’re the lead vocalist it sounds like you’re in a band!”

Axel opened his mouth to reiterate the very obvious fact, but was interrupted by Luxord placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Now listen, I can't go in and rig the contest for you tonight - that’s not just how I roll. But I just wanted to say that I’m so  _ proud _ of you. I never would’ve imagined this would be your calling and I am just over the moon. And I promise that I’ll be there for you every step of the way, and I’ll do what I can to support you.”

Axel closed his eyes as tight as he could, willing the painful stab to his heart to disappear. How long has he waited to hear his father say those words to him, even  _ speak _ to Axel like a normal father would to his son. But it’s all for naught, because there’s no way that Luxord would be proud of anything that Axel has really done. That harsh reality makes Axel open his eyes and set his jaw.

“I’m not in a band.” He repeats with more heat, slapping Luxord’s hand away from his shoulder. “I don’t know where you heard that from, and frankly I don’t care.”

For one second Luxord is caught off guard, and it’s satisfying for Axel to watch the happy smile be replaced with something akin to confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought I made it clear,” Axel replied, venom dripping in his voice. “I’m not in a fucking band. Guess I haven’t done anything to make you proud after all.”

Luxord’s brows furrowed, and Axel could see traces of irritation flick across his face. “Well, then why would someone call me and tell me that you were in a band tonight?” He paused for a second, and shook his head angrily. “And who the fuck called me?!”

Axel thought on it, and all at once narrowed down the suspect to one person.

Demyx.

It seemed time had stood still for one quick second but came rushing back the next. The dull hum in his head quickly crescendoed into a loud roar - almost an inhuman fury screaming and making Axel see red.

He wanted to find Demyx, and tear him limb from limb.

“Another shot for the legendary Luxord, on the house!” The bartender cried and slammed two more glasses of amber liquid down in front of Luxord and Axel. The crowd around them cheered, clapping and chanting and filming.

Axel saw his quick escape, with people now crowding in on Luxord, holding phones and begging for autographs. He turned and stalked away, ignoring his name being called behind him. 

As he stalked towards the stage, Axel focused on the details that fueled the fire within. Demyx had called Luxord, using Axel as the bait to get an uber-famous rockstar to judge their band. And he even had the balls to use Axel and claim  _ he _ was the lead singer, even though two seconds into their set Luxord would’ve realized. 

It was a half-assed plan that was so clearly the work of a greedy, egotistical moron who thought nothing of using someone and dumping them to the side like they were nothing. Well no more - Axel wouldn’t take it anymore.

He bumped into several people on his journey to find Demyx. He offered no apologies to those who just happened to be in his path, and felt eyes trail after him in resentment.

_ It’s happening again _ , Axel thought, the paranoia beginning to set it. All of these people around him knew he was Luxord’s father and that Luxord was here and they just  _ wanted  _ something from Axel, he just  _ knows  _ it -

Axel shook his head. The distractions were building up, and he had to turn his focus onto Demyx. That idiot chose to mess with the wrong guy, and Axel would make sure he knew it.

He found a door with a sign labeled “Bands Only.” Ignoring the sign and the stares around him, he shoved the door open. The room wasn’t nearly as crowded as the main floor and he was able to spot Demyx quickly. He wasted no time in striding over, yanking Demyx by the back of his shirt and slamming him against the wall.

“What the hell?!” Demyx squawked, reaching his hands up to push Axel away. “Axel!”

“Shut up!” Axel snapped, grabbing fistfuls of Demyx’s shirt and pulling them tight. “I thought you were my friend!”

“I am your friend - what are you doing?!”

“Friends don’t go behind each others back!”

“Axel, calm down.” Zexion’s forceful voice drifted out somewhere from behind, but Axe didn’t even turn to acknowledge him. 

“Fuck off, this doesn’t concern you.”

“When you’re choosing to strangle my boyfriend, it becomes my concern.”

Axel took the second to note that in the way that he was pulling on Demyx’s shirt was cutting the material tight across his neck, and a quick glance up noted that Demyx was taking shallow breaths in. But Axel also saw Demyx’s fearful wide eyes and snarled.

“You know that I don’t like when people use me!”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!” Demyx yelled, although it was more of a raspy cry.

Axel nearly growled in his frustration. “You brought my dad here so you guys could win your stupid contest!”

Demyx stopped struggling against Axel and his eyes went wide. “Wait a minute, Luxord is here?!” The excitement in his eyes is quickly extinguished by another forceful push to the wall from Axel.

“Don’t play dumb!”

Demyx squeaks and resumed his struggles to get free. Axel feels the bodies of two people, presumably Zexion and Marluxia, hover close enough to pull him away if necessary. But they don’t, and Axel knows its because they don’t really know this side of Axel - the side that he only lets out when he’s just so angry and can’t think. But the rage grows as Demyx refuses to confess, and Axel is losing his patience.

Just when he was thinking about shoving Demyx into the wall again, a hand grabs at his arm and tries to pull him back. Axel snaps his head to the side, wondering who would dare try to come up to him now, and sees Saïx.

“Stop! He had nothing to do with this!”

Axel blinks, momentarily confused. But his eyes quickly narrow and he shakes his head. “Don’t fucking cover for him.”

Saïx tugs at his arm again urgently. “Stop - it was me! I called Luxord!”

Axel froze, still holding Demyx’s shirt but no longer trying to shake the truth out of him. It was actually the last thing on his mind at the moment. He was still attempting to understand the words that came from Saïx’s mouth. 

Axel looks back to Saïx, confident that the disbelief and hurt would be clear on his face. Because he couldn’t fathom why Saïx, of  _ all _ people would do this to him. He didn’t  _ want _ to believe it.

But here he was, two hands forcefully shoving Demyx against a wall in a now completely silent room where all eyes were on him. He quickly releases Demyx and staggers back, momentarily horrified. He starts to hear the whispers that spread around the room like wildfire.

“Hey, I think that’s Luxord’s kid.”

“No way man, that’s not Roxas.”

“No, his  _ other _ kid.”

“OH. The crazy one?”

“Well clearly.”

The loud thumping Axel hears isn’t the bass from the loudspeakers in the other room, it’s his own heart getting louder and more furious. He glanced around his surroundings, seeing Larxene and Marluxia staring at him with wide eyes. Zexion has moved in front of Demyx, keeping the distance between his boyfriend and Axel. Demyx slumps against the wall, holding his throat and almost breathing as hard as Axel. He turns to Saïx, who has a fearful look on his face. 

As his heart beats louder, Axel begins to feel remorse for what he’s done. Who had he become in the last five minutes? Some monster who scares his friends and almosts punches a friend in the face? 

_ But you had no choice _ , a nasty voice in his head speaks out.  _ They  _ used _ you, and they took advantage of you. _

The realization comes crashing into Axel’s head, and as he thinks, everything falls into place. Saïx wanted to help his friends’ band, knowing that Luxord would eventually come along into Axel’s life. He lied to Axel, told him that he didn’t care for musicians in the slightest, probably just to make Axel trust him in some way. Maybe also wanted to fuck with Axel’s head - play the stupid games that sociopaths love to play.

Well, Saïx almost royally fucked his plan up. No wonder he was so nervous at the bar. He must’ve realized that it was a shit plan. Maybe Demyx  _ did _ have something to do with it after all. They all did, Axel’s sure of it. Yet again, another solid example of why Axel should never trust anyone, or expect anyone to have any decency. Because the second that Axel let’s his guard down, he’s completely fucked with and screwed over. It’s the vicious circle that Axel is constantly thrown around in.

So if everything happened the way it was supposed to, why does it feel like a knife was shoved through Axel’s heart?

It takes a second look at Saix’s tearful face to explain why, which drives another knife through Axel. 

There’s no way he can stay here now. Everything is too loud and too quiet and painful, so he does the one thing he’s good at. He turns on his heel and quickly locates the nearest exit. Once he finds his escape, Axel bolts.

He thinks he can hear his name being called, over and over, but he doesn’t stop. Not until he feels the old metal door give way beneath his shaking hands, and the rush of the cold night’s air blows on his face. He stumbles out into the alleyway, taking several gulps of air. His vision is blurring and his hands shake even more violently. Is he having a panic attack or is he dying?

_ No, you’re safe _ , Axel affirms as he holds his head in his hands.  _ You’re in an alleyway and you’re safe and you’re okay but you’re so  _ not  _ okay and _ - 

“Axel!” A hand grabs his arms and brings him back to reality. Axel looks up and sees Saix’s crestfallen face. 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you would react like this!” Saïx sounds so distressed and Axel spots a few tears spill over and fall down his face. 

But even though there’s another stab of pain of seeing Saïx cry, there was another feeling growing stronger and stronger. The shock and hurt from before is quickly dwarfed by anger fueling the fire within.

He already ran away from a fight with Luxord, and a fight with Demyx. Now it was time to stand his ground and create hell. 

“What?” Axel snapped, jerking his hand away from Saix’s grip. “How did you picture me reacting to being utterly betrayed? How do you think I’d take knowing that my best friend was just fucking with me this whole time?”

Saïx, visibly shocked, shook his head adamantly. “No! I would never, I wasn’t!”

“How in the fuck do you think I can believe that?” Axel barked. The nasty voice in his head fed into the hatred, and encouraged his fierce temperament. 

“Please, you just have to Axel -“

“Don’t fucking say my name.” It was his kryptonite.

Saïx cowered, causing fresh tears to pool in his eyes. “Please, listen! I just thought if you saw your dad you’d be able to talk to him!”

“Why in the world do you think I’d want to talk to him?!”

“Because of what you said! You want to make up and move on! You said it yourself!”

Axel opened his mouth to retort but found no response. Saïx had a point, Axel had to admit. He needed to finish things with Luxord, and find closure so he stop living his life full of resentment. Wasn’t that why he decided to wait until after the Battle of the Bands to confess to Saïx, so there could be nothing to get in their way?

Did Saïx know this, and is this his backwards way of trying to help Axel and release him of his anger?

But right now, when white-hot fury is all he can feel, that doesn’t sound like a good enough excuse. He meets Saïx’s tear-stained face, but doesn’t see his best friend. He sees just another person who wanted to take advantage of him. 

“I can’t trust anything you say anymore.”

Saïx gasps, his breath hitching in his throat. “Please, you can trust me!”

“No, I can’t.” Tears finally began to form in his own eyes. The admission hurt Axel more than he realized. Because this whole time when he thought that Saïx was his friend, and maybe that they could be something more, it was all a lie. 

That belief, paired with the utmost hatred Axel held for himself, took all the fight from him. He turned around, not sure where he would go. Where could he go and find comfort? Anywhere he went he received nothing but crossed arms and cold shoulders. Axel didn’t know, and still walked away.

And Saïx, probably admitting defeat, just let him. There was no more desperate cry of Axel’s name or any grabbing hands. But the sob from behind made Axel pause. When looked over his shoulder he saw his best friend and love of his life breaking down in agonizing sobs. 

The sight itself nearly broke Axel, and he almost gave in and turned around. The masochistic side of him wanted to hold Saïx close and tell him that it’s OK, knowing full well that he could get hurt again. But Axel had to stand his ground. Because not again would he allow himself to get close to anyone. Not again would be put his faith in others. He may hate himself with every fiber of his being. But he knew where he had to cross the line.

Instead he walked away, and the sounds of Saïx crying eventually faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love for Chapter 10!


	12. Chapter 12

The walk back to Axel’s house seemed to go on forever. 

Mainly in part due to having to stop himself from turning around and running back to Saïx. He’d pause in the middle of the sidewalk, a fierce internal struggle happening in his head, and ended with him squaring his jaw and continue on his walk home. 

At other points he’d had to stop and compose himself. Twice he had to turn down an alleyway so he could let a small sob escape past his lips before he’d close his mouth tight. It was the quick band-aid against the breaking damn that _hopefully_ would hold until he could go home and break down in the privacy of his own bedroom. 

But for the most part he marched back, keeping his head down and radiating Do-Not-Fuck-With-Me vibes. 

Of course the universe had to do the exact opposite of what he wanted, for when Axel walked through the front door, Luxord was there ready to pounce. 

“You mind explaining what the hell that was back there?” Luxord immediately jumped on him, not even allowing Axel to close the door before getting right in his face. 

“Luxord, for God’s sake.” Aerith muttered from the stairs, hanging on the outskirts and staying out of the way of whatever _this_ was going to become. 

But Axel didn’t have it in him to fight. He was tired, sad and just so _done_. He didn’t want to have to deal with anything. 

“I don’t have to explain shit to you.” 

Well, there was still some fire left in him after all. 

“I beg to differ.” Luxord retorted. Axel finally looked up and met his father’s eyes. The golden amber were ablaze and he looked pretty mad. “I am your father, and I want to know what the hell that was.”

Axel rolled his eyes, not scared in the slightest by the macho posturing. These were the kinds of empty threats Axel had heard growing up, and just like the boy who cried wolf, each warning having less effect than the last. 

Axel attempted to sidestep Luxord and make his way up the stairs. He even managed to make quick eye contact with Aerith, who looked ready to intervene if things became violent. Which for Axel and Luxord, it was inevitable. 

A strong hand halted Axel in his tracks. “Excuse me, but I don’t think I told you you could leave.”

“Well excuse me,” Axel snapped back, more exasperated at the holdup than properly angry. “I don’t think I give a shit.”

“Watch your mouth.” Luxord said, his voice seeping authority that he has no right to use. “Tell me what your problem was back at the bar, I won’t ask again.”

Axel knew that Luxord truly wouldn’t ask again, but it was just another empty threat. 

“I’m not dealing with this right now.” Axel muttered and shrugged his shoulder out from Luxord’s grip. He turned to cut through the living room and into the kitchen, where a side staircase would lead upstairs and into Axel’s room. So he could finally be alone and suffer.

“Oh yes you are.” Luxord was hot on Axel’s heels and cut across the back of the couch to block the doorway to the kitchen. Axel stopped in his steps, now starting to get really pissed.

“I know that you think you’re above the law and that the rules don’t apply to you Axel, but we have been very generous to you in the past few months.” Luxord began his lecture, and it was one that Axel had heard before. Maybe not mirror in words, but in tone and gestures and emotions. “We have let you stayed in our house this summer rent free, we gave you a job so you could get back on your feet, so the least you could do is show some damn respect and -”

“You didn’t do shit for me.” Axel spat, finally getting fed up. “ _You_ were the one who wanted to charge me rent, and _you_ didn’t even want me staying here in the first place. If there is anyone that I need to show respect to, its Aerith, because she’s the only one around here who gives a damn, and is the only one who’s actually around!”

Luxord’s eyes narrowed. “You have no right to say that to me, you _know_ that everything I have done has been for my family.”

“Not me!” Axel yelled. “You haven’t done _shit_ for me!”

“What do you call this?!” Luxord bellowed, holding his arms out and gesturing around. “What do you call this house you sleep in, or the food in the kitchen that you eat?! The sacrifices I have made have been for my family! You have always been so _ungrateful_ and _selfish_ -”

“I’m selfish?!” Axel nearly shrieked. “Are you seriously calling _me_ selfish?!”

“Yup, I am.” Luxord nodded hard. “You never thought about all that I had to do to provide for -”

“ _That’s all I would think about_ !” Axel screamed. His heart was racing and his hands shaking violently. He was hopped up on adrenaline, momentarily forgetting that his heart was shattered earlier. “All I would think about was you on the road, and you in California, and you _not being there for me!”_ Axel felt his chest heaving as he let everything out on the table.

“I had to make a judgement call!” Luxord shouted back, just as loud. “I make decisions every day, and I always try my hardest to make the best decision for this family!”

Axel scoffed. “Yeah, _this_ family.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luxord barked, frustration apparent in his voice.

“Me being here is your worst nightmare, because I ruin the _perfect family_ look you’re desperately going for.”

“Whether you like it or not you’re part of this family.” Luxord shot back with an ugly sneer.

“I’m not Roxas’ brother or Aerith’s son.” Axel looked Luxord dead in the eye. “And you made it very clear that you didn’t want to be my dad when you left me behind.”

“I couldn’t bring a kid on the road and you know that Axel.” Luxord retorted very matter-of-factly.

“It didn’t stop you when mom was around.” Axel whipped back, feeling a painful tug at his heart.

Luxord’s eyes widened. For the first time he looked vulnerable, and a nasty part in Axel’s brain derived some satisfaction from Luxord’s shock. “Y-you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I don’t huh?” Axel snarled. “You don’t think I know that you cast me aside when mom died? You don’t think I know that you couldn’t _stand_ to be around me so you shipped me off to some part of the country that you didn’t even bother to bring your tour to? You don’t think I know how much you hated your old family that you had to go out and get a new one and completely forget about me? Forget about me and mom?” Axel felt his eyes stinging and he blinked furiously. Luxord was still, his mouth open in stunned silence.

“You can’t even _begin_ to understand.” Luxord eventually said, his voice shaking.

“Well, it’s not like you were around to explain it.” Axel replied. Luxord flinched, and Axel didn’t feel bad. When Luxord didn’t have a reply, Axel turned to leave the living room.

“You can’t just go,” Luxord speaks up, trying to regain authority and take back control.

Axel stopped and glanced over his shoulder. Luxord was still standing tall, shoulders squared and back tense. But the fury in his eyes was out and he looked more tired than Axel could ever remember.

“I’m doing you a favor.” He said evenly. “I’ll leave now, so you can finally have the family you’ve always wanted - the perfect son and a wife who’s not dead.”

Axel turned away, not bothering to see what effect his words had on his father. He walked into the foyer, grabbing his keys from the ceramic bowl by the door. He had the front door opened but stopped when he heard a small voice say his name.

“Axel.”

Axel shut his eyes, feeling guilt crash into him. He turned towards the stairs and saw Roxas, sitting on the very top step. He had his arms wrapped around his knees, and from the crushed look on his face Axel knew that he heard everything. 

Axel imagined it was hard not to, but seeing Roxas just sitting there looking so small made Axel feel like the worst human being on the planet. 

Axel looked away, still gripping the door handle as hard as he can. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, not even looking Roxas in the eye like the coward he is. He can’t bear to see the hurt that must be spelled out on Roxas’ face, knowing that it would be almost like looking into a mirror fifteen years ago.

Axel made a promise that he would never disappoint someone who looked up to him, or someone that he cared about. He vowed to be a present friend, future husband and future father. He knew first hand how dispiriting and heart-wrenching it was.

But he would have never guessed that one day he would break his oath and do the same thing Luxord did to him.

Axel walked out the front door and shut it quietly behind him.

He spent all night driving, only stopping at gas stations to grab lukewarm burnt coffee. Cashiers didn’t pay any attention to a man with flaming red hair buying large coffees. So it was just Axel and his thoughts alone on the road. 

He thought about Luxord, thought about Tifa, thought about Roxas, thought about Saïx - Axel forced his brain to only think of the happy memories. If his brain decides to analyze anything for a second he’d shut it down real fast. 

Axel honestly couldn’t trust himself on the road if he began to double-think every single move he’s made in the last few months. 

So he only kept it to memories, but he was careful to filter out memories of Saix’s tearstained face and Roxas’ innocent sorrow.

Around 4am he thought about returning home to gather his things and really leave this town. He’d find a cheap ass apartment in some other city and start anew. Maybe he’d work at a coffee shop. 

At the fleeting thought of a coffee shop, Axel’s head was flooded with Saix’s sobbing face and sounds distraught cries. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and willed his brain to think of literally anything else.

He drove around for a few hours before driving by the house. He was a true stalker as he drove by multiple times, waiting for Luxord’s shiny SUV to leave. Eventually, after the fifth time driving around the block Axel can’t spot Luxord’s car in the driveway so he makes his way up and parks in front of the house. He quietly opened the front door, making sure to hold the handle so the latch wouldn’t spring back and echo in the foyer. He had calculated how he would get up to his room without walking by Roxas’ room or waking Aerith. He just had to move quick, really only taking the essentials and travel light. He figured no one would be up at this time and he would be in and out.

So when he crossed into the kitchen he froze. He really shouldn’t have been surprised but he was. Aerith was moving bacon from the hot pan to a paper-towel lined plate and set it on the stove to keep warm.

“The coffee is hot,” she said softly. “Eggs will be ready shortly, why don’t you sit down?”

She didn’t look up at him, or act like Axel hadn’t just spent the entire night driving around who knows where. Axel had half a mind to ignore her and leave now, but his body moved on its own accord and he felt himself drop into a chair by the table. In the blink of an eye a plate of bacon, eggs and toast was placed in front of him.

Axel looked up, seeing Aerith give him a look of utter kindness and patience - one that he really did not deserve.

“Eat at least half of your plate, and then you can go upstairs to get some sleep.” She smoothed down his hair, gentle in her touch. He flinched at the touch and she stopped, a soft sigh escaping past her lips. “Do you want some juice?”

Axel nodded, dumbstruck. He felt her hand leave his hair as she walked to the fridge to pour him a glass of orange juice.

Axel’s not really sure why now is the time that he decides to cry, but once the tears spill down his face he can’t stop. He can sense Aerith returning to the table. He heard her set the juice down in front of him before pulling up a chair and sitting down. 

It only takes another gentle hand to smooth down his wild mane for his quiet tears to turn into pathetic sobs.

Either he leans into Aerith or she pulls Axel into her arms, but he doesn’t care. He’s so tired that he can’t even think. His heart feels like it’s been split into a thousand pieces, and he’s just so _sad_ and _lost_ and he doesn’t even know what to do. 

He cries for the thorny relationship that can’t get him and his father to have one normal conversation. He cries for the little brother that deserves a much better sibling than Axel will ever be. He cries for his friends’ who work hard at their passions but just can’t ever get a break. And he cries for Saïx and the love between them that has been tainted by Axel because he is just _broken_.

But Axel also cries for himself, because after all of these years he still doesn’t know what is wrong with him to make everything he touches turn to complete shit. And he cries because he doesn’t know how to fix it.

In Axel’s whole crying fit, Aerith didn’t ask any questions or try to say anything to make him feel better. She held him close, brushing a hand through his hair and waited. Eventually the cries and sniffles subsided, and Axel closed his eyes. The gentle hand carded through his hair, and Axel tried not to think about his mom and how much he wanted her here but also not hating how it was Aerith who was taking care of him.

~~~

Axel decides to not move out of the house quite yet.

He didn’t really want to have to sneak out in the middle of the night with only the bare necessities. If he was going to start all over, it would make sense to have some clothes.

Aerith mentioned in passing that Luxord does not have plans to come home for a few weeks. He was wrapping up his farewell tour so it’s the long haul before he’s home for good. She estimated about six more weeks. So Axel decided that he would be gone for good way before then.

Aerith also told Axel that he didn’t have to leave. Her forwardness caught Axel off guard, and he was unable to respond. He was also touched that she was still willing to open her doors to Axel after he made such a scene with Luxord.

As much as Axel wants to stay, he just can’t. And not just in the house, but in Twilight Town in general. Everywhere he turns he’s reminded somehow of the love lost between him and Saïx. How can he stay in a city where there's so much pain?

No, it'd be better for him to leave and start fresh elsewhere. But Axel had to tell himself that he wasn’t running away from his problems. But rather he was starting fresh, with a new outlook on life.

He didn’t buy it, and it was his _own_ excuse.

But before he could even think about trying to leave he had to apologize to Roxas.

The day after he sat in the kitchen and cried into Aerith’s shoulder he told Roxas he’d take him out to breakfast. The kid had just nodded, cowering away from Axel. He hasn’t said a word to Axel since uttering his name in a quiet distress that awful night. 

And now, as they sat across from each other in the diner, Roxas still wasn’t meeting Axel’s eyes. He let Axel order his pancake breakfast, only nodding when the waiter asked if Roxas wanted whipped cream and strawberries.

Axel took a sip of coffee, working through the awkward silence. But eventually he had no choice but to face the music.

“I’m sorry.” Axel said. It was sincere and remorseful, which Axel doesn’t think he could find the words to truly explain how awful he feels about the whole ordeal.

Roxas finally met Axel’s eyes but quickly glanced away. “It’s okay,” he replied in a quiet voice, studying the sugar canister on the table. Axel’s heart sank, knowing that the damage has been done. There was nothing he could say that would make Roxas think any better of him - but he had to at least try.

“I really am.” Axel said quietly. “I shouldn’t have said any of it, and I definitely should not have lost my temper the way I did.”

Roxas looked back and away again, shrugging his shoulders. Axel sighed to himself.

“If I could, I would take it all back.”

Roxas looked up quickly. “Really? You would?”

“Of course,” Axel replied, relieved that he was getting through. “I wish I could take it all back.”

Roxas opened his mouth, but hesitated. “So...when you said that we weren’t a family, and that you weren’t my brother…” His voice trailed off, and Axel felt another sharp twinge of guilt. 

“Roxas no,” he said immediately. “I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry. _Of course_ you’re my brother.” He leaned forward. “You’re the best brother that I could possibly have. It was a terrible thing for me to say.”

Roxas nodded, and Axel thought he could see some relief in his expression. “So, what about Mom?”

Axel sighed again, not really sure where to begin or how much he wanted to explain. “Do you want a quick answer or an honest answer?”

Roxas thought on it, tilting his head to the side and looking up. “Um, I think honest?”

“Yeah, I figured.” Axel sighed, gathering his thoughts. “Has dad or Aerith ever mentioned someone named Tifa?”

“I think so.” Roxas scrunched up his face as he tried to remember. “She was your mom, right?”

Axel nodded, embarrassed at the sudden lump in his throat. “Yeah, she was my mom. And did you know that she died when I was little?”

Roxas nodded solemnly.

“Right, so when I was growing up I didn’t have a mom around. It was just me and dad.”

“Why couldn’t Aerith be your mom?” Roxas asked simply. Axel hesitated before answering.

“It’s complicated,” Axel started. Roxas just gave him a blank look, so Axel gathered some quick thoughts. “Ok, you know how you have your teddy bear? Imagine if you lost that teddy bear, and he was nowhere to be found. You’d be pretty upset, right?” Roxas nodded. “So lets say I buy you a new teddy bear - he doesn’t look exactly the same but I told you that it was your new teddy - would you love it just as much as your old teddy?”

Roxas looked up again, tapping his chin with his finger. “I’d be happy to have a new teddy bear, I think.” He eventually settled on, looking back. Axel raised his eyebrows at the answer that he was not expecting.

“Well, that makes you smarter than me.” He muttered, taking another sip of coffee.

“What about Dad?” Roxas asked. “Wasn’t he around when you grew up?”

“Nope.” Axel replied curtly. He pulled a face, cursing his knee-jerk short answer. “He had to perform on tour and record his music.”

“Oh. Where did you go?”

“I was put in a boarding school. You know what that is, right?”

Roxas nodded. “Did you like it?”

It was Axel’s turn to shrug. “I don’t think so. It wasn’t a very nice place - I didn’t have many friends.”

“Why not?”

Axel shook his head. Leave it to Roxas to answer the hard hitting questions. He was a kid after all.

“I wasn’t that nice growing up. Not nearly as nice as you are.” Axel gave Roxas a smile, which Roxas returned. “It was true that I set the tablecloth and drapes on fire at Dad and Aerith’s wedding.”

“I knew it!”

Axel smiled at Roxas’ outburst before continuing. “I was a nasty kid in school, but I felt lost and abandoned. I didn’t try to make any friends. Mainly because there were kids that took advantage of me, because of who our dad is. And I thought that everyone was like that. But there are good people out there, like Xion and -“

And Saïx, Axel’s brain finishes the unsaid thought. 

“Like Saïx?” Roxas asked. When Axel didn’t respond he spoke again. “Are you guys fighting again?”

“Something like that.” Axel murmured. Roxas didn’t respond, and their breakfast was brought to their table. Roxas didn’t dig into his mountain of pancakes, looking forlorn. 

“You okay buddy?”

“Yeah.” Roxas said. He paused for a beat before continuing. “Do you have any friends?”

Axel sighed inwardly - Roxas really wasn’t pulling back with his questions today. He didn’t answer straight away, taking a quick second to think about it. Of course the first person he thought of was Saïx and he immediately pushed him to the side. The next people who popped up were, of course, Zexion, Demyx, Larxene, and even Marluxia. But he pushed them away, and found it hard to think of another person who could constitute as a friend. It was an eerie empty abyss, and Axel was staring out feeling more lonely than ever.

“No.” He eventually answered, shoving a mouthful of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

“Why not?” Roxas asked. He still hadn’t touched his pancakes, and the whipped cream was starting to melt and drip down the tower.

“Because I’m not meant to have any.” It was an easy answer to give back, the thought had ingrained into Axel’s brain for his entire life.

“But you were friends with Saïx.” Roxas countered. “You guys are just having a fight, and if you make up -”

“It’s not going to work like that.” Axel cut him off. “Saïx and I aren’t friends anymore, and I don’t have any friends at all.”

“Was it a big fight?” Roxas asked, his eyes wide.

“Yes,” Axel said. He was losing patience, but was willing himself to not get upset. “Now eat your pancakes, they’re getting soggy.”

Roxas nodded and scrapped the dollop of whipped cream with his finger and ate it. He smiled and began eating his food with a fork. They sat quietly, each eating their breakfast. But Axel was just eating for the sake of eating - he had lost his appetite at the mention of Saïx’s name. Each time he was brought up it was like another stab to his heart, and he felt more and more anxious to leave the city and be rid of the terrible memories.

“Hey Axel?” Roxas said with his mouth full.

“Yeah buddy?”

“I think you’re nice. And I’m your friend.”

Axel smiled. “Thanks Roxas.” 

His brother gave him a goofy smile and nodded, taking another bite of pancakes. At least all of Axel’s memories from Twilight Town won’t be bad, but he knew it was going to be a rough time having to leave his brother behind.

“Can we go to the park today?” Roxas asked.

Axel shook his head. “How about we go to the mall?”

“Really?” Roxas asked, his eyebrows jumping up. “I thought you hated the mall.”

“Yeah, I do.” Axel sighed. He’d rather deal with everything that comes with going to the mall than going to the park and running into someone he may know. He pushed his plate away and elected to watch Roxas make a syruppy mess of himself before flagging the waiter for the check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience, I’m sorry for the excess angst!!


	13. Chapter 13

A week has passed and things haven’t gotten any better for Axel.

Most of his time is spent with Roxas every day. They go all over town, save for the park, and whittle the days away. Axel finally properly met Roxas’ new friends, and was pleasantly surprised to see the same kids from the one day at the beach. Hayner (spunky and harmless with yellow curly hair), Pence (good-natured and calm enough to balance Hayner), and Olette (sweet and quiet with enormous green eyes) seem to be great friends. 

(Axel did worry about Hayner going off like a firecracker sometimes, but that quickly became the lesser problem. He should have been more concerned about having to reign in both Hayner _and_ Roxas.  Luckily Pence and Olette both brought a sense of peace and tranquility that helped their small group remain in balance.)

Seeing Roxas blossom and come into his own was a heartwarming distraction for Axel. But it wasn’t enough to keep the nasty thoughts away. They crept back in, louder and darker than before - what was he going to do with his life? Where was he going to live? Why did he think that things were different with Saïx? How could Axel let himself think that he was worthy enough for friendship?

While Axel wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do with his life, he knew that he’d never waste his time trying to make friends. Life has made it quite clear that he’s not worth the effort.

Unfortunately for him, Axel still had to figure out a life plan, and quick. Luxord’s Farewell Tour was wrapping up and Axel sure as hell wasn’t going to be around when his father came home. But the real question popped up - _where_ would he go?

Axel took his pondering thought to the bar down the road. He’d sit at the bar, order a stiff drink and force himself to think about what he was going to do with his life. He never got far in his planning, but Axel would rather drink at the bar than sit in his room alone.

He had just settled into his seat and waved the bartender down, trying not to think of the heavy question weighing on his mind, like how upset Roxas is going to be when Axel tells him that he’s leaving. As a drink is set before him, Axel felt someone sit down next to him. He glances over - none of the regulars sit near him so he can’t help but peek. He nearly falls out of his seat when he realizes Zexion was occupying the bar stool next to him.

Axel frowned and felt his hackles rise. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Zexion doesn’t answer, instead attempting to get the attention of the bartender. The silence isn’t really the answer that Axel wants, and he can’t help his scoff.

“My father isn’t here.” Axel spat out in a whisper. “And I have no intention of _promoting_ the band to him, so if that’s not what you wanted to hear, that’s too damn -”

“I’m here for them.” Zexion interrupted Axel’s rant with a finger towards the back of the bar, where Demyx, Larxene and Marluxia have just taken their spots behind their instruments. “They’ve played here a few times since the Battle of the Bands, but we haven’t seen you around.”

Axel goes to open his mouth to respond but the band begins playing and making any conversation is useless. The cymbals clash and Demyx launches into their first song.

Axel’s heard it before, and it’s been know to get slow parties started. But right now the only party they looked like they would be playing at would be a funeral. They sounded tight but there was a definite slump to their performance. Demyx stood stiff and barley bounced to the beat, and Larxene didn’t twirl her drumsticks around at all. Even Marluxia looked off, and that’s saying a lot.

They play a few more songs before taking a quick break, all three retreating from the stage. Axel panics, worried that they are going to make their way to the bar but luckily they seem to have disappeared off somewhere. Axel half-hopes that Zexion will leave and go be with them, but he turns in his stool and faces the bar.

“Um, are they alright?” Axel wasn’t sure why he asked the question, seeing how he didn’t care about their well-being at all. Not after they had zero disregard for Axel and his feelings at the Battle of the Bands. But some part of his heart couldn’t help but tug at their clearly droopy dispositions.

Zexion shrugged in response. “They pulled out of the Battle of the Bands, something that Demyx had dreamed of performing in since he was a little kid.”

“Oh.” Axel tries to mirror Zexion’s casual tone, but inside he’s reeling from the sudden guilt that sucker-punched him.

“It’s not your fault.” Zexion replied. “After Saïx told us why you left the way you did, it didn’t feel right to anyone to go on. It was a unanimous decision, Demyx would tell you that much.” 

Axel inwardly flinched at the mention of Saïx’s name. Of course he would have explained to them what happened. God, how _embarrassing_.

Zexion took another sip and spoke up. “You’re right, by the way.” Axel shook his head and glanced back at the guy sitting next to him. 

“What are you talking about?”

“It wasn’t fair of Saïx to have your father show up and expect you both to make up and forget all of the harsh words and terrible situations Luxord had put you through growing up for Saïx’s own selfish plans. But you didn’t have to yell and run away from the situation instead of listening to Saïx’s reasoning. I understand why you would do that, but it doesn’t make it right. And it didn’t give you the right to push Demyx against a wall and accuse him of things without even bothering to ask if he was the one who invited your father to the Battle of the Bands, which he wasn’t.” Zexion paused to take a drink before continuing on. “It’s been hypothesized that our primal instincts sometimes take over in extreme situations without our brains even processing the data in front of us.” Zexion held a hand to his lips in deep thought. “So I guess you are also wrong. Or maybe half right - take your pick.”

Axel sits in stunned silence, his hand loose around his glass. He gawks at Zexion, unable to unpack everything that Zexion just threw at him.

“He loves you too. I’m sure you aware of it.”

Axel chokes on his spit. “Can you please stop dropping these truth bombs on me?!” Axel coughs, trying to get his lungs to work again. Once he’s calmed down, he speaks again in a raspy tone. “I also know that you’re full of shit.”

“About what?” Zexion asked.

“About, you know…” Axel cleared his throat and gripped his glass tighter. “Saïx liking me.”

Zexion gave Axel some major side eye again before shaking his head. “He is so in love with you, it’s sometimes unbearable. We put up with it, because of how happy he is since meeting you.”

Axel’s heart flutters, but he extinguished the hope quick. “Saïx doesn’t love me, he betrayed me.”

“Good lord, could you _not_ sound like a melodramatic soap opera star?” Zexion shot back exasperatedly.

Axel blushed and opened his mouth to retort but static over the speakers drew his attention back to the stage.

Demyx had his acoustic guitar strapped across his chest, but he was no longer standing in front of the microphone. Saïx had taken his place, and he was nervously swaying from side to side before speaking.

“The Four Sinners is back for a few songs only, we hope you like them.” He turned and nodded to Demyx, who began strumming on his guitar. Saïx nods his head along with the music, before stepping up to the microphone again.

“ _Weightlessness, no gravity. Were we somewhere in-between?.”_

Axel gasped, knowing that it was barely audible over the music. But he couldn’t help himself. Saïx is up on the stage, _singing_. 

Axel knows that Saïx doesn’t sing, and he knows that Saïx doesn’t like anything to do with the band. Sure, he begrudgingly writes the lyrics because Demyx badgers him to do so. And it is a good way for Saïx to get his thoughts down, according to him. But he still doesn’t sing - he made that crystal clear.

But here he was, up on stage with his friends singing a slow and wistful tune. And he sounded _beautiful_.

Axel can see Saïx let the music and rhythm flow through him as he croons on. He doesn’t miss a single note, and sings each one to their completion. His stage presence is not much, but anyone can easily ignore it - they can close their eyes and _know_ that Saïx is putting his heart into the song.

Axel doesn’t look away from Saïx, but for the first time he can see the band as they were truly meant to be. The Four Sinners.

The song finished, and a few people clapped. Saïx gave a small nod of appreciation, turning around to grab a water bottle on the ground. Demyx, Larxene and Marluxia have their eyes on him like hawks, but they’re not birds of prey. Axel quickly catches Demyx shooting Saïx an encouraging smile, and it suddenly dawned on Axel.

Saïx can sing, but he sure as hell _doesn’t_ want to.

Now that Axel is really looking, it’s almost comically obvious how stressed Saïx looks onstage - his shoulders are tensed and turned in. His face is smooth, but the little crease in his forehead gives away his unease and distress.

“What is he doing?” Axel whispered out loud. He watched Saïx steps back up to the microphone. Both him and Demyx began to sing, the notes they crooned creating an eerie but familiar tune. Axel turned to Zexion, who sat with a solemn look.

“He told me he didn’t sing.” Axel stated. It was his truth, and he was desperately holding onto it. Saïx doesn’t like singing; Saïx betrayed Axel’s trust; Axel doesn’t deserve any friends because he is worthless - those are the truths that have guided Axel in the last week. And now part of his truths were becoming unraveled, and he didn’t understand.

Zexion sighed, the burden of the tale that Axel needed to hear weighing on him. “He used to.” Zexion replied softly as Saïx launched into the song. 

“ _I am not the only traveler, who has not repaid his debts._ ”

“He loves singing.” Zexion continued in a quiet voice. “He was the fourth member of the band. The band was something that him and Demyx started together. They spent hours together reading and singing and working out lyrics and chords. Eventually Marluxia and Larxene joined them, and they officially formed The Four Sinners.

“Marluxia and Larxene were along for the ride, and Demyx dedicated nearly all of his time to the band. But saying that Saïx was devoted to the band is an understatement. Music was his passion, and he put his whole soul into the band.” Zexion smiled wistfully. “It was his baby.”

Axel was listening, but his focus was on the stage. Saïx was swaying around, moving freely with the music. He wasn’t stressed. He wasn’t dismayed. In fact, he looked more comfortable than Axel has ever remembered seeing him, like he _belonged_ onstage.

“ _I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. Oh take me back to the night we met._ ”

“When he and Xemnas were dating, it was as if a whole new Saïx came into the picture. He was bossy, demanding, and thought his was way right. And if they weren’t going to do what he wanted, he would leave rehearsal. Demyx was about ready to kick him out but we soon realized that it was all Xemnas. He was the one who was pushing for all of the new ideas, not Saïx.”

Axel remained still, not sure how to process what Zexion was telling him. To Axel, he was describing a whole different Saïx. Axel can’t picture Saïx ever acting like that. Like a person that Axel had all too much experience in dealing with.

“We were all pleased when they broke up. Demyx was confident that Saïx would be back to normal, and the band would continue on like nothing went wrong. His optimism was infectious, and we all quickly believed the same.” Zexion laughed bitterly. “It was stupid of us. Of _course_ that fucker would do something. And of course I just _let_ Saïx go alone with him - I should’ve known better but…”

Zexion shuddered, and Axel was able to tear his eyes away from the stage to look at Zexion. His eyes looked far away, as if remembering a horrible dream. Zexion turned to Axel with shame. 

“I’m sure you know what happened. And you don’t have to tell me - I know that Xemnas did something to him. Knowing that I’m right won’t change the fact that I should have never let him out of my sight that night, and I especially shouldn't have let him go with that fucker.”

Zexion glanced back to Axel and sighed hard again. “After that night, Saïx became a husk of a person. He quit the band, _his band_ , even after Demyx begged him not to. It took weeks of begging before Saïx eventually agreed to continue writing lyrics and songs for them. But he made Demyx swear to never ask him to sing again.” 

Zexion huffed. “I know that Demyx was trying everything he could to bring Saïx back, and I will be the first to admit that he can be pushy and downright rude. But I know he feels just as guilty as I do about the whole Xemnas situation, and he was trying anything to keep Saïx close and giving him purpose again.”

Axel nodded, looking back to the stage. Saïx was singing again, with Marluxia and Demyx providing vocals. Demyx was focused on his guitar, but Marluxia was scanning the crowd. Eventually his eyes drifted over and settle onto Axel’s, and even from across the room Axel felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze. Marluxia stared right at Axel, before pointedly looking away back to Saïx.

“So The Four Sinners dropped to three, and I got Saïx a job at the library. Things started to return to some semblance of normal. And Saïx was slowly returning to who he was. But Saïx just never got...better. I know that’s a shitty thing to say,” Zexion quickly countered before Axel could say a word. “And I will _never_ ever be able to put myself in his situation and try to justify what he’s feeling or say what he should because I _might_ know better. But we all saw the spark go out. It tore us up, because we honestly had no idea what to do to help him.” Zexion stopped talking and squared his shoulders to Axel. He gave him a contemplative look. “But then you came along.”

Axel turned in surprise, but realized that everyone in the bar was clapping as the band finished their song. Demyx wiped his brow and stepped up to the microphone.

“The Four Sinners have one more song to play tonight, we just want to say thanks to everyone who came out. If you’re interested in our merch, you can find me after the show and I’d be more than happy to hook you up. But until next time, stay sinnin.’”

Demyx glanced to Saïx, who nodded back. Marluxia adjusted a few more settings on his keyboard before playing the first note, a haunting chord that sent an ethereal sound through the bar.

“ _Wise men say,_ ” Saïx slowly sings, wrapping his hands around the microphone and leaning forward. “ _Only fools rush in_ . _But I can’t help, fallin’ in love, with you._ ”

It was a song Axel recognized immediately, and he felt his blood run cold.

The song was grossly overplayed, by popular musicians and tacky wedding singers alike. But there was one musician who is hailed to have the second-best rendition of this song, behind the King of Rock and Roll’s original.

It was always the concluding song on his tour, and Axel can still remember the first time Luxord sang it to his mom. It was packed stadium of screaming fans, all crying at the sweet dedication of true love.

Axel also remembers the last time Luxord sang it, as he and his father sat by Tifa in the hospital right before she passed. It had been the last time he heard the song before now.

The tears were flowing down his face before he could stop them. 

“I don’t think he knows what this song means to you.” Zexion said softly as Saïx continued singing.

Axel sniffed. “And you do?”

“Demyx wasn’t joking when he said that he was Luxord’s biggest fan. He’s seen tapings of his concerts and has listened to his album over and over.” Zexion huffed and shook his head. “Dating him is a constant battle of keeping him from tripping over his feet and listening to him sprout random facts about Luxord.”

“Oh.” Axel looked back to the stage, his eyes still filled with tears. Saïx was gripping the microphone tight, and his eyes were closed as he sang.

 _“_ _Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be._ ”

Axel grabbed at his chest, feeling his heart be ripped to shreds. He still can’t believe that Saïx is singing, and of all the songs to sing in the world he chooses _this_ one. Axel can still think back to when Luxord would sing this to Tifa during his tour. The love that they shared onsage while he serenaded her was so clear and so beautiful that even Axel as a child could remember how happy it made him.

He always wanted a love like that.

With a jolt, Axel realized that he _had_ that. He had that love with Saïx. All of their time spent together, all of the laughs they’ve shared, and just how damn happy Axel was - it was the same love he had dreamed of.

Zexion spoke again in a quiet voice. “All I can tell you is that you have made Saïx so unbelievably happy. His whole plan at the Battle of the Bands was idiotic at best. But he would _never_ do it to hurt you intentionally.”

“Why did he choose this song?” Axel whispered.

“I think you know why.”

Axel did know, and he smiled.

It was because Saïx loved Axel, and he can’t help falling in love.

“ _Take my hand, take my whole life too_.”

Axel can’t bear to look away from the stage, not when the song reaches its peak.

“ _For I can’t help, fallin’ in love with you_.” Saïx leaned into the microphone, gripping it as tight as he possibly can. He sings higher, the pitches not getting in the way of hitting his notes. The music cuts but Saïx continues.

“ _For I can’t help, fallin’ in loooooove,_ ” He paused, opening his eyes. They are bright, unshed tears just waiting for their moment to fall. His breath hitches and he blinks. A single tear rolls down his cheeks. 

Axel, openly crying, doesn’t think he’s going to finish. He feels the need to stand and go to him, or just do something. Anything to take his pain and will it away.

But Saïx takes a shuddering breath and quietly crooned into the microphone.

“ _With you_.” His voice beautifully broken, and he waits for the last note before he lets out a soft gasp and pulls away.

The appaluse from the bar is the loudest it’s been all night. Not only for the end of their set, but for the display of raw emotion and passion. Axel finds himself bringing his hands together, sniffling his tears away.

Axel looks to Zexion, whose eyes are a bit brighter in the dim lighting of the bar. 

“I need to fix this.” Axel chokes out.

Zexion nodded. “I think you know how to.”

Axel nodded back. The crushing weight of what he was going to do with his life has been lifted, and he’s never felt more determined in his whole life.

Axel will make this right. He’s terrified also, if his beating heart is anything to go off of. But he won’t run away any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to everyone! The songs that Saïx sings are all covers, and I do not own the rights to any of them. But the links below are the songs that he sings!
> 
>  
> 
> [San Luis - Gregory Alan Isakov](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlK0ip4bwto)  
> [The Night We Met - Lord Huron](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlK0ip4bwto%E2%80%9D>San%20Luis%20-%20Gregory%20Alan%20Isakov</a>%0A<a%20href=)  
> [Can't Help Falling In Love - HALIENE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAGGvvjGrSg)  
> 


	14. Chapter 14

_ Tick. Tick. Tick _ .

Axel’s sitting in the rarely-used living room, feeling sick with anticipation. The plush couches were showroom ready, and each surface covered with some decoration or vase of flowers. There wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere and the carpet was clean. Axel felt very out of place, knowing that there were other rooms in this house filled with clutter and mess.

The ticking ornate clock is not helping to settle his nerves - if anything it puts him closer to the edge.

_ Tick. Tick. Tick. _

How could he have not noticed the noisy clock before? Even though it’s maybe the second time he’s stepped foot into this room he can’t imagine he’s been able to tune out the incessant ticking. It’s downright loud, it’d be like ignoring a blaring horn.

_ Tick. Tick. Tick. _

A car door slamming shut snapped Axel from his obsessive thoughts of setting the clock on fire. The sick feeling came back in full force, nausea creeping up his throat.

The front door opened and closed, and a loud voice called out.

“I’m home!”

Axel knows that Luxord is waiting for Roxas to come barreling down the stairs and launch himself in for a hug, but what Luxord doesn’t know is that Roxas and Aerith are both out at dinner, per Axel’s request.

To be fair, Axel didn’t say that Aerith and Roxas had to be out of the house. But once he mentioned that he needed to talk to his dad alone Aerith whisked Roxas out faster than Axel could say ‘Thanks.’

“Roxas? Aerith?” Axel could hear footsteps moving down the hall towards the kitchen as Luxord called out for his family. 

Axel ignored the fact that Luxord didn’t call his name. He had to stay focused on the task at hand.

Footsteps echoed closer and Luxord glanced into the living room. He did a double take when he saw Axel.

It must’ve been a strange sight - Axel is sitting on the couch, ramrod straight, in a room that nobody uses.

“What are you doing?” Luxord asked. His tone wasn’t hostile but was almost aggressively challenging. Axel felt the internal instinct to retort with a snappy comment, and had to fight to keep it down.

“I was hoping we could talk.” Axel answered, praising himself for his relaxed voice.

Luxord hesisted, but eventually nodded. He cautiously entered the living room, choosing a seat on the couch opposite Axel. 

He lounged in his seat, but everything about his body language screams apprehension.

It takes Axel a second, but he realizes that Luxord is certainly not going to move first. He tries to think of several ways to start the conversation that they really need to have, but nothing is coming to his mind.

And the stupid fucking clock is still ticking as loud as it can possibly tick.

“So, how’s the tour going?”

Axel inwardly cringed - really? He thought  _ smalltalk _ was the best way to start things? It’s nothing but a timewaster.

Luxord looks equally as flummoxed, but nearly takes it all in stride. “Er, it’s alright.” He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Yeah, the whole tour went well. Just have the one show left here in Twilight Town, and then I’ll be done. I’m ready to be done, honestly.”

His answer surprised Axel, and he goes with it. “Really? I didn’t think you’d ever be done touring.”

Luxord flinched.  _ Shit _ , Axel thought.

“N-not that I’m trying to make you feel bad.” Axel immediately backtracked. “I just thought you’d want to be on the road forever.”

“Oh.” Luxord didn’t offer anything else after his short reply, and he picked at the threading on one of the couch pillows.

Another awkward silence filled the room, save for the blaring noise from the clock.

God, why does this have to be so  _ hard?  _ Sure, having to apologize for what he did is always uncomfortable for anyone. But Axel knew what he did that night he yelled with Luxord was wrong. And he knows deep down that finding some kind of truce with his father is the right course of action. 

In a move that is surprising to nobody, Axel was never able to come up with a new satisfying life plan. Sure, a big reason was being heartbroken over what Saïx did. But the more Axel thought about it, the sooner he realized that he didn’t  _ want _ to do it. He didn’t want to start fresh in a new city, far away from his family and his friends. He didn’t want to be away from Saïx, not since he’s realized the love that is between him and Saïx.

Axel is done running away. Not when he has a life worth living here in Twilight Town. But if he was going to stay, he had to reconcile with his father.

And it was turning out to be the hardest thing he’s ever done.

“Has that clock always been so fucking loud?” Luxord’s voice broke into Axel’s thoughts, startling him. Luxord was staring daggers at the clock, unbeknownst to the object itself as it continued to tick.

Axel shrugged and felt a smile tug at his lips. “I dunno. I’ve never noticed before today.”

Luxord nodded. “I wonder if we got it as a gift or if Aerith bought it.” Luxord shot the offensive clock another dark glare before looking at Axel. “I don’t know about half the shit that’s in this house.”

“Me neither.”

Luxord grimaced and shared an awkward glance with Axel, who also frowned.

_ No more sitting around, just get on with it _ .

There was another beat of silence before Axel and Luxord both blurted out.

“I’m sorry ...wait what?”

“Wait a minute,” Luxord spoke first, shaking his head. “I need to say something -”

“No,” Axel interrupted. “I really need to say something.”

“Well, mine is very important.”

“And so is mine.” Axel snapped, wincing at his harsh tone. He sighed hard and gave his father a small look. “Please?”

A strange feeling came over Axel, and he realized that he was asking for something in all sincerity. Instead of blatantly ignoring what his father wants or demanding answers. 

Luxord blinked, the notion not lost on him. Axel reckons he must be stunned, for he gives into Axel’s request and nods to let him talk first.

Axel nodded back, sighing hard. “I just want to apologize for my actions when you were home last. I know that night there were a few misunderstandings, and I didn’t offer much of an explanation to you. And when I came home, I know that I was yelling and swearing and saying things that I really don’t mean. I’m very sorry.”

Luxord is still, not reacting to Axel’s apology. He’s staring right at Axel, with no discernable emotion. Axel began to wonder if he said the wrong thing or if his father is broken when Luxord abruptly stands. He takes a few steps across the living room and joins Axel on his couch.

“I don’t blame you at all for that night.” Luxord finally said. “My manager was pissed to hell and back that I just agreed to a random phone call to come see you play without running it by him or doing any sort of background check.” Luxord sighed. “I got so excited at the idea that you were in a band that I was blinded. So when you told me you weren’t it made me unbelievably sad, and I was unfairly mean to you that night.

“But that’s not all.” Luxord sighed hard again, and sat back on the couch. He had a wearniness about him that Axel had never seen.

“I am so sorry, for everything.”

Axel blinked, his brain not processing what Luxord meant straight away. When he realized what was said however, his brain kicked into overdrive and he began thinking fast.

_ Is he apologizing for everything, or something specific? Or does he mean for letting me stay - is he going to kick me out? _

“This apology is long overdue. And what I’m going to tell you will sound like excuses.” Luxord paused, clenching his jaw. “But I just want you to know that for every second of every day that I wasn’t with you was the most unimaginable pain I’ve ever felt.

“When you were born, you became my sun. There was nothing that could ever compare - you were the brightness in my life, in our lives. Mom was actually the first one to call you the sun - she thought it was funny because you were our son  _ and  _ sun.”

Luxord chuckled, Axel huffing in amusement. But he also felt a sharp tug at the mention of his mom and anything to do with her while he was young. He and Luxord had never talked about Tifa or their life as a family when Axel was a baby, and he was desperate for more.

“Your mom was my moon - she kept me grounded and steady. And she did the most important thing I could ever have asked - she kept our family together. She had a tutor on our payroll so that you could be homeschooled during my world tours, and we wouldn’t have to be apart. And while she supported me and everything I did, she made sure that you were eating right and getting your vegetables and things that kids need.

“She kept our world moving. So when she left us, the world stopped.” Luxord paused to clear his throat. Axel felt his stomach drop and swallowed past the lump in his own throat.

“Suddenly, I had to learn how to be a dad  _ and  _ a mom to you, while continuing on with my music. Your mother made me swear that I would not give up on you, or give up on our family. She promised that she would haunt me until the day I die if I didn’t do that.

“I tried, I really did. And I thought that things would get better with time - you and I just needed to pick up the pieces and move on.” Luxord gave Axel a watery smile. “But you had just lost your  _ mom _ , so of course you weren’t going to be okay. And you started acting up, and we got into some pretty intense arguments.”

Axel remembered each one, burned into his memory. Fights on the stages, fights on the bus, even fights from above, when Axel would hide in the catwalk about the stage and block the ladder coming up. It was an awful sight, him and Luxord having a row in front of the pit crew and other musicians.

“All of the fighting got to me. I was exhausted, angry, and I just  _ knew  _ that I was failing you. The arguments were bad, everything that we went through was bad. Bit it hurt even more knowing that I couldn’t be what you needed. So I did what all cowards did - I ran away.”

“I put you in a boarding school. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I just needed some time. I made a promise to only keep you there for a month, and no more.” Luxord gave a weary sigh. “But the month turned into a few months, and then a year and then a few more years.

“In that time, I knew you were confused and scared. And you were becoming a menace - I got all of your school reports and read through them all. At the time they justified not having you on the road with me. But in reality, I knew you were hurting, and I didn’t do a damn thing.”

”Why?” Axel whispered. 

Luxord gave another shaky sigh. “Because I was scared. I knew what I was doing was wrong,  _ so  _ wrong on so many levels. But I was scared to face you again after leaving you. So I just ran away and left you behind. It tore at me every day, it  _ ripped _ my heart apart. I-” Luxord tried to speak but let out a sob instead. “I thought I knew pain when we lost your mother, but I was not ready for the pain of having to leave you behind, and knowing what I was doing was wrong.”

Luxord is openly crying now, tears streaming down his face. “I was a coward. I am still.” He holds his head in his hands and takes several deep breaths, attempting to ebb the flow of tears.

Axel doesn’t say anything,  _ can’t _ say anything, as he sits and watches his father collect himself. This is the conversation that he had been waiting on for  _ years _ . He had prepared for this moment so many times. The things he’d say to  _ really _ make Luxord regret what he did to Axel for all of those years, and the scathing words that he’d use as his weapons. He was ready, he was  _ oh so _ ready.

But Axel couldn’t do it. 

Why would he? What’s the point of creating more pain for a short bout of satisfaction, when instead he could make things right and ease the pain for both him and Luxord? There’s no sense in punishing his father for things that have already transpired, even though there were things that he had done that Axel will never be able to forgive him for.

There are some things that people should never have to go through - abandonment, abuse, loneliness. But when given the chance, could a person find reconciliation not as forgiveness, but as a way of healing?

Isn’t that the point of all this?

“I thought you hated me.” He finally spoke in a small voice. “I thought you blamed me for mom dying, or for all the trouble I caused after mom died.” These were the self-conscious thoughts that had plagued Axel for years, settling as the root cause of all of his decisions. It was the assumption that he had operated under, when there was no one there to tell him any better. Having to face these thoughts was terrifying for Axel, but this was the only way he’d know the real truth.

Luxord whipped his head to Axel, grief-stricken. “I would  _ never  _ hate you, Axel. Not in a million years.” He wiped his eyes and grabbed Axel’s shoulders. “Your mother was sick, from cancer that was  _ nobody’s  _ fault. It was nothing that you did.

“ _ I _ am the one who is at fault. For everything that happened after Mom died. It’s my fault because I knew that keeping you in that boarding school was a bad idea. I fucking knew and I didn’t do a damn thing.

”Even now with you all grown up, I couldn’t help but be hard on you. You are living proof of my failure as a father, and instead of trying to make things right, I lashed out and hurt you more.” Luxord laughed bitterly and shook his head. “Aerith told me this was my chance to make things right but I just couldn’t do it.”

“Aerith has been wonderful.” Axel remarked, jumping at the change of conversation to get his emotions under control. “I thought she would hate me too, but she’s been amazing.”

Luxord nodded. “Aerith has been my saving grace. When we started dating, she witnessed first-hand a lot of my...anger that I reserved for you.” Luxord cleared his throat and looked at the floor sheepishly. “She told me that if I didn’t fix things with you then she was going to leave me. It took some counseling sessions to have her understand our relationship, and since then she’s never given up on me.” Luxord paused and frowned. “She always told me how wrong it was as we continued to enroll you in boarding school after we got married. And she tried forever to get you to come back home.” Luxord sighed. “Those were our worst arguments, and there were sometimes that I thought she would leave, but she didn’t. She stayed by my side, and never interfered. Even though I knew how hard it was for her.” 

Axel immediately felt bad for nearly hating Aerith. In his head she was just as guilty, if not more so. What kind of person would sit back and let a father keep his own son away? A timid wife who was only around for the money - that’s what Axel always thought. The past months have clearly proven otherwise, as Axel experienced her generosity and warmth first-hand. But he had no idea all the things she had done for him as he grew up away from home.

So even after all that, why did he still feel a sliver of anger towards Aerith? And Roxas?

“I spent a long time hating Aerith. And hating Roxas.” Axel started slowly. “Which is ridiculous, because after spending a day with Roxas it’s nearly impossible to hate the kid.” Luxord smiled, his miserable face lifting somewhat. 

Axel continued. “But I think, no I  _ know _ that I was jealous of them. You remarried and then had Roxas, and now you’re retiring. After all those years of promising to never quit and to die onstage. In my head, it was proof that I wasn’t good enough for you, and that me and Mom weren’t good enough.” He felt tears at the corners of his eyes but grit his teeth together to keep them in check. “It made me think that you wanted to forget us and start over.” 

He looked at his father, whose eyes were wet again.

“It’s true that I’m retiring to spend more time with Aerith and Roxas. And look at me, I’m old.” Luxord scoffed and gestured to himself. “Like,  _ really _ old. There’s a reason I don’t crowd surf anymore - if one person dropped me I can guarantee that I wouldn’t get back up.”

“Yeah, can’t have Luxord pulling a hamstring onstage.” Axel replied, the beginnings of a smirk on his lips.

Luxord nodded in agreement. “So yes, I’m retiring now. It was actually your mother who told me, made me  _ promise _ to give it all up once I was ready.” Luxord paused, taking a deep breath. “But I was ready to be done once she died. I didn’t think I could find a way to get back onstage and be who I was before, who everyone wanted me to be.

“It eventually became an escape. An escape from all of the pain - of losing your mom, of leaving you behind, of failing as a father - I left it all behind. But once I met Aerith, and we had Roxas, I saw my chance. I couldn’t make the same mistake again.”

Luxord paused again, and from Axel’s perspective he looked to be collecting himself again. But Luxord turned to face Axel directly, looking him straight in the eye. He lifted his hand and set it on Axel’s shoulder.

“I know none of that means anything to you. And just because I can make sure what happened to you doesn’t happen to Roxas doesn’t erase all that I’ve done to you. But I will never,  _ ever, _ forget you or Mom. And I will never,  _ ever _ replace you, Axel. I will fight everyday to attempt to take back some of the hurt I have done unto you. You are my son, and I love you with all my heart.”

Luxord’s tears are flowing again but his gaze on Axel remains steady. The soft and warm weight from Luxord’s hand sat on Axel’s shoulder - it’s a reassuring touch that warms Axel to his core, while also nearly throwing him into a tizzy with the sudden rising of emotions.

He’s thought about this moment for years too - stopping after a while when he believed that his father would never admit to his wrongdoings - and nothing in his wildest dreams ever prepared Axel for this. He thought he’d feel some relief, or happiness, or maybe he’d resent Luxord. But nothing to this level of sheer regret . 

If he had only known how much Luxord was hurting,  _ maybe _ Axel could have reached out and saved them from the years of pain they would both go through. But how was  _ he _ supposed to know? He was the  _ child _ in this situation, why didn’t Luxord step up and be an actual father?

But it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done, and Axel will never be able to ignore the pain he’s felt.

It’s no surprise that he lets out a soft cry, as Axel is just done with trying to work past the lump in his throat. He begins to crumple, the enormity and gravity of the situation finally hitting Axel,  _ hard _ . He doesn’t register anything but the painful stabs to his heart, each one a sharp reminder that yes, he was a young boy who was abandoned by his father who was in as much pain but didn’t know what to do about it.

Axel doesn’t want to feel anything anymore. He can’t, as his body gives out and he feels himself start to fall over. But it’s not the couch that catches Axel. It’s strong and warm arms that wrap around him, and a nearly steady hand that pulls Axel’s head in close.

Luxord holds Axel tight, letting him rest his head on his shoulder. He runs a hand down Axel’s back in soothing circles, and places a hand in Axel’s hair.

Axel doesn’t bother to keep quiet as his body is wracked with sobs, slowly starting to grow in intensity. He’s sure that he’s soaking his father’s shirt with his tears, but no chastising comes from Luxord.

“It’s alright.” The soft and slightly wavering voice of Luxord whispered into Axel’s ear. “I’m right here, and I’ll always be here for you.”

The sincere promises make Axel cry harder and he’s not trying anymore to hold back. The years of misery seep out of him in sobs and gasps, the memories of those incredibly lonely hours escaping through the tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s alright, Axel.”

 To say that Axel felt broken was an understatement. He thought he knew sadness, but didn’t even realize that  _ this _ was what it really felt like. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Wasn’t this all about letting go of his anger and pain?  _ Why  _ was the pain getting worse? Why did it feel like his heart was being ripped into two? 

“I’m not going anywhere, not anymore.”

Would he ever stop hurting?

“It’s alright, I’m right here.”

Luxord’s words didn’t seem to be having any effect on Axel, but he slowly realized that they were. The pain was still there, and he and Luxord still had many things that they had to talk about. But there was a small feeling that was bringing him back to the surface, something that helped Axel’s sobs peter out into quiet wimpers.

Relief. Just simple relief.

There’s no anger, there’s no regret. It’s just quiet reflection and recognition. Of knowing what had happened to him as a child growing up, and the understanding of why and how it happened. No more guessing, no more bitter conspiracies or dark thoughts that plague him. The ugly weight that had been sculpted to Axel’s shoulders has finally been lifted.

So that’s why Axel, still with the tears in his eyes, can find it in himself to smile.

Eventually, Axel pulls away from his father, both wiping their eyes and noses. Luxord watches Axel cautiously, not willing to pull away too much. Which is understandable, seeing how Axel felt like he just cried a lifetime’s worth of tears. And the evidence is clear on Luxord’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry about your shirt.” Axel noted, sparing a glance at the soggy mess. 

Luxord shook his head. “No apologies necessary. I do a mean load of laundry.” He said with a small, cheeky smile. Axel felt another smile tug at his lips, even though he was emotionally wrung out.

Luxord shifted on the couch, clearing his throat. “So, I understand if you want to leave, and you don’t want to come back. And I understand...if you never want to see me again.” He looked extremely nervous, shifting again and holding his hands together tight.

But it was Axel’s turn to shake his head. “I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to never see you, or Roxas or Aerith, I don’t want any of that.” He took a deep breath in, still feeling a bit fragile but knowing that he had to say this last part. “I don’t know if I can forget some of the things that happened, but I don’t want to shut you out.”

Luxord exhaled in disbelief, his face lighting up. “I understand. I will never be able to take back what I did, but I wasn’t lying when I said I’d spend the rest of my life trying to atone for what I did.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say it was  _ always _ your fault.” Axel replied. “I wasn’t that great of a kid. Even though it was trying circumstances.” He held up his hand to stop his dad from interrupting. “I was angry, and sad. And I didn’t make life easy for a lot of people. But I’m done with living with this anger. And I don’t want to run away from my problems anymore. I deserve better.” Axel paused, looking down at his hands. “The people I love deserve better.”

He looked back up and saw Luxord giving him an incredulous look.

“What?” Axel asked.

“Nothing. It’s just,” Luxord sniffles. “I’m just  _ so proud _ of you. I don’t deserve to be, but I am. I’m proud of the man you have become. I know that you’ll be better than I ever was.”

“I don’t think that’s the point, but yeah.” Axel said with an easy smile. Luxord returned with his own watery smile. The shift in their relationship is apparent, and one that Axel knows will be for the better.

The front door opens, pulling both their attention towards it.

“We’re home!” Roxas yelled in the house. “Hello?!”

“Roxas, don’t yell.” Aerith lightly scolded in a much more subdued voice.

“We’re in the living room!” Luxord called.

“See?! Dad’s yelling, so I can too!” Loud footfalls thunder closer, and Roxas runs into the living room. His face lights up at the sight of his dad, and he cannonballs onto the couch, jostling both Luxord and Axel.

“Whoa, easy there kiddo!” Axel cried, protecting his hair and face from Roxas’ flailing limbs.

“Yeah, watch where you put your legs.” Luxord chimed in, attempting to help Roxas sit on the couch properly.

“Sorry!” The big grin and easy tone indicate that Roxas really isn’t sorry but he eventually makes his way upright. He bounces in his seat and turns to his dad, giving him a proper hug. “When did you get back?! How long are you here for?”

Luxord smiled. “I’m home for good. I have my last show next week here, and then I’m done.”

Roxas cheered, throwing his arms in the air. Axel can’t help but also smile, catching Luxord’s eye and sharing a grin with him. 

“Roxas, what did I tell you about yelling?” Aerith scolded again as she made her way into the living room. She gave Axel a warm smile and walked up to Luxord. “How’re you feeling?” She asked as she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

Luxord sighed and gave Aerith a relaxed smile. “The best I’ve felt in a long time.”

Aerith glanced at Axel, looking to confirm with him. He nodded back, his smile spreading wider. Aerith grinned, visibly overjoyed.

Roxas turned in his seat and gave Axel a look. “How long are you staying for?” 

“Well,” Axel said, scratching his head sheepishly. “I’m not sure. It kinda depends on whether or not my room is still available…”

Roxas whipped his head back to his parents, and Axel nearly did the same. Aerith and Luxord shared a quick glance before nodding.

“This is your home.” Luxord said, speaking directly to Axel. “You stay as long as you would like.”

Warmth blossomed in Axel’s chest, and he almost joined in with Roxas’ cheer. Both Luxord and Aerith are smiling, and for once this big house begins to feel like a home to Axel. It’s a relatively new feeling for him. But he already knows it beats the anger he carried by a long shot. 

“Oh! We need to have a game night!” Roxas shouted. He bounced and looked between Luxord and Axel. “Let’s play Monopoly!”

Luxord chuckled and ruffled Roxas’ hair. “Alright bud, I’m in.”

“Me too.” Aerith agreed with a smile. “I’ll go get some snacks. Roxas, will you set up the board?”

“Sure!” Roxas stood and ran towards the game room before stopping in the doorway and looking back. “Axel, are you going to play?”

Axel shrugged. “Sure, I’ll give it a shot.” He shot Roxas a sly grin. “Just don’t be sad when I beat you.”

Roxas’ eyebrows furrowed but his eyes shine bright. “You wish!” He races off into the house, leaving Luxord and Axel alone again.

“Are you sure you’re up for game night?” Luxord asked. “Things can get pretty serious in there.”

Axel sent his dad a smirk. “Yeah, I think I’ll do just fine.” He paused before adding on. “Why, are you scared?”

“Oh no,” Luxord countered. “I’ve won every game against Roxas.”

“Hmm.” Axel shoots Luxord a skeptical look. “Let me guess - you’re the banker?”

Luxord gives Axel an innocent look, and they both laugh together as they make their way to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter! I’m sorry it took so long. This chapter is really important and I really wanted to make sure I got it right (which I still don’t know if I did ¯\\_( ツ )_/¯ )
> 
> Thank you for all of the love and support from the previous chapter!!!


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